Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No Swimming Pool After 8pm - AIBU?

213 replies

Varala · 31/07/2020 18:28

We had a swimming pool built (outdoor) last spring which has been great fun for DD and DH (I’m not much of a swimmer), especially during lockdown.

We do have a large garden, but it is bordered by three other nearby houses. Two just by the garden, but one of the houses is up against one of the far walls of the garden, by the pool.

Earlier today, a note was found shoved under DH’s windscreen wiper (not sure what’s wrong with the letter box, but hey ho). It is signed “your neighbours” and requests that we not use the pool after 8pm as they are being disturbed by shouting and splashing.

Very rarely is the pool in use that late in the evening anyway, but on the rare occasion it is, there is certainly not any shouting (though a bit of splashing can’t be helped). Are the neighbours just jealous that we have a pool? I’m fuming and ready to go round each of the neighbours individually to discuss, but DH has told me to drop it and they’ll let it go. AIBU to think it’s nobody else’s business what we do with our pool?

OP posts:
uniglowooljumper · 31/07/2020 20:26

@Yankathebear

Surely the only reasonable reaction would be to try to find out who it is and to apologise? I would be quite upset if I thought that my behaviour was upsetting those around me and would be trying to make amends.

I’m guessing they didn’t include your free gift of manners with your pool?

Surely it's passive aggressive to stick a shirty note under someone's windscreen complaining about noise in the early evening rather than kowtowing to oversensitive PA people. Guessing their note didn't include a free gift of minding their own business.
ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords · 31/07/2020 20:26

I think it's the proximity of the pool to the neighbour's house that pisses them off - it is not as if the pool is over a wall at the far end of the neighbour's garden, their house is just the other side of the wall and there wasn't a pool there when they moved in. 5m really is no distance at all - I could be sitting 5m away from someone in my sitting room and chatting to them without it seeming far.
As others have said, how far is it from your house, and can you hear people in it when you are inside?

Shopkinsdoll · 31/07/2020 20:27

Awww I want a pool. I’m so jealous lol. But I’m in Scotland so I wouldn’t get much use of it as weather isn’t great. I would need to get a roof. Now I’m dreaming lol lol

Divebar · 31/07/2020 20:28

5 metres is not far is it? I don’t have anyone with a pool near me but we do have houses with kids either side and although I don’t mind normal playing noises there is barely a minute in the day when there is not some noise going on. Not just them but the relentless sound of lawn mowers and strimmers and jet hoses. And along my street there have been various houses having construction work of some kind or another for the last 2 years so concrete mixers and drilling on top of that from 08.00am. So although you think it’s just a bit of splashing for them it might be the end of a long day of relentless noise and maybe they just want to enjoy their garden for a short while.

Manolin · 31/07/2020 20:28

The worst bit is it’s just relentless all year round. It’s not the summer months when kids are off school and the evenings are long and bounteous for them so they can just take six weeks to let off some stream. It’s much worse than that it’s the constant repetitive screaming and shouting into Autumn, Winter and New Year. All that splashing and crashing of winter ice 365 days a year it’s just not good for kids, they should restrict their activity to the summer months only. May to a September and stop being unreasonable @Varala

Whathewhatnow · 31/07/2020 20:29

But that is the thing @SantaClaritaDiet. You would potentially be my nightmare neighbours! I couldn't bear you being so fucking considerate all the time.
I have this awful feeling you might be silently policing what I was doing.
That would drive me utterly insane. My best neighbours have been complicated, flawed, fab human beings, where we just you know, tell each other what we are thinking. We make allowances. That to me is how neighbour relations thrive.

I recognise not everyone shares my view. Different strokes and all that.

QueenCT · 31/07/2020 20:30

Splashing wouldn't bother me and quiet talking etc so actual swimming or lounging about

Screaming/shrieking - I've been WFH today boiling with the windows shut because it's fine for kids to scream and shout from 9am - 6pm and as I'm on the phone all day, customers don't like the noise hence the windows shut. By mid afternoon I had a banging headache and was ready to launch something at them Blush

OhTheRoses · 31/07/2020 20:31

Hmm. Our neighbours wouldn't hear as we all have at least half an acre. TBF your pool does sound a bit close for comfort.

We have four gites at our house in France. Pool times are 8am to 8pm and the cover goes on at 8pm. otherwise we are disturbed and so are others

What sort of pool is it?

Yankathebear · 31/07/2020 20:31

@uniglowooljumper I completely agree about the way that the note was given but wouldn’t you want to know who you had upset and how you had upset them rather than getting cross and deciding that they are jealous?

DeathOrGlory · 31/07/2020 20:34

The sound of kids playing, whether in a pool or not, is a totally expected and accepted part of living in close proximity to other people. If you can't bear it, it's on you to move somewhere further removed, not on others to be quiet. As a society we have established times that it is no longer acceptable, but 8pm is not it. So I would just ignore. Especially as whoever it was couldn't even talk about it to your face, so there's not much else you can do really anyway.

