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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He says it’s my fault for having my eyes closed!

48 replies

Time2change2 · 27/07/2020 21:57

Ok so I know this seems silly but after a few ‘heated debates’ with DH I am irritated. Like many women, I hardly have any photos of me with the kids. I am snapping away all day with them and DH in pictures. Very occasionally he will get out his phone to take a photo of the kids. Even rarer has it got me in (unless I keep asking).
Anyway, almost every photo he takes when I see it later at home, I have my eyes closed. He says it’s my fault for closing my eyes! I don’t mean to close my eyes, I am just smiling at the camera! I have said lots of time, can he check the photo is ok at the time but he says it’s not his job to keep checking, it’s my fault for not having my eyes open. He sometimes takes a few photos at the time but I seem to have my eyes closed in most of them! Such a shame as I just want some nice pictures of me and the kids. I can’t get anyone else to do it either at the moment because of the virus no one wants to handle anyone else’s phone in general!
He can’t understand where I’m coming from and I can’t understand where he’s coming from.
I should add he is a great husband and father so not an asshole in general but this does irk me!
AIBU?

OP posts:

Puffinhead · 27/07/2020 23:03

I had the exact same thing when my DC were small. Loads of lovely photos of him with the kids but hardly any of me. I had to keep prompting him. YADNBU

SantaClaritaDiet · 27/07/2020 23:04

Tbh I don’t get the big deal with me having to be in their photos - I want photos of them, not photos of me.

your kids might... It would be a big deal for me as a mother, but even more as the child of a parent no longer with us.

Original poster

Time2change2 · 27/07/2020 23:08

Thanks ladies so I’m not going mad then. I think the video is a good idea, also I might get a selfie stick because I just can’t get all of us in with just my arm plus I like to have some of the background to show where we were.
Strangers are very wary of taking phones for photos at the moment I have found- I have asked a couple of people recently and got the answer ‘better not’ or similar.
It was drizzling today and cloudy so no sunglasses but that’s a good idea for the future! Obvs won’t work inside somewhere though.
I totally get the Pp who said they take loads of nice shots of their kids and DH with kids. I would just love some to reflect back on as it’s so nice to go through them in years to come. Kids change so much so fast and my brain gets hazy.

OP posts:

mrsBtheparker · 27/07/2020 23:18

I have the opposite problem...i loathe my photo being taken and my dh is always trying to take my pic...i look hideous in all photos...i really am horribly unphotogenic

I don't have any photos of me for the last 40 years, anyone trying to take my photo having been told not to is putting their camera, phone whatever at risk, I once deleted a three week trip of photos because one fool thought it was funny to take my photo when I'd said No.

nannybeach · 27/07/2020 23:35

I dont like having my photo taken either. We dont have smart phones, its a camera, I point and shoot, occasionally we will be visiting somewhere, I would like a record of being there, the DH, will start on the, changing settings, for distance,light,shade,close-up, etc etc, so by then I have stood there so long, I always have my mouth open, (usually saying, "Will you hurry up") and my eyes closed!!

hilariousnamehere · 27/07/2020 23:36

Lots of photographers are doing outdoor distanced shoots at the moment, we can shoot on a nice long lens and just catch you guys doing your thing together :) definitely worth looking at, photos are so precious 💙

I might be biased but I think every woman should have at least one incredible picture of herself as well as shots with family

Boohoohoohooho · 27/07/2020 23:57

Selfies.
Put a timer on the phone.
Ask your DH or your kids to take photos
Do you see other people? Get them to take Some photos.
Get a phone that takes ‘live photos’. My apple phone takes them. There are amazing, they take a rapid sequence of shots and you can chose the best one.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. Some people aren’t into taking photos

GoldenKelpie · 28/07/2020 00:04

It is so irritating to be the one who takes all the pics and is never in them. I have stopped taking pics on holidays for two years now. If DH wants a pic taken he can do it. He hasn't.

NiceGerbil · 28/07/2020 00:09

I read a thing ages ago about women usually take the pics and also often feel uncomfy being photographed.

