To wonder if chores should be an expectation of kids?

[veejayteekay]

Not sure if this is the right forum but tends to be more active than other spaces so feel free to suggest a different space

No agenda or judgement behind this but just genuinely curious...what are people's views on whether children should be expected to do chores round the house? Do you expect yours to? If so what age do you think is appropriate? How did you come to this view?

If you don't believe in them why not?

My eldest two sons have chores to do, they are 6 and 7. Cleaning their own rooms. Taking plates to the dishwasher. Wiping down surfaces. Carrying washing upstairs. My two year old helps tidy up the toys and uses baby wipes on furniture if I'm polishing but I don't expect him to obviously. They get pocket money each week depending on how much theyve done. they can do bigger jobs if they ask to earn extra for something they're saving up for.
I wasn't made to do any chores when I was young and I was an only child and not horrendously messy or anything (until my teenage years when my bedroom was horrible ) but we're household of seven so everyone needs to pull their weight. I also want my sons to be able to live independently and know how to use a washing machine and cook and be capable adults as some of my extended family members don't have a clue were to start with any household work

Yes, everyone should muck in and help out together.

Small children can help tidy their toys, coats and shoes away, help to put their dirty clothes in the washing basket, help load and unload the washing machine, help with the 'dusting' and all manner of other minor tasks.

Why on earth shouldn't they? Nobody should grow up believing that someone else is their skivvy.

Yes of course

Absolutely they should. It's really important that kids feel responsible and part of something bigger than themselves, mine have 'helped' since 2 years old. We don't have set chores but they are expected to help out whenever they're asked.

Don't have my own children yet but am currently expecting.

I did chores around the house as a kid and it was completely fine. It sort of gradually changed from from "hanging out with Mummy/Daddy and helping yay fun" to being asked to do certain things and there be an expectation to help.

So, when I was small it started with helping Dad wash the car, laying the table, picking weeds and helping Mum with the more fun Saturday morning chores - washing fruit from the big weekly shop, polishing the dining room table and mirrors (I loved polishing!).

Then it became washing up (pre-dishwashers), doing some hoovering, getting involved with tidying, and some of the ironing in front of Sunday evening TV. Helping Mum in the kitchen on Sat/Sun evening was less a chore and more quality time, plus I learned to cook. I fully intend to enlist my children to do the same once they are a) born, and b) big enough.

My parents worked long hours and we were very aware that helping out around the house made life easier for them. If Mum went away on a business trip we generally always tidied and cleaned the house before she came back, inc even changing her bed sheets a few times, just to make it nice for her.

My almost 2 year old helps put his toys away at the end of the day (Lego in the Lego bucket, blocks in the block bucket).

My almost 4 year old helps put her clothes in the laundry bin before she gets in the bath, takes her plate and cup to the kitchen after meals, puts her books away in the book case in her room and cuddlies in her tent that sort of thing. She helps put her and her brothers shoes and coats away when we come in from out doors. She also likes feeding the dog (supervised, obvs, and we mix the food she just puts the bowl down!)

If she does what we ask every day without being a PITA she gets a pound coin on Saturday morning. Every day she gives us grief she loses 10p of her £1.

It's brilliant because she is getting a concept of money.... she understands that things cost "X pocket money's" and that we can't have everything we see 😂

It's not chores, it's social responsibility as part of communal living. I don't expect perfection but I do encourage effort.

Definitely! My kids are chores and they’re only 4 and 2. Most of the time they do a shit job but they’re still joining in and
Contributing to the running of the house. They do things like sweep the floor , tidy toys , laundry, polishing .

Chore list

Yes absolutely, I believe kids should be taught the value of work and earning their keep.

I do think it should be balanced and appropriate for their age - I’ve seen some posts on here in the past where people have their 6 year olds practically scrubbing the floors!

It’s more about involving kids in how houses are managed - allowing them to contribute and helping out mum and dad. It teaches them to take pride in their home too - they’re helping to keep it nice.

I think it’s a real shock for kids who have never lifted a finger when they have to because they were always waited on hand and foot. Embarrassing to go to university and not know how to use a washing machine, or expecting their partners to look after them when they get into relationships because they were never shown otherwise.

I think some chores help to instil responsibility in kids. Even when they are tots from putting the toys in the box when we are finished playing, to preteen keep room tidy , dirty washing away and put away your clean things. Older then you need skills to look after yourself later in life. I think chores don’t need to be massive - wash the oven, clean the car, scrub the bathroom and do everyone’s ironing - but recognising and taking responsibility for yourself and starting to appreciate what others do for you, that’s not bad. Kids need some chores to set them up for life. But I wouldn’t over do it. They need to be kids and act like kids. They will have lots of chores to do when they leave home.

Definetly. I'm expecting my first but plan to raise similar to how I was. First helping mum out and clearing up toys then as we got older set jobs that were out responsibility. Not only is it about contributing to the house but also important to learn life skills. When I was at uni I had to show people how to work oven, cook basic food (including how to follow method on microwave meal) work the washing room, have a bit of respect for common areas.

