To think a suicidal 8 year old is a really bad and to not know where to begin.

[Bluemoonchild]

DS 8 has expressed that he feels suicidal. That life is too hard and confusing and he doesn't understand why he's even here. He also laid out a plan. He has HFA and life is harder for him. I have absolutely no idea where to even begin. Does anyone know? I feel frozen with fear for him.

Hello, I understand your fears. I have 2 children with HFA. We have been advised by the GP that you should take them straight to A&E in these circumstances for assessment by mental health nurse as it will speed the route to help.
Do you have other agencies involved?

Sorry to hear this. Mine was 8 years old when I first sought help because of suicidal thoughts. As much because I didn’t want to be fobbed off during the teen years if he went off the rails and be told “he’s a teenager”.

Choices are...
Go to/write to your GP and ask for a referral.
Find a local child psychologist (not therapist but that’s from experience and purely anecdotal).
A&E if you think he’s unsafe.

Our CAMHS webpage gives a number to ring if it's urgent but not a 999 emergency. Have you looked on yours?

Definitely see your Gp or Senco at school and request an urgent referral to CAMHS but you'll probably have to really nag at them.

I’m so sorry @Bluemoonchild I have no advice just a handhold and a squeeze

My friends ds used a really good play therapist in this situation. Via referral from gp.

Is he under a paediatrician or any other specialist? If he has made a plan of what he would do then I would definitely seek urgent help. Such an awful situation for all you, stay strong.

My son also has HFA and his recent meltdowns have him screaming why can't I just die, I don't want my life. It's scared me to death. He's also 8. Does anyone have any positive outcomes from similar things. I've been fretting about this for days and feeling awful, like I must be doing something wrong he's under paeds but last appointment was cancelled due to covid, I'll definitely be bringing it up. He's never self harmed or said an actual plan of how he would hurt himself. Day to day he isn't depressed, only when he has a meltdown does he about this.

Similar situation. My son is 11. Also "HFA" but I hate to see functioning labels because I think it denies our kids the support they need. "Oh, they're high functioning so they'll cope" is a line I never want to hear again. Yes he has lower support needs than most other autistic kids, but he still needs support. That "highly functioning" part most people see is him masking, which affects his mental health.

Anyway what helps us is focusing on his interests together. I often reassure him that while he's different from most other kids, he's just fine the way he is, and that there are others out there like him that he'll meet one day (google Autscape which started today, for example, it's running virtually because of Covid, but it's an autistic-led, sensory-friendly yearly retreat).

Also had some basic help through Barnardo's.

Sending hugs.

Minnie, it’s really common to say things like that during a meltdown, it’s scary for both of you but it’s likely to be an expression of frustration rather than actual suicidal intent. Thinking about or planning suicide outside of a meltdown is very different. I’m sure you’re not doing anything wrong, parental guilt is a powerful thing!

Thanks so much @sockonmyhead it's just awful to hear. I hope everyone gets support for their dc x

If he has a plan then that will be taken seriously. Does he have the ability to enact the plan? And if so can you remove the means? Definitely can go to A and E for mental health assessment and for you I would recommend looking at

youngminds.org.uk/find-help/feelings-and-symptoms/suicidal-feelings/ or Papyrus have a phone number you can call

papyrus-uk.org/im-worried-about-someone-where-can-we-get-help/

My friend's daughter is HFA and also became very suicidal at around 8, to the point they removed her from school for a couple of years. CAMS were great, but it did take a really long time to get a refferral and was very stressful.

But she started high school a year ago and it was a lower performing school, but one with extensive experience of HFA. She is so much happier and settled and doing really well.

Get the help you need and know that you will all work your way through it.

Lots of positive thoughts going out from me to you and your son OP. My son used to say he hates his life and wants to die it was awful. I dont know when or why but he just changed one day, and now he doesnt say that anymore. He was at the difficult age of moving up to big school and I think he just didnt know how to deal with his feelings. He said after he didnt want to die but when he said it he meant it.... we talk about how we feel more now so things dont build up. I think I was wanting to baby him alot too, not realising he's getting big as hes so much better when he has his own space to just chill out. Love and support to you x

I don't have HFA but I was a suicidal 8 year old, if your son has laid out a plan- take him to A&E for an assessment. He does need support, sadly there is such little support that it can be really hard to get the help you need so you really do need to be persistent. You are a brilliant mum for taking this seriously and trying to get your son the help he needs, it's an awful feeling at any age but at 8 years old things are just that much more confusing and scary, I really do hope you and him get the support you need very soon and he begins to feel much better.

