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Original poster

To change my baby's name?

69 replies

nothereoften · 02/08/2020 13:28

DH and I spent ages trying to choose a name for our DS. I eventually said we could use the name he preferred but now I’m not sure - it feels a bit like the wrong name/someone else’s baby’s name and I don’t like hearing other people use it. We have to register him next week - should I push to have the name I prefer instead, or will I grow to love the other name?!? Anyone been in this situation?! How did it work out?

(To add: DH doesn’t like the name I prefer, so he would be gutted to change it)

OP posts:
TuttiFrutti · 02/08/2020 14:24

You need a compromise name.

This happened years ago with my dsis, when my dm and df couldn't agree and both wanted a name which the other hated. She wasn't named for the longest legal period before they had to register her, when they agreed to a different name which they both felt "meh" about. She has always been called by a nickname!

Yarboosucks · 02/08/2020 14:25

Why not give the DH name as a middle name and pick one that you both like as a first name?

category12 · 02/08/2020 14:27

If you don't like it, I'd go for a different name that hopefully you can agree on, but with the current name as a middle name.

oakleaffy · 02/08/2020 14:32

Choose names you both feel happy with.

We only gave DS one name, thinking he could choose his own middle name when he grew old enough to...But sadly it doesn't work like this.

So so wish we had named him after his grandads as a middle name. {William}

Have you a ''family'' name you can use?

But a name has to sound right.
Both parents need equal input ideally.

iolaus · 02/08/2020 14:41

I think both parents have veto power - this will often lead to you using a name neither of you love, but you both like. So for that reason I don't think you can push for the name you like - however suggesting you use a different name is another thing

How old is your baby now - just wondering as with covid he may be older than the 6 weeks so delaying registering the birth may not be feasible,

I can't imagine changing my child's name after using it for them (and having told people what it is) however I know a friend did (didn't know her at the time of the birth) but when her son found congratulations cards on the birth of Brandon she had to answer a lot of questions from him on who Brandon was (I'm sure he was about 12 or 13 at the point he found them - and assumed there was a brother he'd never been told about).

Does the name have a nickname you prefer that you could use? ie if he's Theodore but you prefer Teddy it's not a massive deal to register him as the full version but tell relatives to call him by the short version.

Middle names are also something to make sure you discuss before registering (it also gives you longer to decide if you prefer the middle name he wouldn't be the only one to go by a middle name) - that said FIL's first name that he uses is absolutely no relationship to either his first name, middle name or surname but apparently he's used it since he was about 3 or 4

helloareyouthere · 02/08/2020 14:47

If you can't decide on a name before you register you can change it later.
We changed our sons' at four months. There is a special form for under one year olds getting a name change so can't be that uncommon if there is a special form for it!

Topseyt · 02/08/2020 14:49

Both parents need to be happy with the name. This is their joint child.

Perhaps his preferred name is given as the child's first name and yours as a middle name, or vice versa.

Could you tell us the name? Also your preferred name? We might be able to make some suggestions then.

Gobbycop · 02/08/2020 14:54

@Veganfortheanimals

🤣

howfarwevecome · 02/08/2020 14:58

You need a name that you're both happy to use and hear.

You are not happy.

You would not be unreasonable to say this and ask for a rethink.

Fairenuff · 02/08/2020 15:00

You need a name that you both like. Keep looking.

yomellamoHelly · 02/08/2020 15:00

How does your partner feel about the name? If he loves it I think I'd leave it tbh.
Here I chose two of our dc's names and he chose the other. He felt quite strongly about this name so I let him have it.
Have never felt the name I didn't choose completely suits dc, and as they grow older I feel that more strongly, but it's not the end of the world and dc is starting to play around with it themselves so it's all moot anyway.

howfarwevecome · 02/08/2020 15:01

I don't think mother's should necessarily get 'final say' on what their child will be called when both parents are together, but I do think they should get to veto a name they intensely dislike. for whatever reason.

It would be crushing to grow a baby for 9 months, frankly, dream about it, then have to call it something I actively disliked and winced every time I heard it.

Thisismytimetoshine · 02/08/2020 15:03

@howfarwevecome

I don't think mother's should necessarily get 'final say' on what their child will be called when both parents are together, but I do think they should get to veto a name they intensely dislike. for whatever reason.

It would be crushing to grow a baby for 9 months, frankly, dream about it, then have to call it something I actively disliked and winced every time I heard it.

