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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Facebook unfriending

59 replies

Coronakid · 02/08/2020 14:14

Im part of a FB group of about 40. Most of us met over the years but as our link was to do with our children as they’ve grown not so much. I have about 6 I’m very close to and pre-Covid saw often. A member in the group but not part of the 6 deleted me. I did ask her why and she just gave a reason about trimming her friends list. Fine her choice I didn’t think it would make a big difference to my life. However, ever since anytime anything about my life comes up she’s wanting to know the details. Examples are: Asking what my new kittens called, asking what’s happened to my mum etc. I just want to say ‘why un friend me if you’re so interested in my life. So am I being unreasonable to consideration blocking her?

OP posts:

Picklypickles · 02/08/2020 17:57

I deleted most of my FB friends a couple of years ago, I had been considering deleting my account altogether but like having it to keep in touch with family scattered around the world. I was wasting far too much time scrolling through millions of pictures of peoples days out and holidays etc and often missing the stuff I actually wanted to see from family that was buried in amongst it all. It can also change the way you see a person if they post certain things and I'd rather stay blissfully unaware of their opinions.

I never announced my FB cull or bothered trying to explain myself as I really didn't think anyone would care! Friends I've seen in person I've just explained it to and they've been fine with it - all except my neighbour who hasn't given me the chance because she immediately started blanking me completely and then behaving like a teenager, huddling together with her little entourage in the school playground at home down and all glancing over at me whispering and giggling! She must take herself very seriously to be so offended by not being my FB friend!

AlternativePerspective · 02/08/2020 17:58

What a terribly shallow and narrow way to define friendship. It is entirely possible to strike up a friendship online. of course it is, I’ve made many friends online, and some I have met in RL and some I never will. But reality is that it is different. Because while you may have that online connection, it is based on the fact that you have a connection to the internet. If that connection goes down, then so does the friendship.

If one of your online friends dies, what are the chances of you finding out? Would one of the people in your RL think to contact your online friends to tell them? Unlikely.

And the fact is that many online friends are just acquaintances, so unfriending them isn’t the same as cutting off someone in RL.

BuntyBonus · 02/08/2020 18:01

Lol @rottiemum88 opening her post with ‘cringe’ and then accusing OP of being a teenager

Laaalaaaa · 02/08/2020 19:09

Sounds like you probably share far too much information on facebook. As for asking why you were deleted - that’s embarrassing.

Original poster

Coronakid · 02/08/2020 19:55

@Laaalaaaa

Sounds like you probably share far too much information on facebook. As for asking why you were deleted - that’s embarrassing.

I barely post on my wall, so doubt very much it was too much information.

Apologies you're embarrassed on my behalf. This was someone who frequently interacted with me, mostly by pm, so I was genuinely confused and upset at why she deleted me. The only reason I could think of was, was I wasn't quick enough to reply to messages.

OP posts:

Original poster

Coronakid · 02/08/2020 20:19

Just to clarify, I have met her in real life as part of the group, (about 95% of the group have met). its just unlikely we would now as our children are older and we live all over the country. Its a warm and friendly group as was started to support our children through a shared trauma. Another reason I found it odd she had deleted me.

She asks me in the group. I or someone else will make a passing comment in a thread and she'll start asking for details. For example on the kitten one it was "oh, I didn't know you had a kitten, how sweet what is she Called?'

OP posts:

HandsDownRoundTheTown · 02/08/2020 20:48

The only reason I could think of was, was I wasn't quick enough to reply to messages.

This is insane. If someone defriends you for not replying to FB messages quickly enough, consider yourself fortunate.

MintyMabel · 04/08/2020 01:14

But reality is that it is different. Because while you may have that online connection, it is based on the fact that you have a connection to the internet. If that connection goes down, then so does the friendship.

I have friends in real life who have moved overseas. Does their friendship disappear when the internet goes down too?

If one of your online friends dies, what are the chances of you finding out? Would one of the people in your RL think to contact your online friends to tell them? Unlikely.

This did actually happen to me last year. Someone I had had an online friendship with for nearly 20 years. I found out the very next day that she had died, as her daughter contacted one of her other online friends and asked her to contact the rest of us.

And the fact is that many online friends are just acquaintances, so unfriending them isn’t the same as cutting off someone in RL

Many people in RL are just acquaintances and cutting them off is just as easy. The nature of the friendship is the key, not how it is conducted.

allisia · 04/08/2020 07:47

You said you met through your children so you know her through association not really a natural friendship so maybe she doesn't see you as a friend or know you well enough to keep on SM (you say you are unlikely to ever see her again) but then if you do see her maybe through your dc what's wrong with polite conversation? Small talk about a kitten is hardly intrusive.

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