We have gone through this. We were told to go to A + E when she starts saying it. If you aren't already in 'the system' (ie already in contact with camhs) it gets you on it or speeds things up (that was our experience anyway).
It's both terrifying and heartbreaking when they say this. I hope your little boy gets the help he needs and feels better soon.

A+E is the best option to keep him safe, but not all A+Es will have paediatric mental health cover right away. But they can refer onwards and it's usually quicker than waiting for a GP referral.

We aren't in the system. He was diagnosed at 5 and that was it really. He gets help in a social skill group at school. HFA kids seem to fall through the cracks. I just feel shell shocked. He's so young. I feel like I've failed him. I honestly didn't know children this young could be suicidal. We have the resource to go private if that's a better or faster option.

Please don’t blame yourself, obviously much easier to say that than to do it. Mental health is an issue for many children and frequently it gets dismissed, you’re listening to him and taking what’s he’s saying seriously.

If you’re at all concerned he will act on these feelings please take him to a and e or contact your gp or another source of advice immediately. The Samaritans or childline can offer support or signpost you to where you can get it.

If you’re certain he is not going to do anything tonight then please call your GP tomorrow as a starting point. There’s always a long wait for specialist support unfortunately and you may be better paying if you can and if you can find someone appropriate.

We paid for our ds, who has aspergers, to see a private paediatric psychiatrist. He was also expressing suicidal thoughts, but no plan.

Camhs in our area are non functioning and we had enough money to go private. Could you afford to see a psych privately?

I feel the high functioning term is used to make others feel ok that that person has autism. Autism is autism, yes some require more support but all need support.

My son was suicidal at 7, I kept him off school for 2 weeks and worked on his confidence, he slept in with me and didn't go for baths unsupervised. We spoke when he wanted to and I wrote down his thoughts and we chatted through them.

Im going to look into private psychiatry for him. He is not suicidal and hasn't been for a year and a half but I think it's a good idea.

He was diagnosed privately and is on the camhs wait list, where we've not moved on it for the past year.

I would beg , steal , borrow and get him a play therapist . Therapy really helps

My nephew went through this as a similar aid and is also HFA

I sadly think that childhood is much harder for them , and adulthood easier

OP have hope - get some help , pay for it if necessary
And don’t necessarily rule out medication

I wish your little boy healing and to get through this tricky time

How do I find a good play therapist?

Or should I start with the psychiatrist and then hope they make that recommendation?

Do you have any local organisations for children with ASD or special needs? Or just support groups on Facebook? You might be able to get recommendations from local parents who have similar experiences.

It's a good idea to get recommendations from other parents. I wonder if the National Autistic Society have a support group for parents. The local branches of the organisations will have.

(I think that it might be a good idea to put in brackets what HFA stands for. My son is autistic, although not as high-functioning as your own, and I didn't know what it stood for. Would hate you to miss out on advice and knowledge of what others have done because somebody misses the significance.)
No direct experiences of the kind of which you write, but it occurs to me that your son might want to talk about the philosophical aspects which he is mentioning. He is asking what is he here for? He is obviously very highly intelligent and maybe he could explore with you what the actual point of his experiences are. Everything can be put to good use and perhaps your son's role could be to help other children, in time, and perhaps, all that he is feeling might develop his awareness so that he can use this to help experts understand what autism is and how the condition makes people feel, because he is in tune, sensitive and articulate enough to express it. He might be able to help professionals to devise ways of helping those with ASD who have behaviour which can challenge because he will understand the anxieties and feelings. Maybe in time he will understand life more - because he is only young now. I wonder if it would help him to talk about all this.

I think finding a private psychologist is a good idea, and you say that you have considered it. I think that if you contacted one, but they felt that the difficulties you write about would fall outside of their remit, then they would help find a specialist who felt they had those tools to help. This has been my experience when I've done this. The National Autistic Society will have a list of therapists, I believe.