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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Been told my mum is dying and my dad getting on to me about money ..aibu ?

46 replies

angeharis · 29/07/2020 14:48

I've been to the hospital and just got told my mum is dying.
They've stopped treatment.
I got to my dads upset.
I sit down and he says "do you realise a £18 Uber eats has came off my bank card"
I told him it was a accident as years ago I used his card for a Uber.
I thought it came from my card.
It was a genuine mistake
I said sorry and gave him the money.
He doesn't stop
You should be careful what your doing
That came off my card
I threw my purse at him and walked out
Over £18
He text saying
I won't forget the way you've behaved there

I have just been told my mum is dying in the next few days more than likely
How can you be so nasty

OP posts:
TheLastDynasty · 29/07/2020 15:09

I’m so sorry OP, that’s a horrible thing to happen.

Are your parents together? If your dad is grieving too it might be that he has focused on this issue because of displaced anger or grief. It’s not an excuse, but it may be a reason?

Either way I hope you have other people to support you and I am so sorry you’re going through this Flowers

Gazelda · 29/07/2020 15:11

I'm so sorry about your Mum.

I presume your parents aren't a couple? If so, It must be so upsetting to not receive support and love from your Dad right now.

If they are still together, then maybe you could be a little forgiving as he is struggling too.

Have you anyone with you now? Anyone you can call?

P0lka · 29/07/2020 15:13

As previously poster - you're both likely to be upset, grieving and angry; you both need to cut each other a bit of slack, on the basis you're both going through this horrid, horrid event Flowers

Blanca87 · 29/07/2020 15:15

Some people are just self absorbed cunts. I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. ♥️

Original poster
angeharis · 29/07/2020 15:15

My dad and mum haven't been a couple in over 30 years.
Believe you and me no loved lost.
He said
Well you know it was coming,it's sad but one of those things.
That's it

OP posts:
KellyMarieTunstall2 · 29/07/2020 15:21

What an absolute arsehole. So sorry about your Mum OP. I hope you have other family to support you. Don't visit him again.Flowers

ArnoJambonsBike · 29/07/2020 15:23

There'd be no love lost between me and the heartless old prick after that and I would certainly be replying with "I will NEVER forget how you behaved"

NC is the way forward here.

formerbabe · 29/07/2020 15:24

How awful...I hope you have other people you can turn to

LambChopsMcGee · 29/07/2020 15:28

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum OP. Your dad's behaviour was really awful. I hope you have people who can support you better than that.

Maybe not what you want to hear but if it were me I'd be going straight home and ordering some very expensive food on that Uber eats account.

thepeopleversuswork · 29/07/2020 15:28

Sorry to hear about your mum.

I'm not surprised they're no longer together and I'm guessing you're no stranger to this sort of behaviour.

I would surround yourself with people who are not your dad from this point, to be honest.

Original poster
angeharis · 29/07/2020 15:28

I don't have any other family except for my mum and dad.
So I rely on him probably more than I should

OP posts:
Marnie76 · 29/07/2020 15:29

I would text him back and say i won’t forget how you’ve behaved. My mum is dying, you might not like her I am losing someone I love. Don’t contact me unless it’s to apologise.

AdaColeman · 29/07/2020 15:30

You are bound to be upset after such very sad news. Your Dad isn't being very thoughtful or considerate of your feelings. Is he usually so self centred?

Give him a wide berth for the next few weeks so he can't upset you again with his unfeeling comments and selfish attitude.

jessstan2 · 29/07/2020 15:43

Your dad will calm down, don't worry about that. Get on to Uber and have his card removed from your account and let that be the end of it.

I'm so sorry about your mum; your dad could have been a bit more sympathetic, frankly, but some people are just like that.

Tappering · 29/07/2020 15:43

I won't forget how you've behaved either. So think on about what that means for when it's your turn to pass.

Shouldbedancingyeah · 29/07/2020 15:45

He is an absolute twat and there’s no excuse for that behaviour. Personally I don’t think I could ever come back from that and salvage a relationship. I don’t think I could lay eyes on him again if I were you.