CourtneyLurve · 31/07/2020 20:35

@SantaClaritaDiet

You can easily see who are the nightmare neighbours from these threads, gosh I am grateful I live surrounded by civilised people.

In the real world, no one is happy to hear noisy kids at 5 am or in the evening, unless the ones with loud music or tv covering the racket!

Exactly this. No wonder people are fleeing for the country.
JanewaysBun · 31/07/2020 20:36

I think yabu solely because you built your pool close to their house but far from yours ....

I think pools are 150k from what I've heard. I want one so much!

Ps @santaclaritadiet I agree with everything you say (pretty much on every thread I see you in!)

thisgirlrides · 31/07/2020 20:37

I was all for saying kids will be kids and 8pm isn't unreasonable until I saw it was 5 metres from their house Shock. Poor fuckers. What on earth possessed you to put a pool in a garden that clearly isn't big enough for a pool!?

SantaClaritaDiet · 31/07/2020 20:37

@Whathewhatnow

But that is the thing *@SantaClaritaDiet*. You would potentially be my nightmare neighbours! I couldn't bear you being so fucking considerate all the time. I have this awful feeling you might be silently policing what I was doing. That would drive me utterly insane. My best neighbours have been complicated, flawed, fab human beings, where we just you know, tell each other what we are thinking. We make allowances. That to me is how neighbour relations thrive.

I recognise not everyone shares my view. Different strokes and all that.

Confused

Do you really need to be TOLD your children shouldn't be screaming in the garden at 5am - or "splashing" Hmm in the evening?

Or do you mean you actually enjoy being inconsiderate and make too much noise and you need neighbours who are happy about it?

We have good relationships with our neighbours because we all have basic manners and don't need to come and knock and tell them to pipe down. It's pretty obvious what is considerate or not.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/07/2020 20:38

If you can't bear it, it's on you to move somewhere further removed

Except OP chose to put a pool right next to them.

DeathOrGlory · 31/07/2020 20:38

In the real world, no one is happy to hear noisy kids at 5 am

I can't find the post where anyone said they would be happy with this?

Aesopfable · 31/07/2020 20:39

@mornington222

Advise them that if they had come and had a (socially distant) chat with you, then you would have agreed to their request, but won't because they are unable to have a normal conversation. Unless they have a reason such as no hearing or a disability that prevents them speaking.
That is very unreasonably. They had no idea how the OP would react so felt safer with a note. This response would just confirm they did the right thing to avoid confrontation.
DeathOrGlory · 31/07/2020 20:40

Except OP chose to put a pool right next to them

So? Like I said, whether there's a pool there or not is irrelevant. If the kids were at the bottom of the garden noisily playing ball games, the answer would be the same. It's 8pm. If you live in close proximity to other people, you have no justification for complaining about the sound of kids playing at 8pm.

SantaClaritaDiet · 31/07/2020 20:41

JanewaysBun

Wink thank you!
Cocklepops · 31/07/2020 20:41

Send a nice message to all three neighbours, including a copy of the one you received pointing out that one wasn’t signed and that you’ve had to send it to all three so as not to single anyone out and potentially cause offence.
Let them know you’re perfectly happy to stop any swimming in the pool from 8pm onwards, as the nightly summer evening discos will be starting at 8.15 from this weekend Halo

DeathOrGlory · 31/07/2020 20:41

They had no idea how the OP would react so felt safer with a note

A note was obviously a bad idea though. Leaves the recipient in a position where their only choice is to unquestioningly comply with an unusual request or ignore their neighbour's concerns. No chance to actually discuss or compromise.

tankflybos · 31/07/2020 20:42

I'm jealous so can you please remain indoors from 1800 hours. Thanks 😊

Eeeeeeeok · 31/07/2020 20:43

Yabu to suggest it's because they're jealous, makes you sound like a massive snob. Yanbu to say it's no one's buisness what you do with your pool. If it's effecting your neighbours then it is their buisness. If someone was having a loud party in their garden at 2am would you be happy with them saying its my garden I can do what I want? Probably not. So the same does not apply to your pool.

Whathewhatnow · 31/07/2020 20:43

@CourtneyLurve are you actually joking, or what? Have you ever lived in the country? It is seriously, disrupitvely, noisy. A cockerel 22 minutes after dawn is the best alarm clock you will ever have.
The septic tank pump-out guy/oil delivery/animal feed/ silage/ abattoir guy coming at 7am is such a rare treat!

I've done both. I bloody love zone 5. So peaceful.

Eeeeeeeok · 31/07/2020 20:45

Sorry yanbu should be Yabu