My mum likened getting a tattoo to paedophilia

[yadayadayesokay]

So DP and DM were having a conversation about tattoos (he has a sleeve & chest tattoo, and mentioned that he is planning another soon)

She hates them and was making this absolutely clear. She thinks they’re disgusting (‘especially on women’) and very ‘look at me’.

She was giving all her unsolicited opinions and he shrugged and said ‘I don’t see the harm in them, they make people happy’ to which she replied ‘abusing children makes paedophiles happy’.

I don’t care what people’s opinions are on how tattoos look, but AIBU I’m thinking this is a ridiculous and offensive thing to say? I’m fuming.

She has issues

I think when you have tattoos you do have to accept that some people hate them. I have one myself and would like more. But what would piss me off about what she said was the complete lack of logic. Abusing young children obviously hurts others, getting a design on your skin only hurts yourself, it's not even an extreme extension of the same argument

There’s a lot going on here.

She was not comparing tattoos to paedophilia.

She was using a great argument that humans can’t have a moral code which is ‘if it makes me happy that makes it ok’ - that would be the height of narcissism and she was pulling your bf up on that. If we all went about thinking ‘so long as it makes me happy it’s ok’ we’d be in chaos incredibly quickly

She was rude - rolling her eyes or whatever and sounds controlling and judgmental.

My own old mum had similar issues - fake tattoo sleeves used to turn her a shade of white !

Good luck op.

She just clutched for an extreme metaphor without thinking it through.

I think YABU slightly for being ‘offended’ by the paedophile comment, when I suspect you know that your mum had absolutely no intention to liken your DP to a paedophile, or to minimise paedophilia or anything like that.

YANBU to be offended by her insulting your DP’s tattoos though!

God, that's disgusting. I'd be gutted if anything so vile came out of my mum's mouth.

She was using a great argument that humans can’t have a moral code which is ‘if it makes me happy that makes it ok’ - that would be the height of narcissism and she was pulling your bf up on that. If we all went about thinking ‘so long as it makes me happy it’s ok’ we’d be in chaos incredibly quickly

Oh come on. Getting a tattoo because you want one isn’t exactly the first step into the world collapsing into hedonistic chaos is it? There’s an enormous gulf between doing things that make you happy which don’t impact anyone else and paedophilia - that’s why so many people on this thread are repulsed by the comparison. The two things are nowhere near in the same ball park and throwing around things like CSA so flippantly to make a point is inappropriate.

@Sparklesocks That’s exactly the word she used when I told her that her comment was ridiculous - She started on about tattoos being ‘hedonistic’. Thank you, you have better articulated how I feel about her argument.

@CalishataFolkart

I detest tattoos...and I think they look disgusting and cheap, especially on women.

But she's right, tattoos are horrible - especially on women.

The sexism is coming from inside the house.

Hah! Exactly.

reminds me of morrissey saying eating meat is the same as being a paedophile-twat

[quote FlamedToACrisp]**@MitziK* Yes, she's deeply offensive and best avoided permanently. Up to you whether you do that, though.*

You seriously believe that one stupid and offensive remark should not be forgiven and would, ideally, cause a permanent rift in the family?

Do you have any friends or relatives left?[/quote]
Relatives - no. The one that wasn't abusive is dead.

Friends, well if they were that nasty towards random people who were doing nothing to them, never mind somebody I loved, they wouldn't be my friends in the first place, would they?

That's not a strawman, it's a straw giant.

Well, she's a fucking daft cow putting it mildly.

sparklesocks I didn’t for a moment say having a tattoo would lead to chaos ! Don’t think it - didn’t say it.

I think what she meant to say was, just because something makes you happy doesn't make it right. That doesn't mean I agree with her point of view on tattoos of course, but as @HeronLanyon said, it's a terrible way to decide one's moral code. She expressed herself very poorly though.

She’d hate me then I’ve got flowers, 007 logo Darth Vader and the tardis as my tattoos. Good grief lock me up I must be a danger then 🤦‍♀️.

Tattoos are ghastly and common. There is another thread at the moment asking how do you know that something is tacky and common? Well, the answer is "a tattoo is tacky and common".

Snort

Well obviously getting a tattoo is exactly as bad as being a paedophile! Jail the tattooed, that’s what I say! ( Yes, joking😬) . I think it was a very poorly chosen metaphor. Obviously getting a tattoo hurts no one, except the person getting it while it’s being done. Paedophilia damages kids lives really forever, very often. I think the op’s Mum meant that their actions make the paedophile happy and are indeed horribly harmful. The happiness of the person doing the tattoo or being a paedophile is not the only consideration was the point she was making I think. Not sure paedophiles are happy in their actions actually. How would you live with yourself?

You are right that it’s obviously a ridiculous and offensive thing to say, but I YABU’d because it’s so ludicrous and presumably said in the heat of the moment thrashing around in a silly family dispute not intended to be put down in black and white for analysis, so YABU to be fuming and reporting her to MN.

ideal retort - "being bloody rude makes geriatrics happy"

what is it about old people? - and yes, you can call me agist, but I'm nearly there myself - that makes them think it is perfectly acceptable to be gobsmackingly rude simply because they are old.
My Nan used to come out with things like "what have you done with your hair, it looks dreadful" and proudly claim she was Jane Blunt - but she spent half her life in dispute with neighbours/church groups/women's guild/women's institute/garden society...

Wtf is wrong with her. What someone chooses to do to their body which is legal is not the same as an illegal, disgusting act which takes a child's body.

I'm fairly indifferent to tattoos and believe it is your choice.

My opinion has changed a little after ex-SIL pleaded poverty and refused to pay anything towards food and clothes for his children. While at the same time having extensive tattoos.

In a case like this, it is self indulgent and does harm children.

That should be ex son in law. Not sister in law!