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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell my stepkids' mum this isnt acceptable?

83 replies

Carrie90 · 31/07/2020 08:41

I have two step kids (11 & 8) who come to stay on the weekends. We have been having them over as long as my DH and I have lived together so 5 years, and in that time I've noticed a huge change in them. Their mum seems to let them stay on technology most of everyday and they have started speaking and acting like youtubers. They often talk to me as if they are talking to a camera and say a lot of American phrases in place of things they used to say. I believe they do go on walks most days but while they are in the house its technology for hours and hours each day. We have actual tears and tantrums here when we tell the kids to do something else for a few hours.
My question is, should I ask my partner to say something about this to their mum? Or is this considered normal amd im just being an old square? I like their mum, my partner has a good enough relationship with her too.

OP posts:

mrsBtheparker · 31/07/2020 10:01

Of course they've changed, children tend to as they grow up!

I am reminded of the numder of parents of Year 7 pupils who blamed the new HIgh School for the change in their child's personality, they were surprised to be told that the move to High School co-incides with puberty.

foamrolling · 31/07/2020 10:05

That sounds tough op. You've been stitched up a bit there tbh.

ExtremelyBoldSquirrels · 31/07/2020 10:07

As far as I can tell all 11 year old boys talk like youtubers. Going by all the kids DS knows (and him). I find it hilarious; they sound ridiculous. I’m sure he won’t be doing it at 40 (and if he is, then that’ll just be how 40 year olds talk in 30 years time).

It’s a bit like how 4 and 5 year olds often put on American accents in fantasy play because they’re copying what they’ve heard in a film or on tv.

Northernlass8855 · 31/07/2020 10:12

I would only say something of the relationship between you, DH and the mum is very, very strong, you have some suggestions about how you could work together to reduce kids’ screen time and you’re willing to offer to do more to help their mum if needs be.

If the relationship isn’t extremely strong (and you don’t suspect any safeguarding issues) I would stay out of it. It could easily be perceived that you’re initiating conflict. This sounds harsh but it isn’t really your problem to deal with at the end of the day - it’s their mums. It’s frustrating as it impacts you, but the buck stops with your DH and their mum not you.

I would speak to DH only and if he thinks it’s an issue, try to figure out how to reduce their screen time during the time they’re at your place. This way at least you know you and DH have tried your best to address the issue.

netflixismysidehustle · 31/07/2020 10:15

www.standard.co.uk/news/world/us-parents-reveal-their-children-are-speaking-in-british-accents-because-of-peppa-pig-a4064331.html

Kids like copying their idols if it makes you feel better?

Burnthurst187 · 31/07/2020 10:20

I've been told that my Niece speaks with an American twang due to playing a certain game, not heard it myself but it's quite bizarre

Hopefully she won't start wearing a cap backwards and start saying sup y'all

OneForMeToo · 31/07/2020 10:26

My youngest talks like that trinity and what’s her face on YouTube sometimes. Diapers and candy and what not. They are children the technology is their thing.

Watching YouTube for four hours is no different to letting them watch tv for four hours, reading on a kindle is no different to reading an actual book. Frankly this year has been shit for everyone especially children so if watching Epic unboxing and family fun pack and whatnot give them some extra joy why not. Beats the hell out of being forced to watch eastenders and emmerdale as a kids for me lol.

Gaylordfockr · 31/07/2020 10:27

My kids are 8 and 10 and we restrict gaming/screen time to 10 hrs a week and they aren’t allowed on YouTube at all. They don’t have phones and the iPad they use is the family iPad.
Kids need balance, and amuse themselves in all sorts of ways when not on screens and if we have bad behaviour the screw time is the first thing to go.
If it’s affecting their behaviour get your DH to speak to them. If he won’t then I’d suggest doing as much none-screen time activity for them at yours as you can.

Gaylordfockr · 31/07/2020 10:30

None of my kids friends talk like Youtubers, it’s not normal
Unless you give them unsupervised access to YouTube.

Mittens030869 · 31/07/2020 10:34

I'm sick of you-tube videos, too, my 2 DDs are obsessed with them. It's become like this because I've been suffering with long-term COVID symptoms and my DH has been WFH. As far as I'm concerned, school can't start again soon enough.

I see the difficulty you face, though. My DSis was the main carer for her DSS for a number of years and at first she had no say in how to bring him up. But that didn't work once she had her own DC. His mum came onside and the adults involved were able to work together. My DSis did then have a say, though she didn't get involved with school or major decisions.

It isn't different though to when children used to be glued to the TV, we used to be told that we were developing 'square eyes'. Just to give some perspective.

Toilenstripes · 31/07/2020 10:37

I love how many of you get annoyed by Americanisms. Especially the one who described it as a “pain in the neck” as that’s the quintessential Americanism. 😆

Rosebel · 31/07/2020 10:48

Like others have said there's nothing else to do. I'm so glad my youngest daughter's football starts again next week just to get her out of the house.
We go for walks and have been to the park once but really there's only so long or so many times you can go for a walk.
My children were out for 2 hours yesterday and saw their cousins so less screen time than usual but most other days I've left them to it.
In September we'll be back to 2 hours maximum of screen time. I wouldn't interfere with mum's choices, if your partner is worried he can bring it up but at the moment I would leave it.
My eldest who is 14 went through the American stage and saying # about everything but she says these things less now so your stepchildren will probably outgrow it too. I must admit it was the # that drove me insane.
Obviously at your house, it's your rules though.

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/07/2020 10:57

You say she lets your dh have the children at the weekend and dictates a lot to you. I wouldn’t do anything to antagonise her. Your dh could suggest having the dcs more to help her out. It sounds really unfair that you get to do all the childcare and he never seems to see them. Does he not want to push / fight to see them more?

ExtremelyBoldSquirrels · 31/07/2020 11:04

@Toilenstripes

I love how many of you get annoyed by Americanisms. Especially the one who described it as a “pain in the neck” as that’s the quintessential Americanism. 😆

DS’s youtube-ese isn’t just american influenced. There’s a lot of what sounds like London slang in there too. It’s the vaguely ridiculous tone of it I find amusing really.

I’m sure our parents were despairing of our speech patterns too. Just over different things.

RhodaCamel · 31/07/2020 11:11

It’s totally normal. Not so much with my 15 yr old ds but 12 year old dd always speaks like this. Since lockdown her and her friends are also obsessed with Tik Tok and she walks around doing those silly Tik Tok dance moves, looks hilarious without the music. Doesn’t worry me as they are just stages.

TheStuffedPenguin · 31/07/2020 11:29

@Carrie90

Thank you all for the perspectives! I am alone with the kids all weekend most weekends because DH is currently trying at work to get weekends off or find a job with weekends off (he's a chef so its proving difficult) the kids mum let's us have them weekends as that is when she works and likes to go out in the evenings, plus to to keep them in the habit of only seeing us weekends for when they go back to school. We take a lot of pointers from her right down to where she wants their school clothes bought etc so I wasn't sure if I could maybe gently bring it up with DH to see if he'd want to discuss it with her (had no intention of saying to her myself) I have a 12 year old who is obsessed with books and seeing friends, plus drama club etc so I wasn't really sure of how normal it is to be on screens a lot, I did think maybe I was just being a bit old fashioned and not with the times. Now feeling a bit guilty as I wasn't meaning to be judgy

What are his thoughts on this ?

Branleuse · 31/07/2020 11:47

Id be more annoyed with the fact id become unpaid nanny while both their parents a

lookatallthosechickens · 31/07/2020 12:20

So are they actually being unpleasant or rude or do you just not like that they sound American?

OscarWildesCat · 31/07/2020 12:39

My kids do this, yes they’ve probably spent too much time on YouTube but there has been a pandemic and a lock down so they’ve been online more often than normal, I’d stay out of it....

jimmyjammy001 · 31/07/2020 12:41

Unfortunately they are not your kids so you do not get a say in how they are brought up, that is between their mum and dad, they are part of the package that your other half comes with I'm afraid, you can voice an opinion to your other half, but will just have to live with it I'm afraid if he does not want to do anything.

Devlesko · 31/07/2020 13:11

It's none of your business really, it's up to their dad to notice and do something if he feels he ought to.

Devlesko · 31/07/2020 13:13

Gosh, yes ditto to being the unpaid nanny.
Was he ever a parent to them? Can their mum not pay a sitter to go out

dontdisturbmenow · 31/07/2020 13:16

Its ok OP understandable if your own child isn't like that. I think they might be more in the minority though nowadays.

TeamLannister · 31/07/2020 14:58

Keep your snout out!!

Delaberge · 31/07/2020 15:36

Another one who thinks its fairly normal and to stay out of it.

How do you tubers speak?

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