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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To change my baby's name?

69 replies

nothereoften · 02/08/2020 13:28

DH and I spent ages trying to choose a name for our DS. I eventually said we could use the name he preferred but now I’m not sure - it feels a bit like the wrong name/someone else’s baby’s name and I don’t like hearing other people use it. We have to register him next week - should I push to have the name I prefer instead, or will I grow to love the other name?!? Anyone been in this situation?! How did it work out?

(To add: DH doesn’t like the name I prefer, so he would be gutted to change it)

OP posts:

Batmanandbobbin · 02/08/2020 15:28

@Fairenuff I love your song

zigaziga · 02/08/2020 15:30

With baby names both parents can veto.

If he doesn’t like your favourite, it’s out and if you don’t like his, it’s also out. You will have to find a name you both like given it doesn’t seem there is a name you both love.

Lazysundayafternoons · 02/08/2020 15:59

You need to change the name.
I felt like this with dbaby, still do now and hes 14 months old now so too late to change. Never got used to it and still find it weird when other people say his name.

TheNoodlesIncident · 02/08/2020 16:02

When we were looking for a boy name, we sat down with name books and a piece of paper each, and looked through the books, writing down every name that was liked/would be acceptable. Then we went through both lists and made a list of the names that came up on both lists. So we had a shortlist to choose from that we both liked.

I do think you should find another name you can both agree on, as in my experience you won't change your mind about it and if you don't like it now, you've got years of hearing a horrible name applied to your child.

Posters often say things like "..and now I can't imagine her/him called anything else!" but of course they can't, they never have heard them called something other than their name... You won't get used to it and it most likely won't grow on you, so best find another name.

Coldspringharbour · 02/08/2020 16:03

@MikeUniformMike

Get your post moved to baby names.

I would tell your DH that you are not getting used to the name at all and want to rename him, then agree on a name you both like.

You, as the mother, should get the final say.

Why on earth should the other have the final say. Don’t respond with that ‘because she carries him for nine months narrative’ because that’s not a good enough reason. It should be entirely joint.

Yeahnahmum · 02/08/2020 16:05

You had 9 months to figure out a name op come on. Neither name sounds great as one of you don't like it .
Find a name you both like fgs

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/08/2020 17:26

Intrigued what the name is 😂

And your fav name

But yes a different name you both like

As you and child will be saying it for the rest of their lives

ivfdreaming · 02/08/2020 17:34

@LockdownLump

Man hating sexism at its best right there

Wow. Quite an extreme response!

Not at all just it's typical comment on MN that places men as inferior to women when it comes to anything involving their children

laudete · 02/08/2020 17:46

@RonnieBob

You need to find a different name that you both like.

^This. Choose a different name that you both like. I doubt either of you will grow to love a name that you hate.

Original poster

nothereoften · 02/08/2020 18:44

Thanks so much for replies so far. Just to be clear I don’t hate the name DH likes/we’ve already chosen - I like it in theory, but in practice it just feels wrong for him? Like it don’t recognise it as his name...

I also feel bad we’ve already announced the name to family and friends and a bit embarrassed to change it but that’s a rubbish reason to stick with the name, right?!

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/08/2020 19:24

My cousin changed her babies name few weeks after

Now 6yrs later I can’t R.E.M. What original name is

TeetotalKoala · 02/08/2020 19:33

@nothereoften

I also feel bad we’ve already announced the name to family and friends and a bit embarrassed to change it but that’s a rubbish reason to stick with the name, right?!

How old is your baby? DH and I agreed completely on DS1s name, but it took me weeks and weeks to have his name flow off my tongue. It was just weird having this whole new person in the house. I kept calling him the cats name!

YeahWhatevver · 02/08/2020 19:35

100% tell DH and change it but to something new entirely

PoodleMoth · 04/08/2020 08:37

It might just take you a while to get used to it. I love my childrens names but when they are new it feels weird calling them anything and I tended to call them baby or other random affectionate terms more that using their names for ages!

forevercurious · 04/08/2020 08:57

If you don’t love the name change it to something you and your DP both like. I can’t imagine not loving DS’s name.

Poppinjay · 05/08/2020 10:56

I did this with DD2.

We decided on her name before she was born and for the first few weeks it just felt wrong. It was like I was talking about someone else's baby. I can't explain why.

I decided not to try to change it and it was the right thing to do. I got over it within a few more weeks and have since loved it and it suits her perfectly. She likes it and the she likes the gender neutral shortening of it she chooses to use most of the time too.

I can only speak for myself but I'm glad I didn't change it.

Starisnotanumber · 05/08/2020 11:11

Are you in the same ballpark with names or are you heading in different directions.
If one of you is aiming for Ptolemy or Sebastian and the other is Tim or Oliver I can see your difficulties.

GU24Mum · 05/08/2020 11:19

We really struggled with DS's name as we didn't like the same names and by the time we found one we both felt the same about, neither of us really liked that which seemed a bit pointless.

So, we trialled one name which I decided (albeit fairly quickly) that I couldn't live with so we ditched that. Then OH finally said I could have the name I wanted but he was so reluctant that I said not to bother. Then we went with Option 3 which had lots of family backlash and DD pronounced it very oddly so that got ditched and we eventually came up with a name (which was the one I'd wanted). OH kept telling me up til DS was about 5 that he didn't really love the name and I'm certainly not as convinced about his as I am about the names for the others. All this took about 6 weeks by the way!

So, if you still don't like the name, I'd definitely stop using it, go back to the drawing board and see if you can find something else - but be prepared to end up with the name as you may find there's nothing else which you both prefer! I found that by the time we'd dithered for so long, nothing seemed right. Don't worry about what everyone else thinks - it will be a bit of a story and they may tease you for a bit but it's important you take the time at least to explore if you can come up with something else.

I'm very glad we didn't go with the first name though!!

GU24Mum · 05/08/2020 11:20

PS: Much though I'd also like to know what names you are thinking about, don't say what they are as half the posters will prefer the current one and half the second one but it's not our baby to name!

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