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AIBU?

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Original poster

do I need to make it clear who is attending

46 replies

questioningquestions · 31/07/2020 12:19

I get quite anxious about social contact with people (especially phone calls, messages etc) so am probably over worrying about this.

Am due to attend a celebration for family friend shortly. Arrangements have all been made by their children - originally when first arranged back in April/May it was going to be a get together in the park but for comfort (and because places have now reopened) it's been changed to a nice pub that does food and has a big garden. all fine.

I'm going with my partner, we've been together several years but don't live together - everyone else going is married or completely single. I mentioned it to a colleague today who said 'they do know you're taking your partner don't they, you need to tell them as it might affect numbers.

which then started me worrying. should i have made it clear we're both going or will it be assumed? should I tell the organiser or just turn up, or is that going to cause a problem? Or do I look odd if I contact them now?

Am in a proper tizz so please advise!

OP posts:
RemyHadley · 31/07/2020 12:20

I’d contact them to ask if it’s ok for your partner to come, I wouldn’t assume he was invited.

Jemma2907 · 31/07/2020 12:22

I'd just message and say 'not sure if I mentioned it but DP will be coming along with me, looking forward to seeing you all' Thay way they are clear on numbers and have time to add one if needed.

CastleCrasher · 31/07/2020 12:22

Assuming you were both invited, youre fine, but to help stop you worrying, just send a text to say something like "X and I are really looking forward to seeing you on Friday, it's been ages since we've had a chance to catch up!"

PurpleDaisies · 31/07/2020 12:23

How many people are likely to be there?

Emeraldshamrock · 31/07/2020 12:24

I'd send a quick text to ease your mind.

Leaannb · 31/07/2020 12:25

Was your partner invited by the hosts? If not don't bring him

Original poster
questioningquestions · 31/07/2020 12:28

it's been set up on social media so no actual invites, I and others were just tagged in it. I wasn't sure whether I was going with partner or one of my (adult) children, obviously when it was in a park it was more of a all turn up situation (everyone was going to bring their own picnics etc). since then confirmed partner can attend, children not too bothered about it. I thought they'd assume I'd come with one of the kids or partner, but now I realise that may not be the case.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 31/07/2020 12:30

It sounds like it was always going to breach the social distancing guidelines. Six people from different households (assuming England).

Original poster
questioningquestions · 31/07/2020 12:31

I know of roughly 20 who were invited; not sure how many are attending (or how many others not on social media were invited too and are going) but there's at least 10-12 immediate family who will definitely be there.

OP posts:
VimFuego101 · 31/07/2020 12:31

Are the married attendees bringing partners?

PurpleDaisies · 31/07/2020 12:32

but there's at least 10-12 immediate family who will definitely be there.

Ffs.

This is why the north of England is locked down again.

Six people. That’s the maximum. Do the right thing and don’t go at all.

User87471643901065319 · 31/07/2020 12:36

Current guidelines are that:
"Two households can also meet indoors – including in a pub or restaurant – but should not touch each other."

How many households are involved because there are already two with you and your partner without including those who invited you?
Here are the current rules:

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8578235/Confused-Britains-lockdown-rules-Heres-now.html

Original poster
questioningquestions · 31/07/2020 12:36

Those family members are only 2 households though if that makes a difference.

Plus we'll only be sitting having a meal; from what I've seen of people generally having massive house parties and BBQs we will be a lot more socially distanced than them.

Sorry, I wasn't intending to start a debate about social gatherings.

OP posts:
Original poster
questioningquestions · 31/07/2020 12:37

We are very much not huggy people. No risk of us touching anyone else.

OP posts:
GrannyBags · 31/07/2020 12:42

Roughly 20 were invited but they are only from two households?

Original poster
questioningquestions · 31/07/2020 12:45

no, the 10-12 people who are immediate family (some of whom are included in that 20) are from 2 households.

OP posts:
stoploss · 31/07/2020 12:53

Don't go, 20 is too many people at the moment.

Lindtballsrock · 31/07/2020 12:59

Why would you go? Have you seen the news lately??

Original poster
questioningquestions · 31/07/2020 13:08

20 were invited, I only know for certain 10 are going, plus DP and I.

why would I go, because I'll be in a pub garden, I don't consider the risk is any greater than going shopping, or sitting in a park. I've not seen a single person I know other than my partner and children since March.

I've just read another thread where someone is going to a party today with more people, no one is berating her for that, but a pub celebration is somehow more wrong, why is that?

I did only ask how to approach the host, not whether I should even be going.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 31/07/2020 13:24

no, the 10-12 people who are immediate family (some of whom are included in that 20) are from 2 households.
So three households including you? That’s too many.

On the party threads I’ve seen, plenty of posters have pointed out what the guidelines are.

People should not be risk assessing this sort of situation themselves. They should be following the guidelines. Six people or two households.

Original poster
questioningquestions · 31/07/2020 13:28

and literally no one is adhering to that at all. Certainly not locally to me - we have quite low numbers of cases here and people are round each others houses constantly, kids playing together in the street, you name it.

I do think going out for a meal where I will be socially distanced by being sat at a table is a lot lower risk than going to any kind of house party, drinks or whatever.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 31/07/2020 13:29

and literally no one is adhering to that at all.

So you are happy to just be selfish too?

Original poster
questioningquestions · 31/07/2020 13:34

Like I said, for 4 months I haven't seen a single person outside my household. Not face to face, not on zoom, nothing.

A one off meeting where effectively I am going out for a meal but there will be 10 or so other people in the same venue that I know (but will be socially distanced from) exposes me and others to a tiny amount of risk. I work from home, I go to shops infrequently. I have completely observed all the rules and more. I'm not holding a party, I'm not mixing households in a non socially distanced way. I am comfortable that attending is safe and reasonable.

OP posts:
PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 31/07/2020 13:35

Unless it's a wedding reception — then you're allowed 30 from tomorrow.

strawberrie · 31/07/2020 13:40

@PolkadotsAndMoonbeams

Unless it's a wedding reception — then you're allowed 30 from tomorrow.
Not any more, sadly! That's been pushed back two weeks. Gutted for those whose plans have had to change at such short notice.