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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say NO to DS going on sleepovers?

38 replies

NoFunMom · 30/07/2020 13:24

Or give him the option of living in the garage for the foreseeable which probably won’t happen in practice?

He’s 18 and while I know he isn’t socially distancing with his mates as well as he should (not that I would try to stop him hanging out) but I think a sleepover with 4+ other mates from other households is taking the piss a bit?

He went on one a few weeks ago on the proviso that he took our tent and slept in the garden (it was a garden ‘gathering’) but he ended up sleeping with the rest of them indoors as it started raining.

I told him he’s not going on the one planned for tonight (I think it’s an excuse to shag his NEW girlfriend which will lead to other potential issues possibly as he has no cash for condoms) as virus cases are increasing and were in a pandemic. I don’t want him putting the rest of our family at riskAngry.

He thinks I’m totally unreasonable and over reacting of course.

Am I?

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 30/07/2020 13:30

Erm...he's 18! He's an adult. You can't say no...if he wants to live by his own rules though, then maybe he should move out.

Give him the option. And re condoms, aren't they free in some places?

lyralalala · 30/07/2020 13:31

If my sexually active kid had no money for condoms, and no access to free ones with the sexual health clinics because of the pandemic, they'd be given a box, or the cash to buy some.

Your priorities are a bit squiffy if he's already been on one sleepover and he's hanging around with his mates then coming home already - it seems as if it's the girlfriend that's the problem

Sk1nnyB1tch · 30/07/2020 13:31

I don't think your unreasonable, he showed poor judgement at the last gathering. Tents are waterproof, he just didn't want to miss the fun!
I don't blame him, he is 18 and it's all about your friends and boyfriends/girlfriends at that age.
But he doesn't live in a vacuum, his actions have consequences for all the people who live in your home.
If the garage could be made liveable and a separate arrangement made so that he didn't use your toilet I'd do that. But enforce no entrance to the house. He can have home comforts or unlimited socialising. Not both.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 30/07/2020 13:32

I don't think that stopping him from going will prevent him having sex with new girlfriend - I wouldn't rely on it as a contraceptive.

PearlQ · 30/07/2020 13:32

Why are parents allowing their kids to host sleepovers?! I know someone who wouldn't let her DC return to school as it was 'unsafe' but her dc has a variety of kids around and had a sleepover with 5 last week.

I know children suffer less seriously from Covid but it's just the chain of infection isn't it. Madness imo. The weather's nice they can all roam the streets together keeping a bit of social distance.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 30/07/2020 13:34

I think you're being massively U to know that he's no money for condoms and not just say "I'll lend you a tenner, go and buy some from the local shop". I'd offer to do that no matter their age because their sexual health comes first.

Also think it's a little U to think he'd sleep outside in a tent whilst everyone else was indoors sheltering from the rain - when you were 18 would you have wanted to be that kid?

Original poster
NoFunMom · 30/07/2020 13:42

He has money from his part time job but spends on online crap so why should I sub him to have sex with a new girlfriend (when he shouldn’t be getting into a relationship at this time)?

He was given the option of being picked up and coming home if it rained, even if that was 2am in the morning.

There are 5 of us ( not including him) in our household, why should I let him bring the virus home with him?

I’ve asked him to keep socialising to outdoors as much as possible. There much more risk of picking it up touching surfaces in someone else’s house and sleeping in the same room as them!

OP posts:
zafferana · 30/07/2020 13:44

Erm...he's 18! He's an adult. You can't say no...if he wants to live by his own rules though, then maybe he should move out.

This^

Northernsoullover · 30/07/2020 13:45

I don't actually think you are being unreasonable. If it were normal times I'd say you were being a bit controlling. However, buy the poor kid some condoms.

Original poster
NoFunMom · 30/07/2020 13:47

In normal time’s I’d had no problem with him going on sleepovers obviously, or getting a new girlfriend, as I haven’t before!

