Extreme anxiety over newborn

[slinkyjojee]

I posted this on the parenting board but I’ve only had two responses. I could really use some more support.

Please can someone tell me I’m not alone. I just need a bit of a handhold. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety for years but this is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. My sweet DD is 4 weeks old. While I was pregnant I had this overwhelming fear of birth and I was convinced one of us would die. The birth was actually fine and once she was here I was convinced I was going to lose her somehow. She was jaundiced and I completely freaked out. I was so sure it was going to take her away from me. She recovered just fine and from the minute we got home I became obsessed with SIDS. I don’t let her out of my sight. I hardly sleep. Everything she does completely overwhelms me with fear. She rolls her eyes back when she is sleepy or in REM sleep, sometimes she twitches a bit too and I’ve convinced myself she has some sort of lethal epilepsy. It just looks so scary when she does it and she does it often. I feel like I can’t breathe because of the anxiety. I’m worried that she sleeps too much. I’m worried about the noises she makes. I’m just so adamant something is going to take her from me I almost feel too scared to love her too much incase something happens to her. I called my HV today and she wasn’t much help, told me to call my GP. Called the GP and they have no appointments for two weeks. I haven’t eaten in two days, I can’t sleep, I have a constant lump in my throat and I’m gagging from the terror I feel right now. How do I feel better? Please tell me this will pass. I stopped my antidepressants when DD was born because I was worried about them affecting her somehow. Strangely, this is my fourth DC and I never felt like this with my first three. My last baby before her was born 8 years ago so there is a big gap. I feel like a can’t function right now, I’m such a mess. DH is back at work and I’m home alone with the children. I’m just not coping.

Please confide in your mw.
Worrying is normal to a degree - part of the new dm process. But not eating it sleeping needs talking about. No shame in asking for support op. It's your mw's job to look after you and the baby in these difficult early days.

My instinct would be to get back in touch with your HV and be very forceful about about how much you're struggling. She may not have imagined this long a wait to see a GP. Two weeks isn't acceptable. I've suffered with anxiety my whole life & been medicated for it, and the seriousness of this comes across to me very clearly from your post.

Please call midwife...health worker or gp.
Handhold here op anxiety like this is crippling and you have my sympathies.
You have created life and the responsibility does feel massive but you will make yourself ill with this worry.

Ahh gosh I totally feel you, I had this horrendous with my first born, I even planned his funeral so I was prepared , I ended up telling someone when he was 18 months and went for some help. I was offered counselling which helped as it helped me see where these feelings had manifested from . Please speak to someone you're not alone 💓

I could have written this OP I totally feel for you! Mine is three weeks old and I'm obsessing over SIDS ... I don't think it helped that I got sent home with 4 leaflets on it. I had a horrendous pregnancy and I was so convinced I wouldn't have a baby at the end of it and now he is here im so worried of something going wrong

Please talk to your HV or midwife ! Next week I am joining a group for anxiety for new mums! I'm really excited to get some help as I'm determined to enjoy my baby boy but currently the anxiety and worry is robbing me of enjoying his early weeks

@slinkyjojee though anxiety to some degree is normal it sounds like this might be more than that. You were total right to reach out to your HV and I’m sorry they were so unsupportative. Please try again - perhaps ask your husband/partner to ring the GP or HV on your behalf to verify the seriousness of the situation. You will be fine, it will pass and you will be able to move forward and enjoy this time xx do you have any family that can support you? Have you any access to any therapy sessions? I appreciate this is hard with kids let alone a new baby but counselling can really help (I’m speaking from experience) Hang on in there x

Sorry just re read and realised your health visitor was no help! Look up your local mind office . They may help more xx

Please, please speak to your midwife I had the exact same feelings as you with my 1st ds. My midwife was amazing she got me into the docs straight away and he sorted me out. My Dh also took over some of the time so I could get some much needed sleep. Take care x

@slinkyjojee hello I had this with my 3rd (gave birth 7 weeks ago) i was like this anxiety wise constantly for around 2 weeks and then it slowly started sorting itself out i have them around once a week now, my midwife and health visitor have said its Hormoanal, I'm more leaning on the social anxiety atm so will be speaking to my doctors at my 8 week appointment, just remind yourself you've done this before everything is fine, you are fine and so is baby, you need to try and eat as that really doesn't hurt with the constant worry that comes with anxiety, and constantly have water or some form of drink with you, I currently have a thread up atm that me and another girl keep each other going, your more than welcome to come along and join us on there it's just a check up on each other kind of thread I hope your okay🤗🤗 xx

Sorry to hear that you're going through this.

Just a clarification though, could you be going through withdrawal for you ADs which is making it worse? Depends on the exact medication. Did you talk to your GP about it?

You can also Google IAPT and self refer to them I believe so that's another way (albeit possibly not any quicker) to access help.

And when I say "did you talk to your GP about it" I mean did you talk to your GP before you stopped your medication?

