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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having an opinion on my partners business

41 replies

zoezoeok89 · 31/07/2020 07:42

I’ve just been called a bully by my partner for nagging him to enforce further rules at his tattoo shop. He has already refused a couple I wanted to implement such as limiting staff working on a daily basis. He insists they don’t need to as there is enough room to social distance. We have a 5 month old baby and I’m a first time mum. We had my high risk dad stranded with us since the beginning of lock down so I’m very used to practically shielding. I’m still scared. I’m one of the paranoid ones.

We aren’t in a very hard hit area and I’ve asked my partner to enforce rules stating people cannot travel from hard hit areas or areas of lock down to come for a tattoo. He has just stormed upstairs calling me a bully and mocking me saying “yeah right so if I don’t do this when we are definitely going to catch coronavirus and die”

I’m at my wits ends with this. He’s only just been allowed to reopen the shop and they’ve got other precautions in place but he doesn’t seem to think this is any of my business and gets really angry when I bring it up. I’ve said if he’d actually implement the changes and reassure me then he wouldn’t have to hear it anymore. I am scared for us all and my baby. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Lockheart · 31/07/2020 08:07

YABU. It's his business, I'm sure he knows best how to run it safely.

Original poster
zoezoeok89 · 31/07/2020 08:14

Neither of us have been through a pandemic before, how does he know any more than I do?

OP posts:
EatsShootsAndRuns · 31/07/2020 08:37

Neither of us have been through a pandemic before, how does he know any more than I do?

How do you know any more than he does?

Tappering · 31/07/2020 08:43

Think about this practically - how do you actually enforce people not coming from other areas? What's your definition of 'hard hit'? Somewhere that has enhanced measures or a local lockdown - or are you going to review the BBC news stories based on someone's location and see how you feel?!

Likewise, how are you going to find out where someone's come from? It's unreasonable to ask for home addresses for a tattoo appointment, and people could easily lie anyway.

Better to enforce hygiene measures, which as a good tattooist your H should be doing anyway.

dontdisturbmenow · 31/07/2020 08:44

Insist on him taking a shower when he gets home and washes his clothes, fine but to tell him how to run his business, yep that makes you a bully.

Shoxfordian · 31/07/2020 08:49

Yabu
As long as he's following safety guidance then it'll probably be fine

lucindaaa · 31/07/2020 08:52

Sorry OP, YABU. He's an adult and can implement things for his own business by himself. He doesn't need your input when you don't know anymore than he does. You do sounds abit like a bully

akittyisyou · 31/07/2020 09:05

Your DH has to walk a fine line; if he's allowing less people to work, that's cutting the amount of money they're able to make. They may leave or look to double job. If he's turning down customers, that's not just hurting his immediate business - it's hurting his long term business as repeat customers don't come back.

You're looking at the right now, he's looking at the future of the business he built.

If everyone is being safe - socially distancing, masking up, using sanitiser - theoretically they should be alright. OP, I understand you're coming from a place of fear. As you said yourself, you're "one of the paranoid ones" and it's easy to be frustrated, snappy and "bullying" when you feel you're looking out for your family, especially when you don't think your OH is.

This does seem to be a fair hill for him to die on though.

TitianaTitsling · 31/07/2020 09:08

Is your dad still with you? How would you have felt if he'd said no he can't stay here as he's not our household? (Obviously I'm sure he wouldn't have that would be awful!)

User87471643901065319 · 31/07/2020 09:19

I’ve just been called a bully by my partner for nagging him to enforce further rules at his tattoo shop.

  1. If he has implemented social distancing correctly then what is the problem?
  1. Limiting staff working on a daily basis is not a Govt rule. You have to ensure staff socially-distance and have taken other measures such as regular and frequent cleaning to mitigate transmission.
  1. How on earth do you think you can police where customers come from? You could walk past someone in the street who has travelled from a hard hit area.

Who decides on those areas - you or your partner? Do you mean people from the newly-announced restricted areas? They are still allowed to go to shops the same as the rest of us. There isn't a Govt rule that they cannot travel out of the area.

  1. Aren't the customers in the tattoo parlour wearing masks?

I’ve said if he’d actually implement the changes and reassure me then he wouldn’t have to hear it anymore.
So as long as your partner does what you want him to do then you'll stop nagging. That does sound very controlling. I could understand if he was failing to take measures but he is, isn't he?

