aibu to be put off relationships/men? Possibly triggering?

[sthafm]

Screenshots uploaded, please note there is bad language and talk of r*pe etc so avoid if you don't want to see them, I uploaded them to show the kind of messages I get)

I was in a relationship for 20 years, he then promptly left me as soon as he turned 40, literally his birthday.. and the same day he left he joined hook up sites to try and meet 21 year olds. (I'm 40, one of then men in the screenshots got my age wrong and assumed I was 33 for some reason)

I have been feeling a bit lonely so thought I would join a few apps/chat rooms etc to get to know a few people.

So many men saying their wife is alseep upstairs/at work/out shopping and they are looking for fun before she wakes up/gets home etc

The guy who told me he would leave his wife right now for me because he is bored to death of her and anyone but her would do.

The countless men who start the conversation with "Hi bitch/whore/milf"

Men telling me nobody will want me because I'm no longer in my prime, no woman over 30 is wanted, women are deluded to think otherwise.

The man who decided to call me a slut because I WOULDN'T send naked pictures to him.

The man who told me he was only there to chat and get to know people, who kept me talking for hours until he was going to bed and then asked for a "pus*sy pic to help him get to sleep"

I have had death treats, men saying they were going to r*pe me, Been told they hope I get corona and die, Told by one lovely man that if I have kids he hopes I get cancer and they would have to watch me die (My crime? I told him I was into men around my own age)

I don't and will not tar all men with the same brush, But when I am getting messages like these multipul times per day/night then I will admit that it is putting me off men full stop, Its hard not to.. I know people say you need thick skin online but I wasn't expecting stuff like this. It doesn't matter which app I am on, This is usual. 9 out of every ten conversations are like this, I am not on any hook up apps/sites btw.

Sent the screenshots to my mum who said its just me who gets messages like this and she has never known anything like it, I must be giving out the wrong impression to them..

aibu to feel like I would be wasting my time to even try to find anyone decent?

Why are you even replying to these absolute losers?

It's definitely not just you who gets messages like this. I tried OLD for a while (Plenty of Fish and OKCupid), and there were some repulsive weirdos out there. That said, I met DP through OLD (I messaged first!) and we've been together 3 years this month, so there definitely is the possibility of meeting a decent person on there, depending on if you can tolerate some of the vile people. The onus definitely shouldn't be on you to never use these apps, and it smacks of victim blaming to suggest it!

But I do agree that you're wasting your time trying to reason with these toxic wastes of life.

First off, those messages are awful, but please stop wasting your time and energy replying to them and asking “why is that my fault?” Etc it’s just feeding the trolls.

At the first sight of anything remotely unpleasant, ignore and block. These types get off on their shitty behaviour and how it makes women uncomfortable, so even entertaining a discussion is making them feel justified in speaking like this, as it gets attention.

You don’t need to give headspace to this negativity, it won’t be doing you any good.

I did OLD a couple of times and never had anything remotely rude or disrespectful from any of the men I chatted to on Match or POF, so avoid these chat rooms or whatever it is you’re using to chat to these idiots. Block anyone who isn’t 100% respectful and decent. It won’t get any better and you can’t educate them.

Yes the problem is women frequenting certain parts of the Internet

The men, well, we just have to accept there are men like this out there.

It’s always going to happen, so best stop expecting better behaviour OP and start modifying yours.

@vikingwife

That’s not normal, whatever site you’re finding these weirdos on - stop visiting it !

This

It’s always going to happen, so best stop expecting better behaviour OP and start modifying yours.

In the long term, yes. We need men to change their behaviour. But in the short term the OP has a problem. She's meeting men so shitty that it's putting her off all men entirely. The immediate answer to that is to try different sites, or try meeting someone IRL.

Then we can try looking at the bigger picture, but that's a much harder fix.