aibu to be put off relationships/men? Possibly triggering?

[sthafm]

Screenshots uploaded, please note there is bad language and talk of r*pe etc so avoid if you don't want to see them, I uploaded them to show the kind of messages I get)

I was in a relationship for 20 years, he then promptly left me as soon as he turned 40, literally his birthday.. and the same day he left he joined hook up sites to try and meet 21 year olds. (I'm 40, one of then men in the screenshots got my age wrong and assumed I was 33 for some reason)

I have been feeling a bit lonely so thought I would join a few apps/chat rooms etc to get to know a few people.

So many men saying their wife is alseep upstairs/at work/out shopping and they are looking for fun before she wakes up/gets home etc

The guy who told me he would leave his wife right now for me because he is bored to death of her and anyone but her would do.

The countless men who start the conversation with "Hi bitch/whore/milf"

Men telling me nobody will want me because I'm no longer in my prime, no woman over 30 is wanted, women are deluded to think otherwise.

The man who decided to call me a slut because I WOULDN'T send naked pictures to him.

The man who told me he was only there to chat and get to know people, who kept me talking for hours until he was going to bed and then asked for a "pus*sy pic to help him get to sleep"

I have had death treats, men saying they were going to r*pe me, Been told they hope I get corona and die, Told by one lovely man that if I have kids he hopes I get cancer and they would have to watch me die (My crime? I told him I was into men around my own age)

I don't and will not tar all men with the same brush, But when I am getting messages like these multipul times per day/night then I will admit that it is putting me off men full stop, Its hard not to.. I know people say you need thick skin online but I wasn't expecting stuff like this. It doesn't matter which app I am on, This is usual. 9 out of every ten conversations are like this, I am not on any hook up apps/sites btw.

Sent the screenshots to my mum who said its just me who gets messages like this and she has never known anything like it, I must be giving out the wrong impression to them..

aibu to feel like I would be wasting my time to even try to find anyone decent?

Another screenshot as I could only upload three at a time..

Why do you still on the chat rooms if that’s the sort of stuff you receive?

CosSam1 Am I not supposed to go on any apps just in case I get abuse? Is the problem not the fact I am getting messages like these in the first place? Am I supposed to hide myself away?

If you go on these things with sad old men and pathetic incels unfortunately that is what you’re going to receive.

But it doesn't matter which app/website etc I go on, Am I supposed to avoid everything?

These sites are full of weirdos, chancers or just people on keyboards. This is what our daughters will have to put up with as it becomes normalised. Just stay off the sites,

Yes because all chat rooms are full of perverted old men and incels. Just avoid them and covid permitting try and meet people in real life.

Which app is this?

Send Mr Pussy Pic a photo of a cat.

Is this what OLD is like these days?!

People are nicer irl.

This is so worrying. Our poor kids. So sorry OP

That’s not normal, whatever site you’re finding these weirdos on - stop visiting it !

What chat site IS that??? I have never experienced anything like that! I may have got the ocasisonal “whassup slut” and that was on fetlife, so just ignored and blocked. Is this a specific forum for misogynistic, violent narcissists ? I think you need a better chat app.

OP. for a start it is not you - it is them but unfortunately as a woman you will have to be more discerning in order to stop bringing it into your world. That involves so many things and doesn't mean you won't ever encounter it but it is better than receiving stuff like this. I was on the Guardian website and never received anything like this.

There are two reasons for that - first, the site would filter out anything so inappropriate and secondly, the men on there wouldn't send texts like that. Had I received anything in that tone, I would have reported it immediately.

Stay on regulated, decent sites. No matter how high you aim, you cannot raise up this level of thinking to something decent so don't try. Just avoid.

What website is that?! My friends have all the usual dating apps, tinder bumble pof etc but they’ve never had messages like that sent

Oh my god. This is disgusting, but sadly echoes my own (and my friends) experience of OLD, although not to this extreme. Which websites did you find these weirdos on?

A few tips here - Please do your internet due diligence before exchanging numbers (such as using Tineye to look up a profile pic to see if they are legitimate. Talk for a few days.. Don’t hesitate to block these dangerous maniacs at the first hint of a red flag. Don’t take the bait, don’t engage. Just block and delete. Protect yourself emotionally as well as physically as texts like this can impact you for a while too.

You are absolutely worth more than this. A lifetime of being single is better than putting up with these sick predators. Fucking incels. Christ.

These are horrendous. I don’t think I know what you could do to provoke such vile messages. Your mum is talking rubbish.

If the police were adequately funded, I think these messages should result in prosecution.

No personal experience of OLD but I’ve heard that paid sites are better. Know a few friends who’ve ended up married to someone from the Guardian.

Jesus... find some new sites OP. The decent ones/ones you pay for tend to filter out this craziness.

Don't engage with these freaks. As soon as you receive the first inappropriate message block immediately.

Chat rooms are the bowels of the internet, everybody knows this. I really don't understand why you would even be using them when you know the losers and freaks of the world dominate them.

I would definitely avoid whatever site this is. But I would also report at least two of those messages to the police, they are horrendous.

Isn't that WhatsApp?

What site is that 🤮

I’m not excusing the messages at all, hell you should even report some of them to the police. But I must say, why are you even entertaining the conversations? Just block at the first sign of weirdness.

The 2 you did reply to definitely opened with creepy messages. What were you expecting them to reply back, if not more creepiness? If you ask a misogynistic rapey male person a question, they’re going to give an equally fucked up response rather than anything redeeming. There’s literally no need to entertain them

Also stop giving out your phone number

This is what our daughters will have to put up with as it becomes normalised.

Errr young people don’t use online dating websites. If anything, we just use normal social media like Instagram. Some might use tinder (mostly men) but on the whole I think online dating websites are normalised amongst the older generation