There were interviews with people who had lost their mums on the young side and had hardly any pictures.

It really resonated. I've got hardly any pics of my mum, it's all the kids and dad.

I mean I don't get on with her and she's alive still but still it's a definite phenomena.

Do some selfies with the kids is my suggestion. Then you can check you are happy with them and also there will be, you know, photos.

NiceGerbil · 28/07/2020 00:09

I've got loads of great selfies with the kids on holiday.

DH is shit at taking photos.

Wearywithteens · 28/07/2020 00:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 28/07/2020 00:22

My XH was like this - there are so many pics of him with the DCs but hardly any of me. Whenever I would bring it up, he’d take one really crap one from an unflattering angle, chopping off my feet so I look really stumpy etc! I do feel a bit sad, but the main thing is that I have lots of lovely ones of the DCs and they will know I was there taking them! Maybe I will have a look through and put together a nice album for each of them with at least one pic of me in it?!

NaNaNaNaNaNaBaNaNa · 28/07/2020 00:22

On most phones you just hold the button and it'll take a "burst" of like 10-20 photos and then you just delete the ones you don't like. It literally takes no additional effort. Tell your husband to sort himself out.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 28/07/2020 00:23

Also try and encourage your DCs to take pics - one of my friends gives her phone to her 2 y/o and the photos of her are always so beautiful, almost as if the love she has for her little photographer shines through!

NiceGerbil · 28/07/2020 00:26

Reread last post and op again.

Stop taking photos with him. Kids go over next to the tree I'll take I pic! Come and cuddle let's do a selfie! DC take a pic of me with other DC!!!

Do it.

Bumply · 28/07/2020 01:09

I take photos n my iPhone and make sure 'Live' photos is enabled.
This actually takes a mini video and you can pick which one from the couple of seconds worth you want as the photo that shows.
Then I can just move back and forth to get the best shot if the initial one has person with eyes closed.

CertainGecko · 28/07/2020 01:58

@Phrowzunn

You might just want pics of your kids, but when they're older and you're gone they'll want photos of you and them to look at. I hate photos of myself but I make the effort to take ones that include me now, and print them off so the kids have copies. 5yo DD puts them on her bedroom wall to look at in bed. I'm sure they'll be replaced by posters at some point but she'll still have photos of me for when she wants them.

I'm making the effort to put them in albums too, terrible for relying on phones now.

OP definitely get a selfie stick. They're useful anyway. And like a pp says - ask the dc to take pics of you and the other dc. They might be a bit shit but at least they'll be a bit shit because they're lovingly taken by your small child, rather than your cold hearted twat of a husband. As the kids get old enough they can have an old phone or their own camera to use more spontaneously.

gumball37 · 28/07/2020 03:35

Single mom here. Almost every photo I have of me and my kids is a selfie. I know people bitch about all the selfies but fuck them I want pictures of me WITH my children. That's what I'd do. Spend more time taking photos of your kids and you with your kids.

Another thing I do almost annually is get professional family pictures done.

gumball37 · 28/07/2020 03:37

@CertainGecko

"Cold hearted twat of a husband"

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💕💕💕💕

Boomerwang · 28/07/2020 04:04

There is a setting on your phone which takes ten pictures one after another very quickly so that you can choose the best one. Try asking your husband to drop the negative attitude and come up with a solution together. Frustration makes people grumpy, I get that, but I wish they would recognise it in themselves and count to ten.

Shoxfordian · 28/07/2020 06:55

Husband sounds like he isn't that bothered about you. How hard is it to take a couple of pictures?

Sceptre86 · 28/07/2020 07:05

I tend to shut my eyes too. Not sure why, instead of saying cheese I always get told to keep my eyes open. Dh takes loads of snaps of me because I will likely have my eyes shut in a few.

Yanbu to be annoyed.

Snoozysuz · 29/07/2020 21:28

I used to have the same problem before with having my eyes closed in most photos- a great tip I heard somewhere was to smile while touching the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth- just behind your teeth. Apparently you’re much less likely to blink when doing this.. Sounds a bit mad but really helps!

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