I’m so sorry about your mum OP. Please take care x

DoIneed1 · 29/07/2020 15:46

Op I think that you are going to have to steel yourself to accept that your dad isn't going to be of any support to you during this awful time.

Please look after yourself, and I wish you all the best.

GisAFag · 29/07/2020 15:53

Grief, shock, emotions are different for each person. Sounds like he's upset and is using the uber ears as his outlet. Just the way kids will kick off because you ask them pick up a bit of paper, it's not the paper that's the issue it's something else but the paper is their outlet. Let it go.

Didkdt · 29/07/2020 15:53

Sorry it's such a tough time.
Have you got other people you can turn to right now

SmileyClare · 29/07/2020 15:55

I think these replies are harsh towards your dad. Calling him selfish, a cunt, suggesting you order more uber food to teach him a lesson? What? Presumably he loved your mum at one stage. Perhaps he doesn't express emotion well? Most men of about his age don't unfortunately.

Perhaps money's tight for him. I don't see anything wrong with him bringing up the card mistake so it doesn't happen again. And asking you to be careful.

You threw your purse at him and stormed out. Understandable given your upsetting news. However if you're close to your dad, don't cut him off now. You say you rely on him too much. What does that mean? Emotionally, financially?

I'd let it go and concentrate on your mum rather than a feud with your dad.

You're angry at the awful news regarding your mum and are misdirecting at your dad I think.
I'm really sorry about your mum. Life can be cruel Flowers

lostandsad1 · 29/07/2020 15:58

Ignore your dad, in the great scheme of things, his reaction today doesn't matter and may have been done to show you he doesn't care. His loss as a human but not worth thinking about now.

What matters, and what you will look back on and care about, is that you got to spend your mum's last few days happily, in a way you will remember forever.

You're very lucky to have this time with your mum - my mum passed away two and a half weeks ago, and I had only a few hours' notice. I only got to have about half an hour with her and she couldn't speak.

If you have the time, and your mum is still able to enjoy your company, spend that precious time with her.

That's what matters.

It's very hard, so a big hug to you, and I hope your mum does pull through. Be kind to yourself xx

TeaChocKitKat · 29/07/2020 15:58

Do you have anyone else who can support you because clearly you can't rely on your dad to help you through this?

youwereagoodcakeclyde · 29/07/2020 16:09

@SmileyClare

I think these replies are harsh towards your dad. Calling him selfish, a cunt, suggesting you order more uber food to teach him a lesson? What? Presumably he loved your mum at one stage. Perhaps he doesn't express emotion well? Most men of about his age don't unfortunately.

Perhaps money's tight for him. I don't see anything wrong with him bringing up the card mistake so it doesn't happen again. And asking you to be careful.

You threw your purse at him and stormed out. Understandable given your upsetting news. However if you're close to your dad, don't cut him off now. You say you rely on him too much. What does that mean? Emotionally, financially?

I'd let it go and concentrate on your mum rather than a feud with your dad.

You're angry at the awful news regarding your mum and are misdirecting at your dad I think.
I'm really sorry about your mum. Life can be cruel Flowers

I agree with this
SchadenfreudePersonified · 29/07/2020 16:11

OP - I'm so sorry - your father is a heartless tw*t, plain and simple.

Unless he's on the bones of his backside he shouldn't be going on about this. I don't know what your relationship is like with him in general, but if he's like this a lot it would be an NC response from me.

He mightn't like your mother, but he knows that you LOVE her, and that you have been knocked for six by this devastating news. He has no heart, and no empathy. He will make you feel worse rather than better. You need someone who will support you. This is dreadfully distressing.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 29/07/2020 16:12

It may well be that he cares more than he lets on and/or that he's shocked by the news, and that's driven his frankly bizarre and ill-timed reaction.

Or he's just being an arse who doesn't care at all and has, for whatever reason, chosen this terrible moment to make a fuss about accidental use of a bank card.

If it's the former, I'd say take some time away from each other, apologise and hopefully move on. If the latter, I'd stay well away from him for the foreseeable future for the sake of your sanity.

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