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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to contribute to daughters rent?

62 replies

Applepea1 · 01/08/2020 11:29

So I know this is the opposite of what would usually be asked but in a dilemma about this.
Daughter was due to go away to university last year but took a gap year at the last minute. She then met her boyfriend who had to leave his shared house during lockdown and ended up moving in with us. This situation is ok but never supposed to be permanent and I'd like it to end soon. Daughter and I have had issues and I was honestly really looking forward to her going away to uni!
She is due to start at our local University now in September as she doesn't want to leave BF.
Rents around here are extortionate and they couldn't afford a one bed place with his wages and her maintenance loan.
So I'm wondering if I should pay her share of the rent or something towards it so they can move out? If she'd gone away to uni I would have paid for accommodation but I'm not sure about this situation.
If he moves back to his parents I think he'd just be staying over here most nights anyway and I'd just lose his rent money.

OP posts:
sst1234 · 01/08/2020 16:45

OP you are setting her up for problems later if you support poor life choices now. Teenage students don’t have the luxury of setting up home with partners. If she wants it, she should worn towards a full time job, with or without a degree. What does her partner do for a living. May not be a popular opinion here, but if she’s career minded and you are enabling her to saddle herself with someone who is never going to work on their prospects, then that a double whammy. It’s actually irresponsible of you to do so.

1Morewineplease · 01/08/2020 16:45

[quote Cadent]@Applepea1

Her maintenance loan is £3500 and halls accommodation would have been between £170-£220 a week. It's the unwritten rule that parents pay this, the loan doesn't come close to providing rent and living costs.

I'm not buying it sorry. Student loan got my through 3 years of living in Central London Halls. My parents didn't pay a penny.

She's happy because she's not adulting, you're doing it for her.[/quote]
My both of my children needed quite a top up to their student loans in order to pay for their Halls and subsequent rentals.
Some students only receive the bare minimum of loans and Hall/student digs generally cost more than that.

choli · 01/08/2020 17:24

@sst1234

OP you are setting her up for problems later if you support poor life choices now. Teenage students don’t have the luxury of setting up home with partners. If she wants it, she should worn towards a full time job, with or without a degree. What does her partner do for a living. May not be a popular opinion here, but if she’s career minded and you are enabling her to saddle herself with someone who is never going to work on their prospects, then that a double whammy. It’s actually irresponsible of you to do so.
This. Don't set your daughter up to do the Mumsnet waste years on a loser act. Stop enabling this situation.
user1471457751 · 01/08/2020 18:14

I'm surprised a previous poster could cover their rent in central London just from the maintenance loan. Mine didn't even cover my rent down in the South West. But then my loan was reduced due to my parents income.

Original poster
Applepea1 · 01/08/2020 18:57

@Teacher12345 thank you. It was absolutely the right decision. Apart from the pandemic she required 2 brain scans in the autumn and testing for MS (all negative thankfully). I can't imagine the stress of her living 3 hours away during that time!

OP posts:
Bonesy1 · 01/08/2020 19:16

[quote Cadent]@Applepea1

Her maintenance loan is £3500 and halls accommodation would have been between £170-£220 a week. It's the unwritten rule that parents pay this, the loan doesn't come close to providing rent and living costs.

I'm not buying it sorry. Student loan got my through 3 years of living in Central London Halls. My parents didn't pay a penny.

She's happy because she's not adulting, you're doing it for her.[/quote]
Cadent, I’ve had 3 go to very different Uni’s in very different cities, in no case did their student loan cover their rent

Givemealltherice · 01/08/2020 19:18

Hey,
I'm a current university student living with my partner. Thanks to being married I get the full loan so my parents wouldn't have to support me (my household is me and my partner not me and my parents). If I was unmarried my parents definitely would of had to top up my maintenance loan as I would get minimum which wouldn't cover rent (even in a shared house) and my university says no one should work more than 16 hours a week which I do. My partner and I currently live in a 1 bedroom flat and actually found that is sharing this flat was cheaper than getting a room each in a shared house although obviously cheapest would be 1 room in a shared house however you would have to find a group of people willing to share with a couple and many houses have dual occupancy fees which can completely remove the saving. If she stays at home she won't get the same maintenance loan as if she moved out. The way my parents helped my brother was by topping up his loan to cover rent and then sending him money weekly for food and stuff, this still came to less than the maximum student loan but he worked (a little more than he should have) to make up the rest.

Givemealltherice · 01/08/2020 19:21

Also why is everyone assuming the guys a waster? Have I missed something?

Original poster
Applepea1 · 01/08/2020 19:57

@Givemealltherice thank you, it's really good to hear your side of things. I suppose because I said his wages wouldn't cover the rent but I was thinking of the added bills, running his car, living expenses for the both of them as well. He's a lovely guy who choose the apprenticeship and employment option when he left school and wants to work his way up now. He worked hard up in her room all through lockdown and enjoys his job. They seem to love each other and I've never seen her happier. Good enough for me.

OP posts:
Muppetry76 · 02/08/2020 08:29

Having scared myself to death with the expectation that parents pay rent (?!?) I've googled and my dc would be eligible for full maintenance loan. I suspect if your income is sufficient that this is reduced by 2/3 then your income is high enough to cover some of the living expenses.

That said, I would expect your daughter to research fully all options in both single and double 'occupancy' - halls, shared house/staying with you. A self-contained flat would not be something I would be considering (nor funding, or being a guarantor on) as her relationship is likely to either wobble or prevent her indulging in the social aspect that we all can admit is one of the best bits about uni.

House rules for the boyfriend, it's your home. Full market rent at least.

copperoliver · 02/08/2020 13:26

It's your choice, if it were me I would if it meant a more peaceful life for myself and to get my home back. X

Charleyhorses · 02/08/2020 14:47

Nope. Dd went to uni in London. Every penny of her loan paid the rent. We paid the shortfall and modest spends. She got a job.

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