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Original poster

Do men lie to get you into bed?

27 replies

Smillar2020 · 02/08/2020 21:39

I recently reconnected with an old flame I knew years ago. I’m single again and we got chatting over text catching up. He said it seemed crazy we never went on a date when we knew each other (kinda FWB situation) and that he got the vibes I wasn’t interested. The thing is I was interested in much more and it broke my heart when he met someone and I never really got over him, even 10 plus years on. I say FWB but that’s how it seemed he wanted things with me at the time. He also said if I hadn’t given off the not interested vibes who knows what could’ve happened and he would’ve loved to have seen more of me if he thought I’d been keen. Is he playing mind games with me or are men generally quite honest?

OP posts:
Hairthrowaway · 02/08/2020 21:42

I reckon if he wanted a relationship or date, he’d have made a move at the time. He would have at least tried if he felt the same way.

He’s just saying this now to try and flatter you

Karwomannghia · 02/08/2020 21:43

In general of course some men will say anything as a means to an end (away). But you know this man better than anyone on here, what’s his relationship history? Did you say things before to get you into bed?

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 02/08/2020 21:43

Hes probably lying to make himself seem like a nicer guy and save your ego a bit.

To an extent we all rewrite our own versions of the past when we grow as people and realise we did something knobbish.

It wouldn't put me off seeing where this could go now though. He has possibly/probably told a small lie, but it's for the right reasons.

Notthetoothfairy · 02/08/2020 21:46

Definitely mind games! If you were FWB, of course he would have tried to take you out if he had wanted to at the time.

Original poster
Smillar2020 · 02/08/2020 21:48

When I jokingly protested and said well you never asked about a date he said oh I was too young and stupid at the time, if I’d met you a bit later when I had grown up we could’ve made something of it. I just don’t know if he’s trying to flatter me or make me think I really did give off the uninterested vibes to try and get something from me now.

OP posts:
BonfireStarter · 02/08/2020 21:48

Yes they do (women also dupe men in fairness).

iamtheoneandonlyyy · 02/08/2020 21:50

He's after a shag

Frenchic · 02/08/2020 21:50

IME if a man wants a relationship with you, you’ll know about it.
Maybe he’s saying this now to get back in your good books. I’d be quite wary especially if you still harbour some feelings for him.

Pan2 · 02/08/2020 21:52

Yes.

Anotheruser02 · 02/08/2020 21:52

In general yes they do.

DianasLasso · 02/08/2020 21:52

Do bears crap in the woods, OP?

(Not all men, natch...)

Beware becoming his midlife crisis recapturing his lost youth shag. In my late 30s I was staggered by the number of blokes I knew (including some "could have beens if circumstances had been different") who suddenly got in touch out of the blue either via facebook or my work email.

I used to mentally start the countdown from the "gosh, fancy stumbling over your name, how're things" email to the "my wife doesn't understand me" email. Grin

(Now I am in my fifties, I have donned the menopausal cloak of invisibility, and this no longer happens to me.)

Hairthrowaway · 02/08/2020 21:56

He has possibly/probably told a small lie, but it's for the right reasons.

I disagree. As OP said:

He also said if I hadn’t given off the not interested vibes who knows what could’ve happened and he would’ve loved to have seen more of me if he thought I’d been keen.

It’s like he’s blaming her? I think he could have just not mentioned it at all and let the budding relationship organically progress.

Original poster
Smillar2020 · 02/08/2020 21:56

@DianasLasso I think you have nailed it. This guy is married (claiming to be separated now...) he only wants a shag. It’s so degrading that’s that all I’m good enough for. Even all this time on.

OP posts:
Original poster
Smillar2020 · 02/08/2020 21:57

@Hairthrowaway funny you say that as I thought hmm it’s like he is blaming me in a “fun” way

OP posts:
DianasLasso · 02/08/2020 21:59

In that case, it sounds like it wouldn't do you any favours to use him for a shag - you're likely to get emotionally involved, then feel used.

Go for the no-nonsense "jolly nice to hear from you, shame about your marriage, now, hasn't the weather been good/crap recently?"

It really pisses them off when you're politely distant and give them the brush off WinkGrin

Hairthrowaway · 02/08/2020 22:01

[quote Smillar2020]@Hairthrowaway funny you say that as I thought hmm it’s like he is blaming me in a “fun” way[/quote]
Yeah, exactly. He could have just left it as “we definitely should have gone on a date back then” or “I always wondered if we could have been more”, instead of adding on that you were (apparently) frosty?

Also the fact that he’s married is a red flag. I’d genuinely tell him to message you when he’s officially single because you don’t want to end up in a situationship

Purpletigers · 02/08/2020 22:05

If you like him then go on a date with him . You don’t have to sleep with him . See how long he’ll wait . You’ll know if he really likes you or not .

RustyLeesBogBrush · 02/08/2020 22:14

Oh yeah. Seen it loads but one incidence really stuck in my mind because it was so brazen.

I had a friend meet this guy and she was really smitten with him. After a few nights of seeing him, she was at our flat for my birthday party and was rhapsodising about all this poetic shit he was spilling to her. I was trying to be happy for her as she had really fancied this guy for a while, but she was really gushing about all this stuff he kept telling her and I was getting alarmed. He actually said “your eyes are like pools of moonlight” Confused It was really over the top Hallmark stuff that you would see in a film or something but she was eating it up.

My husband knew him from school and said he thought he was just saying that to get his leg over and that she should be careful and take her time and we both said ‘don’t sleep with him!’. He phoned her whilst she was at the party and she ducked out, leaving early to go meet him.

A couple of days later, she was blowing up my phone because he had totally ghosted her. She admitted she had slept with him the night she left and that she hadn’t heard from him since. She never did hear from him again and when my husband saw him months later and asked what happened, he said he saw her coming a mile away and told her any old thing to “get his hole” Shock

Notredamn · 02/08/2020 22:16

Yes, he's talking bollocks. And after you've shagged him and want more, he'll be claiming you were giving off those 'not that interested' vibes of yours, he didn't realise blah blah blah

MilerVino · 02/08/2020 22:30

Is he playing mind games with me or are men generally quite honest?

Yes he's playing mind games. Nothing to do with what other men do or don't say though.

Original poster
Smillar2020 · 02/08/2020 22:39

I think I have to let him go before things go any further and get worse. I hate that I still have strong feelings for him.

OP posts:
ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 02/08/2020 23:15

Well you can't have been that uninterested if you were FWB.

theBelgranoSisters · 02/08/2020 23:18

Its a given OP..then they lie to keep you there,they lie about where they are and what they're up to with other women in their lives(who they're also lying to) and then they lie when they're caught lying.

Purpletigers · 02/08/2020 23:19

You can still see him . Just don’t jump
Into bed with him .

LegoMaus · 02/08/2020 23:20

When I jokingly protested and said well you never asked about a date he said oh I was too young and stupid at the time
Men pursue what they want. If he didn’t ask you out then he didn’t want to. He’s making excuses now because he’s looking to use you for something - sex, or an ego boost perhaps. I would stay well away.

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