Well, nobody's arguing for that...
Fairenuff · 02/08/2020 15:06

If it's any help my boy's name was going to be Dennis (after grandfather and great grandfather) but we would call him Dennny and this was going to be our song Grin

Oh Denis doo be do
I'm in love with you, Denis doo be do
I'm in love with you, Denis doo be do
I'm in love with you

Denis Denis, oh with your eyes so blue
Denis Denis, I've got a crush on you
Denis Denis, I'm so in love with you

Oh when we walk it always feels so nice
And when we talk it seems like paradise
Denis Denis I'm so in love with you

You're my king and I'm in heaven every time I look at you
When you smile it's like a dream
And I'm so lucky 'cause I found a boy like you

Denis Denis, avec tes yeux si bleux
Denis Denis, moi j'ai flashe a nous deux
Denis Denis, un grand baiser d'eternite

Denis Denis, je suis si folle de toi
Denis Denis, oh embrasse-moi ce soir
Denis Denis, un grand baiser d'eternite

Oh Denis doo-be-do
I'm in love with you, Denis doo-be-do
I'm in love with you, Denis doo-be-do
I'm in love with you

But I had a girl, so it's all yours OP Grin

pigsDOfly · 02/08/2020 15:08

You need to be happy with your child's name so yes, you should change it to one that you're both happy with.

I have a two year old GS. The name his parents have chosen is a name I can't stand and after two years it still feels odd every time I say it.

He a gorgeous little boy, and I absolutely adore him but I'm not sure I'm ever going to get use to his name or learn to like it and you might never learn to love your baby's name if you don't like it now OP.

Obviously , I've never told my GS's parents how I feel.

Viviennemary · 02/08/2020 15:09

I agree you need more thought before deciding. I got my way. It's quite important.

IncyWincySpiderOnRepeat · 02/08/2020 15:12

We changed name when dd was several weeks old just before registering her and have absolutely no regrets (she’s now 5). The name we picked prior to birth just didn’t feel right once she was born and we could hear people using it.

If there is another name you both like I wouldn’t hesitate to make the change before you register. If you aren’t feeling right now about the existing name I doubt that will change...

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 02/08/2020 15:14

You are unlikely to grow to love the name. You wi probably learn to accept it but that is not the same. You should have his current name as his middle name and choose a first name you both like.

1forAll74 · 02/08/2020 15:17

I chose the name of my first child when pregnant, and for my second child when pregnant. I had to have two names in mind for both children, as was in the days before birth scans. We kept my chosen names, as my Husband said, whatever I chose, he would like. job done !
Consequently, it always makes me laugh, when I hear about people, who spend ages and ages trying to choose a baby name.

I think that you will now have to choose another name, as you can't agree on the one you have. So you can now spend another, ages and ages, to find another one !!

notangelinajolie · 02/08/2020 15:19

Keep the name.

I didn't like the name my DH wanted to call DD1 He absolutely loved it. And however much I tried I couldn't come up with an alternative that I loved as much as he loved his choice.

I couldn't take it from him, so we agreed that if we had a DD2 her name would be all my choice. He stuck to the deal and both our girls suit their names very well.

We let the girls pick the name of DD3 which is not a name I would ever have picked in a million years but it is a beautiful name and now I couldn't imagine her being called anything else.
we would have vetoed a really bad name but they came up with a lovely one so we went with it
Smile

Boy name was set in concrete and we both agreed on it but we didn't have any boys so that was that.

Thisismytimetoshine · 02/08/2020 15:20

@Viviennemary

I agree you need more thought before deciding. I got my way. It's quite important.
Didn't your partner feel the same?!
Melroses · 02/08/2020 15:21

I went to school with someone whose parents did not agree on her name. The gave her one name as her first name and the other as her middle name.

When I used to ring, the father always answered, and I would say "Hello, is in? He would say, "yes", then call ", Mel is on the phone for you"! Blush

Definitely change it, but find a name you both like.

meercat23 · 02/08/2020 15:23

We had names already picked out for both DD and DS. Months ahead. Then when they arrived we instantly changed our minds and picked something else. Both times. We did pick names we both agreed on though

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 02/08/2020 15:25

Change it. I thought it would grow on me and it didnt. I spent the first two years of her life wasting so much time regretting that I didn't go with the other name we'd picked out. It sounded nice in my head but not in the local accent where we live which I didnt realise until a few weeks after we registered her. I've only started to come to terms with it now she is her own person with her own personality rather than a baby who I gave a name to if that makes sense

Batmanandbobbin · 02/08/2020 15:27

We googled baby names after I gave birth..... in the hospital 4 hours after traumatic birth.

We did a random name thingy which was meant to match our last name. It came up with a few both hated then one that my partner LOVED I was okay with. We went with that he told everyone it’s now been a year and I’ve just decided it suits her and I like it. I did spend a lot of the last year thinking I’m not sure your name is right.

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