To have been a bit rude to the patronising man?

[Natureotter]

Im a delivery driver for a big company.
Today I parked up in a street, which is difficult as it’s hard to find somewhere in the street that doesn’t block people’s drives...anyway I drove into the street and parked on the left, no dropped curve or anything and plenty room for people to move around me etc. In fact I know all the other drivers park there too.
So I was at my van sorting through stuff and this bloke says sweetheart, I think your safer parking down a bit. I looked behind me and was astounded he thought there was a problem. A bus could get round me!

I said nah I’m good thanks. He looked really put out I didn’t pander to his expectations. It had nothing to do with him and it was safe, not in his opinion but as a professional driver I was confident of my parking decisions.
He walked away red faced.
I have a feeling he wouldn’t have said that to a bloke, but because I’m young and a bit girly looking for a delivery driver he took it upon himself to patronise me. Why can’t people mind their own business?

Struggling to see how you were rude.

IME random men LOVE to give unsolicited advice or chastisement on the street! You don't have to accept it.

I was just thinking.... what would men do if women started correcting them all the time in public?

This is such a non-event. I’m struggling to see why you would even type this.

It's hard to have an opinion when you haven't given us the full story.

Don,t think he was patronising or you were rude. Why give it headspace?

“Sweetheart”

Could he have been more condescending?!

YABU for thinking you were rude. You handled it very well, IMO.

what would men do if women started correcting them all the time in public

Maybe we should try it, sort of like women who call out the manspreading on the tube or bus

Everyday sexism.

What if headn,t said sweettheart, would you have treated this differently?

Or what if he hadn't told her she needed to park somewhere else?
Or what if it happened on a Tuesday....

Or perhaps just accept it's an example of everyday sexism.

My point is I don,t think suggesting that one would be better parking someone else is necesserily sexist. To me the only sexist bit was the term of endearment.

Maybe I’m bu when I say I don’t think he would have said it to a male colleague but I just don’t think he would have.
And I am giving the full story i haven’t missed anything out at all.

You are right. He wouldn't have said it to a man. You weren't rude at all.

@mintymabel

Why do you want to be so rude?
FYI there was nobody around.
I find standing up for myself difficult, it’s something I’m trying to practice after being somewhat of a door mat most of my life. I genuinely don’t know if I’m handling these situations right as it constantly feels uncomfortable for me to speak up.

Valid opinions welcome, but rude comments just make people feel shit

Women don't need men to make them feel patronised or put down because other women do it for them.

Sounds like you handled it well. Good on you for learning to stand up for yourself.

You were not wrong. Just a month ago I watched a man get out of his car and stop all the traffic on a tight bend so a HGV could get round the corner. Very admirable but this is a Bus route And goes to a huge stone works where HGVs travel constantly.

The HGV driver was a very petite, young, pretty blonde woman.

She did NOT need Mr Chivalrous to help her get round that corner, and you could 1000% guarantee he would not have done the same for the Six foot, hairy arsed Driver with stubble that followed a few minutes later.

H is was surely the model of politeness ! How was this rude ?
‘Sweetheart I think you’re safer not patronising me’ that’s what I would have wanted to say and even then no rudeness.

It's fascinating how we've been trained to listen to random men, or at least many of us have. I've actually had to retrain myself to stop doing it. No I don't want to smile at you for no reason, park where you suggest I do, go a different route to the one I've planned.

OP you weren't rude, unlike Mintymabel who is well known for coming onto threads just to piss off the OP.

I actually had a conversation this week when my husband asked which way I wanted to go in a walk through the park. I started saying oh I don't mind, then I corrected myself to say, let's go this way. I had to explain that my default is to be accommodating but I'm teaching myself to make my own decisions. It's just that sometimes the ingrained default answer pops out so automatically that I have to then correct it.

I know there are some people who haven't been brought up to be 'nice' in this way but they should have some empathy for those who have. Teaching yourself to be more assertive is much harder than you'd think if you just naturally grew up like that.

Also sweetheart when used in this way is not a term of endearment it's a calculated put down.

Good for you.
It was patronising.
Would he have approached a man in the same way ? Unlikely as he’d expect to be told where to go.
Don’t overanalyse it.

The sweetheart would have finished me to be honest.