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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He says it’s my fault for having my eyes closed!

48 replies

Time2change2 · 27/07/2020 21:57

Ok so I know this seems silly but after a few ‘heated debates’ with DH I am irritated. Like many women, I hardly have any photos of me with the kids. I am snapping away all day with them and DH in pictures. Very occasionally he will get out his phone to take a photo of the kids. Even rarer has it got me in (unless I keep asking).
Anyway, almost every photo he takes when I see it later at home, I have my eyes closed. He says it’s my fault for closing my eyes! I don’t mean to close my eyes, I am just smiling at the camera! I have said lots of time, can he check the photo is ok at the time but he says it’s not his job to keep checking, it’s my fault for not having my eyes open. He sometimes takes a few photos at the time but I seem to have my eyes closed in most of them! Such a shame as I just want some nice pictures of me and the kids. I can’t get anyone else to do it either at the moment because of the virus no one wants to handle anyone else’s phone in general!
He can’t understand where I’m coming from and I can’t understand where he’s coming from.
I should add he is a great husband and father so not an asshole in general but this does irk me!
AIBU?

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 27/07/2020 21:59

Get a selfie stick and do it yourself.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 27/07/2020 22:00

Go outside and wear sunglasses? This is my sister’s strategy as she is also an expert eye-closer.

Laiste · 27/07/2020 22:01

YANBU
When they are open again book yourself in with a decent photographer who will do a few really nice relaxed informal shots of (just) you with the DCs :)

In the meantime keep asking 'D'H to check if your eyes are open in pics before the moment completely passes.

BereftOfInk · 27/07/2020 22:02

Yes! Sunglasses. Or camera on a timer and having to run back to the DC always causes lots of laughter and some natural smiles rather than grinning grimaces from the DC!

newyearnoeu · 27/07/2020 22:05

Why does anyone else have to handle your phone? They can take a photo on theirs and send it to you if you want one so much?
I think dh is unreasonable, how hard is it to check if a photo is ok? Takes less than a second. Tell him to just hold his thumb down for a few seconds while you smile so it takes multiple quick shots - it's unlikely you will have your eyes closed in them all, if the act of actually taking more than one photo is too onerous for him.

And if you now know you have a tendency to close your eyes when you smile then ensure you don't do it when someone is taking a photo of you!

LouiseTrees · 27/07/2020 22:06

Oh also some photographers are doing socially distanced doorstep shoots. A friend had one done.

Spanglebangle · 27/07/2020 22:07

YA so NBU this pisses me off. I make so much effort to take nice pics of the kids and pics of kids and DH. He never takes pics of kids or me. Almost all the pics of me and the kids are selfies and they are never as good as unposed, natural pics. I think the only pics that exist are a day or two after we have had this conversation then he stops again. No pics of us at Christmas or birthdays unless I request them and then the spontaneity is gone. Grrr

TheHighestSardine · 27/07/2020 22:09

Tell the silly sod it's not like film, taking a pic doesn't use anything up so always take TWO PHOTOS in succession. Then delete the one with you blinking.

Ladybirdlashes · 27/07/2020 22:09

I feel your pain! My dp is the same, I always make sure I play around with the angle and take nice natural pictures of him with dc but he never repays the favour and it really takes away from the moment to have to nag him to take a picture and then when he does there’s so little effort - so long as we’re in the frame it’s job done, always manages to get me at a bad angle and will only take one shot. It’s obviously a first world problem but I do get jealous he has all these lovely pictures of him with dc and I don’t! Also makes me feel crap only ever having bad pictures of myself!

Scarby9 · 27/07/2020 22:10

My mum shuts her eyes in photos. I

Instead of saying 'smile' we all shout 'Eyes wide open!'. And we check each picture we take to make sure we get an open eyed shot.

You need to be aware of opening your eyes, and insist on checking the photos so another can be taken if necessary.

JammyHands · 27/07/2020 22:10

Is he using the flash? I have this problem - it makes me blink.

PS: he's being a jerk.

OhioOhioOhio · 27/07/2020 22:11

Yadnbu

My xh did this

myusernamewastakenbyme · 27/07/2020 22:19

I have the opposite problem...i loathe my photo being taken and my dh is always trying to take my pic...i look hideous in all photos...i really am horribly unphotogenic.

WorraLiberty · 27/07/2020 22:30

Get him to take some videos

Then you can screenshot some decent pics from there

We have to do this with my DH because as soon as you try to take his photo, his face looks automatically terrified Confused

Salome61 · 27/07/2020 22:32

My late husband wouldn't let me use his camera and so many of our photos are just me and the kids - so sad when he died, hardly any of him with me and the kids. Photographs are a lovely way of remembering happy times, ask a few strangers to photograph you all together :)

Tooshytoshine · 27/07/2020 22:33

I just take selfies with the kids. My DP has no eye for a good photo nor knows when one is flattering or not. They take the hundreds of gorgeous shots of them with the kids entirely for granted and it is one of the few things that used to really fuck me off about them.

Tooshytoshine · 27/07/2020 22:35

PS. For all those who like me are a bit unphotogenic... You just have the sort of beauty that moves

Nomorepies · 27/07/2020 22:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

BoomBoomsCousin · 27/07/2020 22:36

I can see why you want some photos, but I'm much like your DH in not wanting to spend much time viewing life through a lens and not really finding having perfect photos important.

Perhaps you could get him to get his camera set to take photo bursts so he only has to do it once but there will be several frames to choose from? Or, as others have said, get a selfie stick.

Crosswithlifeatm · 27/07/2020 22:38

I andany of my female friends feel as you do OP.
I always said that if I died when my DD was young she'd never have know she had a mother.

Horehound · 27/07/2020 22:38

Not his job to check?
What the fuck is wrong with people. How can he mean to spiteful and mean?

My husband isn't amazing at remembering to take photos of me and my boy but he does sometimes and other times I tell him to but he always takes a lot of shots in succession and checks them too.

Your husband just sounds like a twat. Do not take any of him!

Candyfloss99 · 27/07/2020 22:38

Well I'd be raging if my husband took a photo of me and he only took the one. He knows he has to take about 20 so I can pick the best one 🤣

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 27/07/2020 22:46

I would never trust my dh to check the photo, so much more than eyes shut to consider, it's the angles, and how open my eyes are (ones dropping) and am I slouched etc etc etc which is why I have two categories of photos- framing and remembering. So sometimes when we're dressed or somewhere idyllic I'll want something nice to frame so I'll check, if we're just having a lovely moment I don't care as long as I get the memory prompt.

Phrowzunn · 27/07/2020 22:49

I have over 5000 photos of my DC on my phone but probably less than 25 with my DH in and maybe less than 10 with me in. Tbh I don’t get the big deal with me having to be in their photos - I want photos of them, not photos of me. Looking back I’m sure we’ll all remember I was there!

backseatcookers · 27/07/2020 22:52

Videos and then screenshot from them 👍🏻

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