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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hateful child. Is it my fault? Most likely it is.

84 replies

CatsArePeopleToo · 02/08/2020 19:51

My 11yo DS is one of these "soft" boys who gets pushed around and picked on. Recently he said he wanted to murder those other kids. I didn't pay much attention earlier, but he said that recently about family friends. It really scares me.

OP posts:
streamlinedcaverns · 02/08/2020 20:26

YABU to describe any child as hateful. He needs your love and support not labelling as hateful.

Wheresthebiffer2 · 02/08/2020 20:27

er..no It wouldn't be unfair to remove inappropriate violent video/computer games.

If you had accidentally bought him trainers that hurt/damaged his feet, I'd hope you would replace them with something better. Ditto wrong choice of games - you NOW realise they are fuelling his anger and violent side, so NOW you can do the right thing as a PARENT, and get rid. You can sort this.

Original poster
CatsArePeopleToo · 02/08/2020 20:27

I use games as a relaxation technique myself. My kid saw it and wanted a go. The most culpable game is Skyrim.

OP posts:
year5teacher · 02/08/2020 20:27

Absolutely would never recommend giving a child violent games to get their anger out. I just?? Don’t see how this could be helpful in any way - no wonder he’s talking about violence as a way to solve his problems Hmm

You need to have a proper chat with him and take away the games (and explain why, don’t do it as a punishment)

LovingLola · 02/08/2020 20:27

What games? And a few years ago he was 8 or 9?

KorkMum · 02/08/2020 20:29

Not your fault OP. Mine said how he wants to crush peoples skulls when angry when younger. Hes a lovely kid though!

Thisismytimetoshine · 02/08/2020 20:30

Why did you only start paying attention when he was picked on / pushed around by family friends, op?? Hateful?! The poor bugger...

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/08/2020 20:31

"hateful?" "Soft?" He's being bulllied and he's fed up and angry about it. Get him some proper help and reconsider how you are supporting him.

Original poster
CatsArePeopleToo · 02/08/2020 20:32

He was 8 when started Skyrim. Then the Assassin's Creed, because we travelled to places depicted in there. Some older games on PC, themes of WW2.

OP posts:
mrsmalcolmreynolds · 02/08/2020 20:32

Violent games "a few years ago" so when he was say 8 Shock? I doubt that's the real root of the issue now but still not good at all. My DS7 has just been allowed the basic, non-interactive Minecraft and we're watching him pretty carefully with that.

You do sound quite disparaging - I'd describe a boy who liked less typically "masculine" stuff as having broad interests, not "soft".

LovingLola · 02/08/2020 20:35

So what are you planning to do?

mrsmalcolmreynolds · 02/08/2020 20:36

Just checked those two games and they are rated for 17/18 yo! You need to take them away and start talking to your child!!!!!

jackdawdawn · 02/08/2020 20:37

Yes, my middle boy is very very quiet at school, withdrawn and sensitive (ASD diagnosis) and this happens to him too. He often makes comments like this. It is worrying when it happens.

He's quite a big tall fit lad, and I think some self defence, martial arts etc might improve his confidence. If he can handle himself if he is pushed around, the bullies will know not to come back - that's brutal, but it is the way young males are. Might the same work for your son? The last thing I want, and you too I imagine, is for him to throw a punch, really hurt someone, or do something regrettable. When life gets back to normal, if ever, I am going to look into classes.

year5teacher · 02/08/2020 20:37

Assassin’s creed is 18+ for a reason, honestly I think you’re seeing the effects of a) bullying and b) violent video games at a young age - not a great combination and you seriously need to do something about it

sst1234 · 02/08/2020 20:38

OP, teach him to stand up for himself. Does he have a male role model in his life. Being bullied is an enormous trauma, it makes children’s lives hell.

Jussayingisall · 02/08/2020 20:39

Kinda sorta sounds like your fault yeah.

whataboutbob · 02/08/2020 20:41

My cousins son has Asperger. He is quiet, thoughtful and academically successful. So a potential bullying victim. He does krag magma ( probably not the correct spelling, it’s the Israeli self defence technique). That has helped his confidence and emotional management enormously.

whataboutbob · 02/08/2020 20:42

It’s Krav Maga.

Coldspringharbour · 02/08/2020 20:44

You gave him violent games to play as an outlet and now you’re calling him hateful. I think you need to take some parenting class

Original poster
CatsArePeopleToo · 02/08/2020 20:46

Thanks for suggesting Krav Maga

OP posts:
AuntyPasta · 02/08/2020 20:48

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Junenamechange · 02/08/2020 20:50

@mrsmalcolmreynolds

Just checked those two games and they are rated for 17/18 yo! You need to take them away and start talking to your child!!!!!
Like I said - this can’t be for real.
randomer · 02/08/2020 20:53

One of those soft boys?

Jonoula · 02/08/2020 20:55

You say he gets into trouble at school for fighting. Doesn’t sound like he needs self defence lessons. More anger management.
The games don’t help.

itsgettingweird · 02/08/2020 20:57

He's expressing his anger at the way people are treating him.

I hate that quiet and non argumentative people seem to be fair game to louder more outgoing people.

Instead of thinking it's hateful he feels that way - talk to him. Ask him if there's a way you can help.