To think a suicidal 8 year old is a really bad and to not know where to begin.

[Bluemoonchild]

DS 8 has expressed that he feels suicidal. That life is too hard and confusing and he doesn't understand why he's even here. He also laid out a plan. He has HFA and life is harder for him. I have absolutely no idea where to even begin. Does anyone know? I feel frozen with fear for him.

If he has a plan, you need to take him to A&E immediately. Delaying while you get a private referral or a play therapist is an unacceptable risk IMO.

I'm a senior leader in school and would definitely respond and work on an email that discussed this. If I didn't have the answers about where to go locally. I would know people who did. Usually someone is monitoring the head's email in case of emergencies such as this or other child protection issues. I also agree with previous posters about going to a and e. Likely to be seen by someone from the mental health team straight away or peads and then mental health. Quicker route than a GP. Good luck

I am so sorry to hear that - I really understand the feeling of fear and heartbreak. I have had similar experiences with my son who also has HFA. He was diagnosed at 4 years old and, like you, we weren't in the system at all. He was at a mainstream primary and used to feel suicidal at the start of most new school years with all the changes involved. It got worse around years 5 and 6. He is now in year 7 and after a long battle with the LA we are now going through the EHCP process. We have moved him to an independent specialist school and he is like a totally different child and the happiest he has ever been. I now realise that the suicidal feelings were due to the constant overwhelm of being in an environment that was very difficult for him. Could this be the case for your son? Would you think of going down the route of applying for an EHCP? I had previously tried support groups/counsellors/play therapists, but although they helped a little, they didn't change the fundamental problem of him being in environment that he couldn't cope with. As pp have said, taking him to A and E immediately will mean that he can be seen by someone who can help him now. I'm really thinking of you both.

@mizzlestick DS is at a prep because he couldn't cope in a class of 30 but I'm not sure if maybe even this school isn't right for him. How did you know you needed a specialist school? DS is in the middle of his cohort academically but he struggles with frustration and the social side of things.

Is there someone who oversees pastoral care at his school who might be able to recommend a professional?

As an aside my son has been diagnosed with biological depression (old name clinical depression). One practitioner pushed for ASD (and certainly he has some traits but not significant) but he seemed to want DS to fit his area of research 😡

I googled local psychologists and then asked the SENCO at school if they’d heard of/come across them.
You could also try www.bps.org.uk

Throughout primary school, we never once considered a specialist school. His teachers did not see any issues at all (until year 6), as he was well behaved, did well academically and had a few friends. However, at home it was a totally different story. He started at the local mainstream secondary school last September and it was awful – he was so stressed, anxious and had suicidal thoughts, followed by complete school refusal for 4 months. It was only when it became so obvious that he couldn’t cope in a mainstream environment that we considered a specialist school, and I am just so relieved he is now there and happy.

We have also just had independent SALT and OT reports done (as evidence for the EHC Needs Assessment) which have highlighted his challenges in social communication and sensory processing. Looking at the reports I cannot believe he managed to get through primary school without any help, but he held it all inside. I think when a child with HFA has their needs clarified, understood and met, their whole world can change for the better. Without this, even with very well intentioned and caring parents and teachers, it is like there is a glass wall between them and others, which must be so isolating and scary for them.

Feel free to pm me if you would like any other information.

I hope your son is feeling better today?

Regarding therapist
I’d ask on here and I’ll also seek out some Facebook support groups
Your experience is sooo harrowing but very common - so personal recommendations from parents in the same boat will help

Just don’t blame yourself as this adds a level of pain that’s unnecessary

This is so common it’s just a bloody shame it’s such hard work to get the right support

I think it will be worth looking now at specialist independent schools because, as your son progresses, the homework load will likely increase and that will add to the pressure. A gentle environment will allow space to be. This is what I have heard from other parents who are in a situation similar to your own.