I posted this on the parenting board but I’ve only had two responses. I could really use some more support.
Please can someone tell me I’m not alone. I just need a bit of a handhold. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety for years but this is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. My sweet DD is 4 weeks old. While I was pregnant I had this overwhelming fear of birth and I was convinced one of us would die. The birth was actually fine and once she was here I was convinced I was going to lose her somehow. She was jaundiced and I completely freaked out. I was so sure it was going to take her away from me. She recovered just fine and from the minute we got home I became obsessed with SIDS. I don’t let her out of my sight. I hardly sleep. Everything she does completely overwhelms me with fear. She rolls her eyes back when she is sleepy or in REM sleep, sometimes she twitches a bit too and I’ve convinced myself she has some sort of lethal epilepsy. It just looks so scary when she does it and she does it often. I feel like I can’t breathe because of the anxiety. I’m worried that she sleeps too much. I’m worried about the noises she makes. I’m just so adamant something is going to take her from me I almost feel too scared to love her too much incase something happens to her. I called my HV today and she wasn’t much help, told me to call my GP. Called the GP and they have no appointments for two weeks. I haven’t eaten in two days, I can’t sleep, I have a constant lump in my throat and I’m gagging from the terror I feel right now. How do I feel better? Please tell me this will pass. I stopped my antidepressants when DD was born because I was worried about them affecting her somehow. Strangely, this is my fourth DC and I never felt like this with my first three. My last baby before her was born 8 years ago so there is a big gap. I feel like a can’t function right now, I’m such a mess. DH is back at work and I’m home alone with the children. I’m just not coping.