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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

runaway fund and new notes

133 replies

gurneyhalleck · 02/08/2020 20:18

I am wondering how to convert my runaway fund from old twenties to new twenties discreetly in this time of Corona.

I have been skimming my daily spends for years, saving 20-30 pounds a week from my daily lunch/coffee work money. This I have been keeping as physical cash tucked away and it's a sizable sum.

After years, I feel restless in my marriage. I am considering cutting the cord once the children hit adulthood in a couple of years. Much of my stash is in old twenties. How can I get these converted in one go without having to leave details, or cldo I have to do it piecemeal? My problem there is I am currently not in the office, so normally where I could have stopped by on my way in to do it, I don't have that regularity at the moment. Any ideas? Obviously I would like to keep it out of any accounts or anything that leaves an electronic trail

OP posts:
SchrodingersImmigrant · 04/08/2020 08:34

Not every man is abusive... There is absolutely no indicator that he is abusive, stop making him into it with no proof whatsoever. It's not a runaway fund, it's secret savings or walkaway fund.

After years, I feel restless in my marriage.

User87471643901065319 · 04/08/2020 09:15

CherryRipe1

Pay into cash point smallish amounts & draw out same amount
That is actually a very bad idea and WILL trigger a money laundering investigation.

OhMsBeliever · 04/08/2020 09:54

Bloody hell, there was a thread the other day asking if women had an escape fund and when I last read almost everyone was saying it's something that should definitely be done.

And now here we are berating someone for doing just that.

I presume that if the OP did leave her marriage the money would be put towards a deposit for a house and buying whatever she needed to escape from her marriage so would be gone buy the time financial details would be needed for her divorce.

It sounds perfectly reasonable to me. I had a very small amount of savings when I split up with my ex. It meant I could survive that period between him leaving and benefits being set up so I could still pay the mortgage etc, meaning the children and I weren't made homeless.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 04/08/2020 09:57

I don't think anyone has issues with the fact people have savings, they certainly should. It's the secrecy. Unless you are in an abusive relationship there shouldn't be secret funds really. Well as long as you are a man, I guess.

Lockheart · 04/08/2020 10:39

I'm going to quote my own post:

"Financial independence and having your own money does not mean hiding family money. And when you are married, all money is family money. Yes, have non-joint accounts so that both of you have access to money which the other does not, you need that independence, but hiding thousands of pounds away from your husband and children is a dick move."

The issue is not with having your own, independent savings. That is eminently sensible for both parties in a marriage.

The issue is hiding it.

Totallycluelessoverhere · 04/08/2020 11:01

It is not always possible for a person to have savings in a marriage if the other person knows about those savings. If somebody is thinking about ending the marriage clearly there are significant problems in the marriage. People don’t just walk away because they are restless, people in happy marriages are not usually restless, something has caused them to feel that way.
I empathise with anybody who needs to squirrel a few grand away by living frugally in order that one day they can achieve their goal of leaving.

Di11y · 04/08/2020 11:20

I'm certain you can just go to the bank and ask to swap and they won't ask where it's come from. Just say cash savings for a rainy day if they do.

ekidmxcl · 04/08/2020 11:26

Can you not just walk into a bank and asked for the money to be changed into polymer notes? Some branches are open and this is not something you can do online.

I guess it depends how much money you have. It sounds like you have about 5-10 grand based on the figures in your OP. Maybe go in to the bank with 1k and see what they say about it.

Be a bit careful though because if you have more than 10 grand, you're going to look like you need to launder drug money or something!

tara66 · 04/08/2020 11:29

I had some out of date notes. I had to take them to the Bank of England to change them. There was a small queue. You can just walk in but there are a few ''guards''.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 04/08/2020 11:35

Why do you need a runaway fund?

If your marriage is abusive and it's your only access to money, you need help of an entirely different kind.

I'm not sure that's the case, since you refer to being in the office that implies you work, which should mean you can access and save your own money.

You sound like your motive is secrecy. You want to have money your husband does not know about. Why is that?

You understand, of course, that in the event of a messy divorce, both parties need to declare all assets, whether a suitcase of old twenties hidden in your car or a personal bank account. To hide such assets from a court would be fraud.

ProfessorSlocombe · 04/08/2020 11:36

@Di11y

I'm certain you can just go to the bank and ask to swap and they won't ask where it's come from. Just say cash savings for a rainy day if they do.
Probably a good job you don't work in law or medicine then.

People turning up at banks with large numbers of notes needing changing are - for obvious reasons - raising all sorts of suspicions. Money laundering and/or criminal activity spring to mind. Bearing in mind once you have been lucky enough to attract the attention of HMRC and/or the police the onus falls on you to show the money is legitimate. Or lose it.