You would have done better to have sat down and calmly discussed your fears rather than making demands of him. I would stfu now as further conversation about this is just going to end up in angry words. You say you are paranoid but it isn't fair to expect your partner to capitulate purely based on that. You need to find a way of coping with your anxiety.

Original poster
zoezoeok89 · 31/07/2020 10:15

I don’t, but surely as we share a living space and a child, it then comes down to compromise and what will make us both happy.

OP posts:
thepointoforder · 31/07/2020 10:16

YABU - unless you want his business to fail?

Sounds harsh, but tattoo studios (in normal times) have to adhere to the most stringent hygiene and sterilisation rules just to be able to operate in the UK. As such, most are well equipped to operate under social distancing guidelines.

Another thing I would say, it takes a lot to build up a tattoo business, and his staff will have not been working for months and will likely be desperate to work.
If he enforces a rotation, which reduces their income, they will leave and find work elsewhere.

Regarding restricting customers - repeat custom is the backbone of a successful tattoo business. Again, customers will take it elsewhere (and potentially a leaving artist will take their customers with them).

I agree with a PP - he is likely thinking longterm. We are looking at a post COVID-19 recession. Tattoos are a luxury purchase and he may see a drop in custom when people are effected by job losses or reduced income. He will need a strong and resillient business to withstand that. And what, for your family, is the alternative if his business fails?

Original poster
zoezoeok89 · 31/07/2020 10:19

Thanks all for the input. I’m surprised by the outcome but it has been a bit of an eye opener for sure.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 31/07/2020 10:36

I don’t, but surely as we share a living space and a child, it then comes down to compromise and what will make us both happy.

Being able to afford to live will probably make you both happy. He’s following all government guidelines and trying to ensure his business survives. Leave the guy alone.

wineandroses1 · 31/07/2020 10:40

Why are posters calling the Op a bully?? She isn't a bully (her DH is calling her that to shut her up), she is worried and frightened. I don't necessarily agree with her points, but no need to be spiteful to someone asking for advice.

HappytheElf · 31/07/2020 10:42

YANBU to want to keep your family healthy. I don’t think his reaction is reasonable, you are a partnership and should be able to discuss such things without a tantrum. Are you able to move in with your dad?

ConstanceSalinger · 31/07/2020 10:43

I don’t, but surely as we share a living space and a child, it then comes down to compromise and what will make us both happy

What have you compromised on so far?

Nicknacky · 31/07/2020 10:46

I would probably be happier in a tattoo lounge than many other places. Their hygiene is generally spot on prior to this virus.

Be honest, how often are you bringing the subject up?

My h has his own business, we have talked once about what measures he was putting in place and I haven’t asked since.

HappytheElf · 31/07/2020 10:53

Yes little lady, don’t keep nagging the big boss man, he knows best 🙄🤮

Nicknacky · 31/07/2020 10:55

HappytheElf So if you had your own business you would be happy for your partner to tell you how to run it? I doubt it.

TeaStory · 31/07/2020 10:56

YABU. As a tattooist he will have done a lot of courses on hygiene, pathogens, infection control etc yet you are acting like you know more than he does and have the right to tell him what to do. I can see why he is irritated.

pinkyredrose · 31/07/2020 10:57

Tbh most tattoo artists are already very well versed in PPE. I'm sure he knows what he's doing.

Gazelda · 31/07/2020 10:58

@HappytheElf

Yes little lady, don’t keep nagging the big boss man, he knows best 🙄🤮
Giving that he owns and runs the business and OP is not involved with it as a partner or employee, I think it's reasonable of OP's DP to tell her he knows best after she's raised her opinion on more than one occasion and seems to be insisting he implements her measures. It's nothing to do with 'little lady' and 'big boss man'.
user1471457751 · 31/07/2020 11:11

You mention compromise but what have you comprised on? It seems to be all about what you want. Did your husband want to have your dad staying for several months?

Original poster
zoezoeok89 · 31/07/2020 14:23

Of course my boyfriend is well educated regarding PPE, cross contamination etc but my concerns are not surrounding that. The virus is airborne so I’m worried about there being several tattooists and several customers in one space for long periods of time, 5 days a week. They will definitely do their best but there’s only so much you can do.

The business could open without him but he wants to go back too.

To those asking how he felt about my dad, there was no choice. He’s 76 and was visiting from abroad due to my baby’s birth. His home country implemented ridiculous measures meaning it was almost impossible for him to get home so he had to stay with us.

OP posts: