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Original poster

to ask if these are all normal toddler behaviours?

47 replies

ohhmama · 27/07/2020 20:58

For a 21 month old:

  • hitting me in the face when I say no to him
  • trying to hit our cat and pull his tail
  • tantruming up to 3 times a day over small things
  • going completely nuts when I try and put him in his car seat
  • going completely nuts when I try and change his nappy
  • if I ask him to give something to mama, he always gives it to someone else instead
  • hitting me randomly because he thinks it's funny
  • biting me because he thinks it's funny
  • pulling my hair
  • kicking me because he thinks it's funny

I'm exhausted.

OP posts:
Original poster
ohhmama · 27/07/2020 21:00

He doesn't stop all day and is incredibly hyperactive. People have commented on how 'crazy' he is and my friend who works with kids said she's never met such a hyperactive toddler.

I think I'm a good mum. Have a good balance of love and discipline. He's so so lovely but such a handful.

OP posts:
Original poster
ohhmama · 27/07/2020 21:01

He also likes to head butt me Sad it bloody hurts.

OP posts:
SpillTheTeaa · 27/07/2020 21:02

I wouldn't look at it too much at the moment because he's still young. Comments don't help and he probably is hyper. Do you stuck with the discipline when he hurts you?

SpillTheTeaa · 27/07/2020 21:02

Stick*

FTMF30 · 27/07/2020 21:03

I have a 2 year old. He doesn't do most of the things you've mentioned but often gives anyone else an object if I ask him to give it to me. It gives me the rage but i think it's to do with his social development and exercising his ability to choose what to do and push boundaries.

Any kind of violence from him would result in severe pinishment and a serious talking to.

big4mlm · 27/07/2020 21:03

I found a lot of frustration at that age was due to not being able to communicate. It got better as he approached 2. There's a good nook 'how to talk to kids so kids listen' which I found helpful.

Plus the lockdown won't have helped.

Original poster
ohhmama · 27/07/2020 21:04

I always stick with it, but do think I struggle to know how to discipline him properly. I'm a lone parent and have nobody to help me.

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RLOU30 · 27/07/2020 21:04

Watching with interest as my 25 month old has similar traits atm :( Also wiped out.

Original poster
ohhmama · 27/07/2020 21:05

Thanks @big4mlm

@RLOU30 it's exhausting, you have my sympathies.

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Pregnantandredundant · 27/07/2020 21:05

Is he in nursery? My DD went through a challenging phase with some of the same behaviour at roughly the same age. Nursery moved her into a room with older children in and overnight her behaviour changed for the better. She was modelling the older children (and I think the nursery didn’t want the younger children picking up on her behaviour!).

She’s now a very lovely 2.5 year old (though still has her moments!).

RLOU30 · 27/07/2020 21:06

He really wants to communicate though and hasn’t been sleeping well so it’s a mixture of tiredness and frustration I think. When I tell him no he thinks that’s hilarious too so I need to change something I’m doing or not doing.

CeibaTree · 27/07/2020 21:07

Hmm they do sound like quite extreme behaviours, but each child is so different, there is no way to say what's normal - are you worried that he may special needs? Maybe mention the situation to a health visitor or GP and see what they think?

Original poster
ohhmama · 27/07/2020 21:07

He is with a childminder but he's only there a few hours a week (all I can afford) and is so excited that he's so distracted and doesn't seem to play up as much for her.

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MissNotMrs · 27/07/2020 21:07

I'd agree a lot of frustration and tantrums at this age are down to their lack of communication. As for the hitting/biting etc you need to decide if you're going to go complete ignore and walk out the room when he does it or punish it with time out or similar

He may have learned he gets a fair bit of attention by biting/hitting. Might be why he does it?

Is he getting enough physical, outdoor exercise? He may just need to burn it off. I've spent hours upon hours with snacks and drinks in parks just letting mine burn off their energy

Original poster
ohhmama · 27/07/2020 21:08

@CeibaTree I don't suspect anything, I'm just wondering if I'm actually just a bit crap at parenting...

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Original poster
ohhmama · 27/07/2020 21:09

@MissNotMrs we spend huge amounts of time outside. We go cycling most days, we go to the park, local attractions etc. He has access to the garden whenever he wants and can ask to go out.