OP posts:
Heischeatingisnthe · 30/07/2020 13:47

He’s not a child anymore.
Buy him some condoms and chill out.

Original poster
NoFunMom · 30/07/2020 13:48

Obviously he can’t move out straightaway! He’s got no where to go and another year of college.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoFunMom · 30/07/2020 13:49

FGS! It’s not about him being a child anymore. It’s about him putting the whole family at risk of CV!

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 30/07/2020 13:50

I totally get where you are coming from OP.
However, he is 18 and you can't stop him.
But.... you can stop him coming back into your house until he has isolated.
He could sleep in the tent in your garden!
Tell him to get himself to his local GUM or SHAW clinic and get a loads of condoms. They are free! He should be protecting himself and his GF from STD/I's!

mosquitofeast · 30/07/2020 13:52

You need to put your foot down. He is 18, yes, but your house, and your rules. This is completely unreasonable during a pandemic. If people behave like this, there will be hundreds of thousands of deaths, possibly including him or one of his friends, or his new girlfriend.

He needs that spelt out to him. He doesn't seem to understand.

Does he have learning difficulties of some kind?

Hobnobsandbroomstick · 30/07/2020 13:53

Your house, your rules.

If he wants to go out and about, but the rest of you want to be a bit more cautious, then he needs to move out.

Can't under 25s get condoms for free or something?

MintyMabel · 30/07/2020 13:55

He can get free condoms.

If you don't want him in the house when he's not social distancing, ask him to leave.

MintyMabel · 30/07/2020 13:55

Can't under 25s get condoms for free or something

Anyone can get them.

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 30/07/2020 13:55

Re the condoms tell his to get a "C card" from sexual health clinic - he can then pick up free condoms in Boots etc

pooopypants · 30/07/2020 13:56

In the UK, anyone can get free condoms

He'll have even less money if he gets his GF pregnant

Original poster
NoFunMom · 30/07/2020 14:01

Thank you!

Could do with a few more on my side before I show him this thread!

He’s currently stamping about. Bloody teenagers Angry.

OP posts:
TeaAndStrumpets · 30/07/2020 14:03

I agree OP. Going forward our lives will be forever changed by this virus, the sooner young people learn safe habits the better. It probably seems harsh to some, but if he came home and caused the death of a family member he would have a lifetime of regret.

squeekums · 30/07/2020 14:03

@NoFunMom

He has money from his part time job but spends on online crap so why should I sub him to have sex with a new girlfriend (when he shouldn’t be getting into a relationship at this time)?

He was given the option of being picked up and coming home if it rained, even if that was 2am in the morning.

There are 5 of us ( not including him) in our household, why should I let him bring the virus home with him?

I’ve asked him to keep socialising to outdoors as much as possible. There much more risk of picking it up touching surfaces in someone else’s house and sleeping in the same room as them!

You buy him condoms cos you should care if he catches an STD or gets her pregnant, despite wanting to be on your corona high horse. Corona dont mean all people are now having to be celibate

He is 18, you think he will call mummy to come pick him up if its raining in front of his friends? Seriously?

Have you been out at all? has anyone else in your house? If yes AT ALL, then everyone else in family has subjected you all to same risk

Your way OTT
You can ask him to stay outside but if i were him, it would be smile and nod, "yes mum' knowing full well id be going inside.

At 18 you can make him choose to follow rules or kick him out but given how OTT you are, dont be shocked if he does leave and sees a mates couch as a better option.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 30/07/2020 14:04

I agree, your house, your rules.
Plenty people on here say that whenever a post comes up about visitors in others houses etc so why should it be different if it's your child (though I concede that he lives there rather than is a visitor.)

DaisyDreaming · 30/07/2020 14:08

Whats better, funding some condoms or him becoming a dad at 18 or getting a serious STI? Do they have the C card in your area. Just buy him some even if you disagree with the relationship and make sure he has access to free ones like with a c card in the future