First post in a long while - not sure if it’s in the right place.
I’m worried about my 8 (nearly 9) year old boy - he is just so impulsive.
He is a really bright boy but has a very silly personality. His teachers have spoken to me at every parents’ evening since nursery about his silly behaviour and decision making. A recent example at school would be that every time he goes to the toilets, he turns the lights out so all the kids scream and get scared. He was given a consequence at school but that didn’t stop him doing it again. His behaviour at school is never major - he never needs to go to the head or anything. He is never rude or never hurts the other kids. He is also very popular at school and is really bright, exceeding the year group expectations.
Anyway, at home, he just doesn’t think. An example would be yesterday when our family arrived for a bbq, he chatted to them for 30 secs and then threw the dogs really hard toy over the back garden wall and it hit our neighbours car. It could have really hurt someone. At the same bbq, he finished eating so the same second he finished, walked over to the table the adults were at and just screamed really loudly in our ears. It’s just bizarre.
An example from today would be when my mam arrived with a set of walkie talkies for him and his sister. We took them over the park to see the range on them and all was well. Next thing, with no warning, he threw the walkie talkie about 10 feet in the air and it smashed. This type of behaviour is regular. I literally have hundreds of these examples. Last week his dad strapped him in the car as his seat belt was twisted, my son was saying ‘let me do it’ his dad said ‘I’ll do it, it’s twisted’ so my son spat in his face.
He always gets consequences - time outs, technology removed, sent to bedroom etc. Makes no difference.
The problem is that he is so upset afterwards. Tonight, when talking about his behaviour today, he said man you need to be harsher with me to make me a nicer person. It broke my heart and we both cried. He said he hates how naughty he is. He had lost the use of his I pad for throwing the walkie talkie which meant that he couldn’t FaceTime his friends on a group they had planned for that day. I think that’s harsh enough and don’t want to make him feel worse about himself. I have a 4 year old girl and she is just a breeze. If we are going to a friends house, I’ll pack him all sorts of activities to keep him from misbehaving and don’t even think about it for my little girl. When he goes to grandparents houses, I’ve started bribing him with a toy or Robux to make him behave there - it usually works. I’ve tried the marbles in the jar for positives and he can keep it up when something is at stake but it loses its impact after a while.
Anyway, I’ve been watching him closely and it is always when he is not ‘busy’. Today when I built some Lego with him, he was good as gold. His dad took him on a long walk to collect rocks to paint and, again, good as gold. We watched a movie, painted the rocks and planted some flowers and he was fab throughout it all. The second he is left to his own devices, he does something. The movie finished and 30 seconds later he ran and pushed his sister over and she banged her head. The walkie talkie thing was because we had stopped testing them out. It’s like he can’t handle not having a focus. He just walks around looking for someone to irritate. I thought he would have grown out of it but he just isn’t. Any advice greatly appreciated.