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Quackersandcheese3 · 27/07/2020 21:11

I think the behaviours are not unexpected . I wouldn’t be happy about all the lashing out though. Both of my kids hit me at some point but they got a bollocking . Nipped it in the bud.
Maybe try contacting health visitor for a bit of support or guidance. Is he in nursery ? The staff would probably be able to help you too.

labyrinthloafer · 27/07/2020 21:11

If he's under two I would have told mine no but wouldn't have done any 'disciplinr' at that age as too young to be productive.

None of the individual behaviours are uncommon for the age, but if it is constant that would worry me. It's a big difference if you get hit once a week or half a dozen times a day.

Do you think he's bored? Also, can he make himself understood at all?

BadgertheBodger · 27/07/2020 21:13

Mine definitely went through a (loooong!) phase of being very slappy and flat out laughing in my face when I told him off. He is big for his age and he was so rough with me, not always on purpose but sometimes yes I got a smack or a push. It is so bloody hard but I just kept saying the same stock phrases “we don’t hit” “we use kind hands” etc etc. If he hit me on purpose he went straight to time out which was in the armchair with me watching him but not talking to him. After a minute I’d say, “you hit mummy. That wasn’t kind. We use kind hands like this” then I’d stroke his arm or something. I’d ask him to say sorry as well, which he wouldn’t always.

Loads of praise for kind behaviour and try and demonstrate kind hands as much as possible. “Oh look mummy’s got teddy for a cuddle, kind hands on teddy, can you do kind hands with teddy?”

If he laughed at me I would stay really calm and turn my back or put him in timeout after a warning. He’d quite often go from laughing to raging so it was about as much fun as a fart in a spacesuit.

Basically he was pretty vile from the age of 2.3 to 2.8 and suddenly he became a much nicer human. Also he didn’t sleep. So we’ve only got one Grin

HowLongCanICallitBabyWeight · 27/07/2020 21:14

The hitting and headbutting was a hard line for me, we put down and ignore, or sit him on a step/seat and ignore, not expecting him to stay they're for any set period of time but just to break the behaviour and give it no credence. It worked a charm pretty quickly. I then asked him to say sorry, tell him it hurt and he gives me a kiss. Still get the odd random tantrum over silly things, his toast is all gone, he took his shoe off but now doesn't want his shoe off etc, but over and done with in a minute or two, distraction works best for him.
My DN on the other hand is pretty aggressive, pushes, hits, bites, other children and adults, but honestly my brother and SIL shout when he does it or make lots of fuss, I think sometimes they do it for attention tbh. Having said that DS has a lot more language than DN although a little younger, so some of it might be frustration.

Original poster
ohhmama · 27/07/2020 21:14

@labyrinthloafer I don't think he's bored, but lockdown has been tough as he's gone from socialising a lot to almost not at all. His behaviour has definitely changed since lockdown. He hardly sees anyone apart from me.

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Alabamawhirly1 · 27/07/2020 21:14

It sounds pretty normal.

If he's repeating the hitting then you've not got through to him that it's bad.

My dd hit me, I made a big deal of owww and you hurt mummy sad face, don't hit it hurts mummy. She then stopped doing it. Same with overly boisterous play and biting.

The nappy thing is pretty normal, pull ups are easier for wiggly toddlers. A friend bribes hers with food to stay still.

Like everything with toddlers the behaviour stops when you get through to them it's bad. Until then it's just a game. Just be consistent and find a tactic that's gets through to him and keep doing it.

bobloblawlawblog · 27/07/2020 21:15

I know you're getting a fair few people saying it sounds extreme/is unusual but from my experience of my son at the same age and other friends children at that age it sounds pretty much how it is at that age!

My son did all of the things you mention, the head butting and hitting especially. You do not need 'severe punishment' at that age! It's a phase. It passes. Every time he does it make sure you make it clear that he has hurt/upset you. Then you move on to a different subject. Distraction can work.

Mine is 3 now and he doesn't do any of those things anymore. My friend's two year old daughter is currently having this phase too.

It does pass!

MissNotMrs · 27/07/2020 21:15

I do mean hours though op. When mine were 2,3 and 8 I was at the park for 4 hours plus at the weekend and school holidays. 6-7 hours was common practice. Some children just need a lot physical exercise/exertion. My youngest has adhd and there's quite a difference in his needs to his brothers but all 3 needed and still need to have the chance to burn it off

Original poster
ohhmama · 27/07/2020 21:17

I think the nappy thing is made worse by the fact he's in cloth nappies so they're harder to put on a wriggly baby. Lots of poppers!

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