Overly concerned with sunburn on child

[Serendipity21]

Hello
I am after some advice please!
My DS spent last week with grandparents. He is 2 years old.
When he with me I smother him in factor 50 and has never burnt.
He was sent to grandparents with cream.
He was taken out around 2pm one day, was overcast so was explained to me ‘no cream was required‘ 🙄 6 hours after I bought him home, the front of his legs were pink. They did not seem to hurt him, and he didn’t complain or cry. Based on these I thought it had to be something like eczema. I applied some cream and again, no complaints. In the morning they were still pink but not as bad as the night before. Again, no complaints. The following day there was abit of extra colour but pretty much back to normal. Over a week later there has been no peeling or anything you would expect with sunburn.
I have in my head it was sunburn and I am furious with grandparents they didn’t have the sense to put cream on him and here is my issue. I suffer severe anxiety and I am now convinced DS will get skin cancer later in life. I can’t stop thinking about it. Am I being stupid about this???? Was it even sunburn if it didn’t peel or hurt him? Is it normal for a child not to peel?
Any advice would be appreciated - no need to tell me suncream is essential - I know this already and I am so upset/disappointed this has happened.

Sorry I meant drops

DS1 has the blondest hair and the palest skin imaginable. He's 14 now and when he was younger I was a little like you, OP, and worried endlessly about his skin in the sun. My Mum once took him to the seaside for a weekend and did all the right things; hats on, rash vests on, F50 on the back of his neck and only realised when they arrived home she'd forgotten the tops of his feet and his ears. He was absolutely fine, and it caused no lasting damage to his skin, plus my Mum was devastated - me being angry would have simply hurt her more when she already felt like crap.

Nursery won't forget; they're great at stuff like that and to be honest they'll probably be more proactive with sun protection than most parents would be. Send his sun cream in and mention that you're worried about it, they'll reassure you and you'll build up trust in them.

I agree with PP's about checking for your local IAPT service - we're Warwickshire and ours is incredible.

@Serendipity21 I use Boots 8 hr sun cream on my kids. It comes in a kids version which doesn't have perfume and is also waterproof for 3 hours. My eldest is 'that kid' who is red haired, very fair skinned, very sensitive skinned, burns at the whiff of some sunshine and also reacts to some sunscreams. He is fine with the Boots 8 hour stuff. I also react to certain sunscreams and it's fine with me too.

I know you don't want to medicate, but I definitely recommend looking into some medication for yourself and your anxiety. I've struggled on and off since my kids were born. I've been really struggling the last few months and have now had to go back onto medication again. I need it in the same way my DH needs medication for asthma every day. It is not anything to be ashamed of.

@Serendipity21 I found it at Boots, Soltan factor 50 8hour for kids

I have two kids - the eldest has albinism meaning we have to be particularly careful with him in the sun as he has little pigment and does not produce melanin like typical kids.

That being said, it's all about balance as vitamin D is important for his health too. We do give him a vitamin supplement all year round (as we do for our youngest who doesn't have albinism, but it's now just habit more than anything) but I feel it's important for him to have some "natural" vitamin D time too.

In the UK there is no need for sunscreen application from about the end of September to the beginning of April. From beginning of April through to end September we apply factor 50 sunscreen on exposed skin if the UV is going to be above around 3. I do try to make sure he has some sun screen free outdoor time before 11am and after 3pm.

I don't restrict him going outdoors at any time of the day - I think it's more important for him to get some healthy outdoor time. We just make sure he has sunscreen on and wears a hat. If it's blazing hot we try to provide a bit of shade but he's a typical crazy 5 year old so can't always persuade him to stay in it.

I think we have a good balance and his skin protection is appropriate for any fair or red headed child.

We don't use the 8 hour sunscreen - our dermatologist did not recommend it as it doesn't really provide 8 hours of protection (sweat, washing and rubbing of clothes means it doesn't really last) and frequent reapplication is better. I know a lot of childcare providers are balking at applying sunscreen currently - I don't really buy it to be honest. Surely they get much closer contact when nappy changing / helping with toileting?