Please ask someone to advocate on your behalf like @Lettie365 suggested and maybe even show up at A&E. I've been in your situation, massive handhold. It sounds like perhaps your body is reacting to stopping the antidepressants on top of all the postpartum hormones. I could not have functioned without mine.

It's such an anxious time with a newborn, with all the covid worries right now, there is extra anxiety.
If you feel like medication might help, then please call your GP and insist to be prescribed something or given a call back. Maybe the midwive office as still so young? Can you get one of those angelcare breathing sensor baby monitors to try to ease some anxieties?
Maybe call your local health food shop and see if they can recommend anything? I used some Ashwaghanda tablets to get myself through some hard times and they seemed to help a little.
Hope you have a good friend or family member that you can confide in and perhaps ask to help out?

I'm sorry you are going through this. When I had my daughter I had a relapse in my anxiety disorder. It was a really really scary time. It all got too much and I ended up breaking down on my midwife. It was the most scary time of my life but she was fantastic, she got me support there and then and despite it being Xmas I was in touch with the perinatal team each day and they have supported to a point where I am able to say their support changed my life.

Reach out to someone. Please.

I had anxiety very badly after my dd and SIDS was an obsessional point with me. I got some help from meds' the gp gave me and I also got an angelcare breathing monitor which at least meant i wasn't constantly staring at her little chest rising and falling.

💐please talk to someone irl. Your mum/sister/aunt/friend. You really need some one to support you. I think your stopping your meds has added to your increased anxiety and maybe you need to start your meds again? I’m sure you will get and start to feel better but I think you need some help to get there. Speak to gp/mw/Nhs 24. You need help and if hv not providing it you need someone else. Honestly stop beating yourself up. Our bodies are
Amazing and grow whole human beings! But that also plays havoc with your emotions and hormones and you might have experienced changes with other dc. Please please talk to someone TODAY. call 111 and get some support and assistance. That’s what it’s there for. 🤗

Does your GP do emergency on the day appointments? Or a telephone triage? You really need to speak to a professional and clearly can't wait 2 weeks.

If the GP is a no go then maybe call Mind and they can signpost you in the right direction.

Good luck x

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helplines/

Thank you all for taking the time to respond. I’ve called the GP back and they’ve said to call tomorrow morning to try and get a same day appointment. The anxiety is just not easing no matter what I do. I know it’s in my head but I can’t help it. I’m even finding it hard to be around DD today. Every time I look at her I feel a sense of dread. This is so hard. To answer a few questions, no, I stupidly didn’t consult the GP when I came off my meds. The ones I was taking make me very sleepy at night and I was worried that they were making baby sleepy too. I have told the GP since though and she was quite supportive of me coming off them because they are a relatively new drug and there isn’t much research about taking them when breastfeeding. I’m willing to try something else though. I have a breathing monitor and it did help at first but now I’m just so scared of the alarm actually going off! DH is home from work now and I’ve retreated to the garden with my first glass of wine since she was born. I’m just taking a minute to breathe.

That's good that you reached out, well done!

I was asking about talking to your doctor as that would be something to mention when trying to get an appointment and that could help.

You are taking steps to help yourself and that is brilliant.

I had this. Not quite as bad but I wasn't sleeping, constantly researching SIDS and picturing him dead. His first photo that everyone coos over was taken by DP immediately after he was born to prove to me that he was alive. It was awful, but for me it did get lots better after about 6 weeks. Please speak to someone. I didn't and wish I had.

Well done for calling back

Glad your dp is home and you can take a breather, perhaps an evening stroll for 30 mins when you can, might give you a bit of time to clear your mind too. If you tell the receptionist the problem, she should tell the Dr, even if the Dr does a call back. Tell her you need to urgently speak to someone about anxiety meds.
Hope you get somewhere tomorrow, I suffer with anxiety over newborns getting ill or going into screaming fits so I feel like I never feel myself till they are a year old but was never brave enough to ask if I should try some anxiety meds or not. I feel like the term pnd should be changed to post natal anxiety as I think it would help Mums ask for help more as you presume you need to feel depressed or sad to have pnd, where as I think anxiety covers it too.

Hope you get some rest tonight and the gp helps tomorrow

I had real problems with post natal depression with both my two- it started with being obsessed that they were getting enough feed and worrying about whether they had too many or too few clothes on for the weather. I had sleepless nights and would lie awake worrying but fortunately the GP and Health visitor were on it both times. I did actually need psychiatric support and antidepressants and bottle fed as a consequence but better that than the alternative of not recovering from serious mental health issues. Ask for all the medical help you can get, and hope you will recover as soon as possible

Well done for ringing back.

I don't really have any advice other than that you must tell your midwife!

I just wanted to say that I had crippling anxiety with my DD at first. Then, I realised I was going a reasonable job and that I would do anything for her so she would always be well cared for. I then started living at a 7/10 on the anxiety scale. It's much easier there. I think you'll get there with time.

When things happen I go straight back to a wreck but mostly. It's ok.

I thought that might help you see that there is another side and you will get there. But you'll get there a lot quicker if you talk to your MW or HV.