No advice for the OP, except to be aware of the possibilities. Without knowing how much is involved, it's difficult to know what more to say ... £500 is probably acceptable. £5,000 is going to ring alarm bells.

Personally I'd seriously consider paying for legal advice. Maybe reposting this in the legal section ?

Ch0colatecake · 04/08/2020 11:37

gurneyhalleck Take it to the post office to exchange, certain banks want you to put money into an account then withdrew in order for them to have a paper trail.

loobyloo1234 · 04/08/2020 11:42

So much conflicting advice on MN. So many people say always save money just in case anything happens - partner cheating, leaving you, being abusive etc. Now, the OP is being told they shouldnt have done this? Confused

I would exchange them over time in a bank OP. Over a few trips. If you're worried about notes being taken out of circulation anyway

ProfessorSlocombe · 04/08/2020 11:45

@Ch0colatecake

gurneyhalleck Take it to the post office to exchange, certain banks want you to put money into an account then withdrew in order for them to have a paper trail.
The UK money laundering rules (except for Russian money, obviously) are amongst some of the strictest is the world, and weren't devised for fun. There may be a slight variation from bank to bank, but irrespective of the organisation, they are all bound by them. And because the penalities are severe, they really aren't going to take a chance.

Also, if the OP starts to behave as if they do have something to hide, then they will attract unwanted attention. Which they will then never shake. Because as all MNetters know "there's no smoke without fire". Ever.

JosephineDeBeauharnais · 04/08/2020 11:48

Use the cash to buy 22 or 24 carat gold jewellery eg bangles and necklaces, get a safety deposit box at a bank and stash the jewellery in there. When the time comes that you need to convert back to cash, sell back to the jeweller.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 04/08/2020 12:02

Josephine
This is a bad route, the jewellers never pay back any where close to value.

MrDarcysMa · 04/08/2020 12:06

@JosephineDeBeauharnais

Use the cash to buy 22 or 24 carat gold jewellery eg bangles and necklaces, get a safety deposit box at a bank and stash the jewellery in there. When the time comes that you need to convert back to cash, sell back to the jeweller.
Terrible idea
HollowTalk · 04/08/2020 12:16

If this is your partner, rather than your husband, then you won't be expected to share funds with him if you split up.

Do you mean you're taking money out of your own account and keeping it as cash? Does your partner check what you have in your account?

Are you not worried he'll find the cash?

JosephineDeBeauharnais · 04/08/2020 12:17

It’s not a terrible idea if you go to Asian jewellers. They weigh the item, show you the gold price of the day and pay out, taking a small commission- it’s like currency exchange. It’s not the same as high street jewellers.

CatsArePeopleToo · 04/08/2020 12:25

You didn't mention your financial situation - do you work? What do you earn?

MaybeDoctor · 04/08/2020 13:31

There are shades of grey between 'abusive' and 'a loving spouse'. The OP is the one who knows her spouse so knows what he would or would not do in the event of her wanting to leave. He might not be abusive right now, but she might have good reason to believe that he would put financial barriers in the event of her leaving. This sort of situation crops up on MN threads every week so I don't know why it is so surprising or shocking that she might be saving a runaway fund. Hmm

Totallycluelessoverhere · 04/08/2020 15:27

Exactly maybedoctor
We don’t know the ins and outs of other people’s situations and I think people with secret savings probably have good reason to feel they might need them in most cases.
I prefer to think that women are taking care of whatever they need to in order to not be trapped in an unpleasant or abusive situation. If that means they skip a few coffees and squirrel away enough to rent somewhere and have a 2 year ‘escape’ plan of action then good for them for doing something constructive towards making the break.

Totallycluelessoverhere · 04/08/2020 15:30

And Mumsnet is such a judgemental place. I can just imagine if a woman posted to say she had left her husband after thinking about it for three years but was in homeless accommodation with her children and had no money for food until her universal credit payment was sorted, people would be berating her for not having used those 3 years to squirrel away enough to rent somewhere when she left.

PregnantAndTiredMum · 04/08/2020 15:32

If the money is your own personal money then I've no idea why you can't just keep it in your own bank account.

Sunrise234 · 04/08/2020 16:20

I can just imagine if a woman posted to say she had left her husband after thinking about it for three years but was in homeless accommodation with her children and had no money for food until her universal credit payment was sorted

I agree but OP has said she has been hiding away £20/30 a week for years so she has thousands - surely this is enough to leave and rent somewhere. She is also working so would have a regular income. And she would get half of the family money once she has divorced. But she is waiting another couple of years to leave. If the relationship is that bad she needs to get herself and kids away ASAP.

I’m shocked at how many posters on here aren’t encouraging her to leave more if they believe she’s in an abusive marriage.