It does sound like your DS got a little sunburn. He'll be totally fine though - skin cancer risk increases through cumulative and repeated sun damage.

@iano I give him the wellbaby vitamin drops every day and that contains vitamin D. I also make sure he has plenty of fruit and veg during the day.
He is very pale, blonde and blue eyes. Maybe the pink showed up more but it was very clearly pink. I thought any changes to skin colour because of the sun was classified as damage. It’s completely back to normal now. I’ve burnt plenty of times and my skin has never recovered as quickly. As @NanooCovmentioned, I understand is cumulative but I just feel bad that chain has been triggered now. I keep thinking of the mums in my NCT group would never have let this happen to their children. I in now I’m being ridiculous.

What about covering up with clothes instead. My DCs are out in all weathers but always wear long sleeves, trousers and a wide hat. I almost never use suncream as I'm not a big fan of putting unnecessary chemicals on our skin. It also means we avoid nettle stings, insect bites, etc. I think you actually stay cooler too.

You need help with your anxiety this is not a normal response at all. Please speak to someone I had exactly the same reaction once when dd caught the sun. It was.similar as in not sore or peeling just a bit red. I do suffer from anxiety, though, and am on meds now.

One thing I discovered in my hours of googling at the time is that it's the second time that's most dangerous. I.e. repeated exposure in the same place is far more dangerous than a one off incident. Actually legs are fairly low risk once a person is walking every where unless they sunbathe so I would let it go. In reality very few humans go through life without letting the sun turn their skin slightly red from time to time.

I agree with your strategy of vitamin d tablets and high factor suncream, though, don't change that. Educate your parents about UV index and be honest and tell them you are concerned and please could they put suncream on when they are going out between April and October unless UV index is low.

You shouldn't be dwelling on this now though, he is in no real long term danger from this one off incident. I agree with others, if you can't let this go you may need help with your anxiety. It's worth getting help because there will be so many of these issues over his lifetime and I am so glad I have mine under control.now. I can enjoy my children's childhoods without worry about every little thing.

i keep thinking of the mums in my NCT group would never have let this happen they just wouldn't tell you about it.

It wasn't even your fault, you can't prevent everything. Let it.go now. there are probably only a handful of humans in the world whose skin hasn't changed colour because of the sun at some point in their lives. Yes it's all officially.damage, of course, but that's like worrying you will get lung cancer from one evening of smoking cigarettes when we were teenagers. It would be better for.your lungs if you hadn't smoked but the increase in risk is insignificant.

A study from earlier this year shows that significant chemicals are absorbed into the bloodstream from sunscreens. They don't know the long term effects, but this would be enough to stop me from smothering a child in these chemicals. Clothes, hats and shade are much better anyway, and as mentioned kids need the Vit D from sun, it is pretty hard to get enough from food sources/supplements alone.

OP, I’m glad you’re trying to do something about your anxiety because I do agree this seems to be the biggest issue. I’m very pale and careful in the sun, but he just went a bit pink - this is no reason to worry about nursery.

OP, if your GP surgery is anything like mine, a doctor can get in touch to do a proper length remote appointment for you over the phone or via video call. They're not rationing their time or your access to healthcare, just limiting the number of people who are physically in the building. Please get in touch with your GP if you feel you need help. You're not putting them out.

I hope this thread has helped; it sounds like a minor sun burn of the kind every single person has had, including the children of the NCT mums! I have very fair skin and have had so many sunburns and am still alive to tell the tale. Hang in there.

If I reacted like that over a bit of sunburn with my parents, I'd be told where to go! Try to relax.

You're still focussing on the sunburn. Did you see the rest of my post? Are you planning to do something about your anxiety?

Please make an appointment at your GP’s. It doesn’t matter if it’s by phone or face to face, it’s still the same appointment and you are still just as valued and your health just as valuable as the next person, pandemic or no.

