DH and I are married, he has two children, I have none. His children are late teens/early twenties. He didn't have the best dad, although I wasn't around at the time the stories I hear from him are one that his dad was too busy working to consider his children very much. I don't know of any abuse, just a dad who didn't have much free time for his children.
To compensate for this he's always wanted to be a great father, obviously this is great news.
I'm not a natural step parent, I'm not maternal and I don't have my own kids. I didn't meet him until his kids were past the cuddly baby stage so I didn't form a bond with them. I tried very very hard for the first years of our relationship but gave up and gradually disengaged to the point where I see them rarely. This works well for them, his kids are in no way disadvantaged or mistreated.
So he sees them every other weekend plus odd nights during the week. He takes them out for dinner, usually fish and chips or MacDonalds, not fine dining. When we lived in a normal world he'd take them cinema, bowling, crazy golf - you know.
When the kids aren't around he plays his sport, so I rarely see him, he doesn't play his sport when it's his kids time as he doesn't want them to feel left out. This isn't a huge problem for me as I'm very self sufficient.
But my post is to be a great dad do you need to be a shit husband? We don't do anything together (or rarely). I'm a human being and I'm sure it's natural to feel a little envious isn't it? Before you flame me, think about it from my shoes. If your husband is devoting all of his time, effort and funds into something you're not involved with.
For those who may think, why don't you go along. I'm not welcomed, they are a secret society who I'm excluded from.