Mine lay the table, clean up afterwards, clean the house and sort the laundry, tidy bedrooms, sort the recycling. They don't get pocket money for any of it because this is their home and they have to pitch in to keep it clean and tidy. I do pay them to wash my car though.

define what a 'chore' is OP.

I know people who expect their kids to do a lot of cleaning for entire household, gardening, childcare for younger siblings & lots of other general helping out. Can be very regimented and routine. Meanwhile, other families count 'taking their dinner plate to the kitchen' as an important daily contribution (and plenty enough).

I've tried to make sure DC know how to do stuff (they have the skills) but I don't require it; laundry especially I would rather we manage. Adult DD would literally put 3 of her own items (only those) in the machine 3x/day rather than be efficient in her washing machine habits. I'm not having that. We pay them for family chores, too. 12yo DS is very good at producing evening meals for entire family, now, has learned a lot about gardening in 2020.

When DD moans the bathroom looks grotty... she ends up cleaning it herself. I have lower standards so she has learned how to do things to her satisfaction. Like me, DC learned a lot about cooking by making things they like to eat. I sometimes ask them to watch something (like changing a car tyre) so they have some idea of process, but of course youtube videos would do for teaching skills nowadays, mostly, too.

Yes of course, and not for money. You pitch in and help out because that's what decent people do.

And no difference between boys and girls.

Plus I wanted mine to leave home able to do everything, I went to uni with some really embarrassing young men.

"Chores" are just an expectation of being a nice, considerate human being who lives in the house and therefore takes partin the general running of the house. Chucking the hoover round, putting laundry away, setting or cleaning the table etc. Sometimes get "but I didn't blah blah blah" yeah well, I didn't wear your clothes but I still washed them so you can carry mine upstairs as well as yours.

Encouraging independence, helping your family out and clearing up after yourself is not only kind but an essential part of growing up.

Otherwise I'd end up with 3 lazy sons who has their mum running around them constantly. Can't be having that can I?

They're 7,9 and 13 now

@PablosHoney that’s brilliant 😂😂

Funny isn’t it, I’ll probably get reported to the social services 😉

I've met adults who avoid certain tasks because they made to do it as kids and loathed it. I wasn't made to do chores at home growing up. I tidied my room but not much else. My mum always kept a clean and tidy home and now as an adult I like to keep a clean and tidy home because that's how I lived growing up. Not doing chores didn't effect my ability to clean my own house as an adult. If I was brought up in a messy dirty house I probably wouldn't be as tidy as an adult because it's what I would have been used to.

When you grow up in a tidy clean home it's unlikely you'll want to live in a shithole dirty mess as an adult.

Mine are 12 and 9, they lay and clear the table for evening meals, put their washing away, feed the cats and empty the dishwasher.

After some recent washing related incidents I'm going to start teaching them to do laundry just so they can understand why I get so annoyed when they complain about putting their clean clothes away. I also need to do this with DH but that's a different matter.

We all do chores, DC included.

How else do you teach children how to be independent when older? I started by asking the DC to tidy their toys when they had finished them, moving on to other chores as they got older.

DC are now 20 and 16. Both can cook, hoover, dust, do washing (start to finish, including ironing), and so on. I work FT, they are students, and we all pull our weight. In fact, DS has just gone to do some shopping for my dad.

My two are 13 and 15 have their own jobs to do and don't get paid (although work colleagues and friends keep me going about slave labour!) They do the dishes, lay tables, one is in charge of emptying bins the other in charge of brushing floors and they keep their own rooms tidy. I also expect them to take their turn walking the dog. They just do this now as part of their day. I think it's important for everyone to help out in the house

Dd is 3, tidies, lays the table, makes her bed, puts laundry away, clears the table (not knives or glass) we figure she likes doing it now so why not go with it and when she is older hopefully it will be so ingrained it’s just normal.

When you grow up in a tidy clean home it's unlikely you'll want to live in a shithole dirty mess as an adult.

My Ex would agree with you, but he expected me to do all the housework. He didn't do much in the way of chores when young, his older sisters did most of the help for their mum. And he expected me to carry on looking after him. Even when I returned to FT work after having DC, I was still expected to do everything. He also used our DC as a way of avoiding housework, by telling them to do all the chores, especially when I was at work and he was off. They told me he sat on his arse all day ordering them about.

So, just because people grow up in a clean and tidy house, it doesn't necessarily follow that they'll be happy to do the necessary chores to have a clean and tidy house as an adult. In my ex's case, he preferred to get other people to do the chores. I'm good friends with his first wife, now (long story) and she tells the same stories about him.

Yes of course DC should help out. They need to be taught how to keep their room / home tidy, how to sort & wash clothes, do the dishes and even cooking. It gives them confidence and life skills.
DC started to help out with tidy up toys from around 2... obviously with help... to
my DD (16) who expected to cook 2-3 dinner times a week. (Nope not a 3 course meal ... yet!!). Rooms needed to be tidy from around 4 with toys, 5/6 for easy reach dusting and hoover once a week.

There is this thread about growing up in a messy home... it's really interesting how this impacts on adulthood.