GP’s are really not under the cosh in the same way they were before, so don’t worry about wasting their time, they want to treat peoples general health and exist for the sole purpose of doing so! My GP practise has texted out messages to say this, and my GP (I’m seriously ill so have a lot of contact With them), my GP herself has told me that they are back to pre-Covid levels of appointments and are just playing catch up trying to get everybody in who should have been seen who didn’t get seen / didn’t want to bother them when it was really bad... I think that basically describes you right now doesn’t it?

If you’re uncomfortable explaining to a receptionist what the appointment is about - (I know some practices have that policy, Of triaging appointments like that) ... well, you don’t have to give all the gory details, as that’s for the appointment itself, but you didn’t want to end up dismissing your own health so much you end up without an appointment... as I think you’d really benefit from speaking to a GP and from this thread it’s clear that you certainly wouldn’t be wasting their time with it! Its always difficult as you need to be confident to get through the system... and when you’re not well you’re not confident enough to navigate through it all. It’s worth it though.

if asked, you could say that it’s a ‘sensitive matter‘ and if pressed for details say that that ‘it’s something you’re finding hard to talk about but it is effecting your day to day life/ wellbeing significantly’

You can absolutely say that it’s about a mental health issue, if you feel up to saying that and if they are pressing for that amount of detail, but the main thing they need to know is that youre in the right place and they don’t need to sign post you to A&E, or a nurse, or a clinic of some kind on a different day.

But you are nice and simple from their point of view, All you need is a GP call back...

... and then you tell the GP exactly what you’ve told us here and go from there.

OP I’m going to echo other posters and say the more pressing matter is dealing with your anxiety. Parental anxiety can have such a detrimental impact on children and I’m sure you don’t want to pass on your worries to your son.

I have a friend who is overly anxious who complain constantly about her toddler’s tantrums but they’re a reaction to her always caging him in. He’s never allowed to explore. Trapped in a buggy or lifted away from any perceived risk. It’s sad to watch.

I also have had super bad anxiety. No one can understand the train of thoughts if you’ve not had it. Mild sunburn is not a big deal. And like others, your anxiety will be more of a problem than a bit of sun damage. And I say this as someone who has worried about so many things too. Think in the future about when he wants to climb a tree or walk along a slightly high wall. What will your reaction be? Will you pass on your anxiety. Will he get nervous of the sun and not enjoy going out with his friends. It’s so so so hard but I try everyday not to give my kids my anxiety. I want them to be courageous and brave and not held back.

A study from earlier this year shows that significant chemicals are absorbed into the bloodstream from sunscreens

Ther are chemicals in everything. This is the weakest argument for not protecting your children from skin cancer. Decades of research has gone into sunscreens.

serendipity21 can you explain why you don't want to go on medication if it will help you? Would take antibiotics if you needed them for an infection?

I’m not overly opposed to going on medication but then would prefer not to. Another reason is I am still breastfeeding him. I’m sure many people will say he is too old at 2 but I wanted to wait until he weened himself off and there are so many benefits to continuing. I didn’t know if this medication would pass through the breast milk.

I never wanted medication either. I’d rather get to the root cause of anxiety than just numbing it.

when you're ready please do call IAPT. You're not doing your son a favour by avoiding getting your issues sorted.

@Serendipity21

I’m not overly opposed to going on medication but then would prefer not to. Another reason is I am still breastfeeding him. I’m sure many people will say he is too old at 2 but I wanted to wait until he weened himself off and there are so many benefits to continuing. I didn’t know if this medication would pass through the breast milk.

Nope, you can safely breastfeed on antidepressants and antianxiety meds.

Thankyou all for your replies. I know I need help with my anxiety and I will get help. Nevertheless I was upset that this has happened after I had been so careful. It wasnt just slightly pink, it was pink and was quite warm to the touch hence me panicking but he didn’t complain or grimace in paint etc. Nor had it peeled, which is the confusing bit.
I know for some it isn’t a biggie and happens to most kids and damage builds up over time but I wanted to avoid any sort of burn. X

I personally think natural vitamin D is really important so we go out most mornings 8-11 without any cream on at all, then they nap 12-2, then we go out 2.30-5 ish, only if it’s very hot do I put cream on their face in the afternoon. Once they get a natural tan you need much less as well.