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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To contact colleagues made redundant

32 replies

mamma456 · 01/08/2020 02:33

I know I probably am. We weren't really friends, but we got on really well, went out to lunch together and so on, and as someone in a new country they were the only friends I had and felt a bit like family. My line manger especially was very supportive when we had some medical issues with DS - gave me so much flexibility and time off without making me take official leave, checked in often with how I was doing until she left. I want to ask how she is and show support. But I thought she might not want to hear from me until she had some news about finding work. At least that's how I'd feel but maybe I'm wrong and I've left it too late (3 months). She told me at the time she didn't want to tell her parents about being let go until she found another job. I'm hoping that a lagging issue with work will be a good excuse to send a message next week and ask how she is.

OP posts:
Blink1982 · 01/08/2020 02:40

Just go ahead and message her :)

Original poster
mamma456 · 01/08/2020 02:47

Haha thanks. I'm overthinking this aren't I. If she doesn't want to hear from me I'm sure it'll be clear enough.

OP posts:
Mintjulia · 01/08/2020 02:50

Being redundant is lonely and bad for the confidence.

For me, receiving an email saying hi, I hope all is well and you are getting sorted, would always be welcome.

Flowers009 · 01/08/2020 02:52

I would like a message or to keep in contact with a colleague I bonded with

RyanBergarasTeeth · 01/08/2020 02:57

Do it op. Im on furlough and as of today the only staff member still not allowed back and its looking unlikely i will have a job, the thing thats most upsetting is none of my colleagues have contacted me in 3 months. Bet she would love to hear from you.

Norma27 · 01/08/2020 05:52

When I was made redundant in the last recession I would have loved my colleagues to message me. They were told they were not allowed to though!
We were a close team of 4, but all worked from home in different parts of the country, and one messaged me 2 months later when one of the others was told his cancer was terminal. The person dying then phoned me too to tell me. 4 months after I left he died and I did go to the funeral with my colleagues, including the dick boss who had told them not to contact me previously.

Thinkingg · 01/08/2020 05:57

Of course you should message. I'd hate to lose friends at the same time as losing my job. Sounds like you will be sensitive about it :)

Fatted · 01/08/2020 06:03

Contact them.

I wasn't made redundant, but I was redeployed into another department after my role was removed. Twice. That is soul destroying enough. I can't imagine how much harder it is to be made redundant. I kept in touch with some colleagues, but lost contact with others and it did hurt.

Redraptor · 01/08/2020 06:22

Please do. I got made redundant in june, two colleagues messaged to support me but I didnt hear from anyone else including my manager and it made me feel really down and while I knew I'd done a good job and the redundancy wasnt my fault I felt like maybe I'd been living a lie and no one really liked me . Last week my manager did call and I feel so much better about the whole thing after hearing from her.

Iloveyoutothefridgeandback · 01/08/2020 06:41

I'd go for it. If she really isn't keen then she doesn't have to reply to the message

Marnie76 · 01/08/2020 06:52

When you say there’s a lagging issue at work, are you asking her for help with this? If you are going to contact her I wouldn’t mention anything about work or she’ll think that’s the only reason you’ve phoned her after all this time.

Marnie76 · 01/08/2020 06:52

Sorry if I’ve misunderstood this

Original poster
mamma456 · 01/08/2020 07:03

It's more like I know she's going to do one final thing for work, and I was planning to message her after to thank her, and also to ask how she is. I guess I feel a bit awkward because we never socialised together outside of work stuff and we mainly talked about our kids. But I do want to know if she's ok.

OP posts:
felixowl · 01/08/2020 07:50

IMO It is one of those issues where doing something and it being 'wrong' is better than doing nothing and having regrets.
Reading this has just helped me to decide to contact someone who has just 'shut down'. I have been dithering last few days!
She has a lie in on Saturday so about 11.00 I send a txt.

Meangallery · 01/08/2020 07:52

Contact her!

AntiHop · 01/08/2020 07:53

I'm sure she'd love to hear from you.

ShesMadeATwatOfMePam · 01/08/2020 07:56

Do it. One of my friends was made redundant and we were told not to contact him. Fuck that, he's a good friend so i texted him to ask how he was and he was very grateful for the contact.

SummerInSun · 01/08/2020 08:02

OP, if you were talking to each other about your kids regularly then your relationship wasn't just a colleague to colleague one - I would say you were friends. Workplace friendships are still friendships even if you don't seen each other out of work. And I wouldn't wait until she has done her last piece of work - that won't convey to her that you are thinking about her as a person and not just a former colleague. Message her this weekend.

BertieBassettsBits · 01/08/2020 08:07

@ShesMadeATwatOfMePam

Do it. One of my friends was made redundant and we were told not to contact him. Fuck that, he's a good friend so i texted him to ask how he was and he was very grateful for the contact.
Good on you, I would have done the same
RandomStupidName · 01/08/2020 08:15

Why are you not supposed to contact someone made redundant? What a way to treat people and what a message to send to your remaining staff. You work here 36+ hours a week, 48 weeks a year but if we let you go, we’ll also stop you being friends with people. Jesus!

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 01/08/2020 08:24

No, do it. When you've left somewhere, particularly suddenly, and never hear again from anyone that feels quite lonely (from experience). I would rather have had some contact. Makes people feel more valued IME.

2020wasShocking · 01/08/2020 08:41

It’s a nice thing to do OP so don’t feel worried about it. Just do it. I think you’re overthinking it!

MotorwayDiva · 01/08/2020 09:03

Definately message, I was made redundant fifteen years ago and no one contacted me to check if OK. Never forgotten it and it knocked my confidence in making work friends for a good few years afterwards

michelle1504 · 01/08/2020 09:14

I'd send a quick text asking how she is. Or even just to let her know that you're thinking of her.

Hopoindown31 · 01/08/2020 09:18

I was genuinely pleased to receive messages from colleagues when I got made redundant. I think many people would appreciate it.

However, just do it sensitively and if you don't get a response, just leave it. Redundancy is a lonely and frustrating time and I know that there were periods where I was angry and didn't really want to be reminded of my former workplace at all.