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Original poster

Partner doesn't help with rent money

33 replies

curlyhairdiva · 03/08/2020 13:20

Hi all,
So basically me and my partner live in a rented property. Since moving in last year, I have been paying the rent (650 a month) whilst my partner pays the bills. We agreed on this arrangement before we moved in cause I earn a little more than him and at the time I was doing okay. However recently I have been struggling financially and after the total rent comes out I am left with very little money to live on and buy things for myself. Meanwhile my partner seems to have saved up loads of money and doesn't offer me any towards the rent (he knows I've been struggling). In fairness he has been saving up for some items which we need like a new bed, but when I asked him for a small contribution towards the rent just this month he got quite irritated with me, saying he was hoping to get some things for our flat and that I need to be more careful with my money. I am left feeling quite hurt because it seems like he doesn't realise just how much money I pay compared to him. Am I being unreasonable for getting annoyed at this situation?

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 03/08/2020 13:22

I dont imagine that bills cost him as much as rent - you need a joint account to pay into equally (or proportionally to your income) that joint expenses come out of.

Kiki275 · 03/08/2020 13:23

I understand both points to a certain extent, however what good is furniture if you don't have a flat to live in? There does need to be some flexibility. Can you pool resources and split everything equally? If he left the flat and the relationship, would he take the furniture with him because he bought it?

ApocalypseNowt · 03/08/2020 13:24

I would go through a budget and then decide how to split it. Either 50/50 of total household expenses inc rent or if you earn more then in a suitable split e.g. 60/40

LightUpLetters · 03/08/2020 13:24

All money should be pooled together, bills paid, then the rest split evenly so you each get the same amount of spending money.

Durgasarrow · 03/08/2020 13:25

ummmm.... no. "It's time to revisit our agreement." Who will own the bed when he buys it? You are getting ripped off. You need to share the rent and share the cost of the bed, otherwise, he will be entitled to walk away with the physical property and you will be entitled to walk away with nothing.

Chamomileteaplease · 03/08/2020 13:25

I agree with the above. The way you are doing it at the moment is far too messy.

Paying proportionately into a joint account would solve your problems.

Plus if you keep it the current way and split up I bet he will be saying things like "well I keep the bed because I paid for it, I keep the x, y and z."

You are in a vulnerable situation here.

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo · 03/08/2020 13:26

Tell him the situation has changed and you need to split your joint living costs fairly. If he cant do this then the discussion needs to be about moving to a place you can both afford.

lyralalala · 03/08/2020 13:26

How much are your bills and what are your respective incomes?

Durgasarrow · 03/08/2020 13:27

Another possibility is that, since you paid the rent and he paid the bills last year, this year you can pay the bills and he can pay the rent.

Tappering · 03/08/2020 13:27

Time to sit down with a spreadsheet of all of your shared expenses, then agree a proportion of your wages to be paid into a joint account to cover them.

dontdisturbmenow · 03/08/2020 13:29

However recently I have been struggling financially
In which way? Because your income has decrease or because you've been spending more than usual?

I need to be more careful with my money
This would indicate he either doesn't know your income has reduced or he thinks you've been spending your money on things you shouldn't have.

Honeyroar · 03/08/2020 13:29

I can see why he thinks you’re being unfair, but also why you aren’t. Has your wage shrunk? You need to sit down with figures of what you’re spending and what your income is, and work out what is properly fair.

HerNameWasEliza · 03/08/2020 13:56

without knowing your incomes and where your money has gone and how much bills are, its not possible to say one way or the other. If you've bought £300 worth of shoes and now can't pay the rent, the issue is yours. If your income has halved and he still wants to contribute the same, the issue is his.

Skyliner001 · 03/08/2020 13:57

Have you talked to him about it

Iwalkinmyclothing · 03/08/2020 14:01

Why don't you, instead of assigning rent to you and bills to him, combine all costs and pay half each (or proportionally more/ less depending on income)? That way everyone can be sure they're contributing fairly and no one is taken advantage of.

If he wouldn't consider this... why? It would suggest the current set up is far more to his advantage than that would be. Which would make me think, why do I want to be in this relationship?

LovingLola · 03/08/2020 14:02

How long have you been together?

AdaColeman · 03/08/2020 14:14

You need to review all your household expenditure, when you've got the total including rent, split that amount between the two of you 50/50 or if one of you is a much higher earner divide by percentage of income.

The way it is now, he's getting all the benefit of lower outgoings. Also, if you were to split up, you would have nothing to show for your contributions, while he would have all the household items he had bought. It doesn't take much imagination to see how in an acrimonious break-up he could claim them all as his, because he had purchased them.

You need a plan and a serious talk @curlyhairdiva!

BakedCam · 03/08/2020 14:32

Is the tenancy in both your names, Curly?

In agreement with PP, you really need to take this opportunity to have a discussion around the household finances.

SimonJT · 03/08/2020 14:35

How much do you both earn each month?
How much do bills (and council tax) add up to each month?

IwishIhadaMargarita · 03/08/2020 16:40

When me and DH moved in together we worked out a monthly budget including food ,out in £70 a week for it). We then added up our combined take home wage. We then worked out the % of bills from our take home wage. So for example if the bills were 36% of take home wages then we each paid 36% of our wage into the account. I didn’t want ‘equal’ spending money as we didn’t earn equal amounts and would feel I was being given money by him each month.

user1493413286 · 03/08/2020 16:46

I would just say to him that you need to rethink how you divide things; it’s quite clever of him to buy the things you need and then if you break up he will say that they are his as he bought them

TorysSuckRevokeArticle50 · 03/08/2020 16:55

Sit down and work it out properly.

What is the total income into the home, what proportion is your earnings, what proportion is his, what are the total bills and rent including all shared purchases like groceries then split it.

So if you earn 60% of the income and him 40%, the total outgoings are £1000 you pay £600, he pays £400.

User50000999788887876655 · 03/08/2020 17:03

How much are bills? £200/300? He’s got a great deal! You should be splitting the rent and the bills!!

PurpleTigerLove · 03/08/2020 17:06

Set up a joint account for rent and bills ? If he doesn’t agree to this then your relationship is doomed . Best to find out now so you can part ways before you have children .

hellsbellsmelons · 03/08/2020 17:07

You need to split the rent and bills down the middle.
His tightness and blatant show of taking advantage of you does not bode well for the future.
I'd be seriously rethinking the whole thing unless he can sort it out and quick sharp.
How much do you earn compared to him?