Mask shamed (disability), complain? (Some TMI)

[Maskwoes]

I've NCed for this thread as I expect the details I share will make the case highly identifiable. MNHQ can confirm I'm a member of some years.

I have several disabilities, physical and psychological. I am unable to wear a face mask because I have PTSD from sexual trauma as a young teen. I'm sorry for TMI but it's relevant to the case - I was raped and penetrated in my mouth too. Due to this nothing can cover my mouth, it's an instant panic attack.

I had to attend a hospital yesterday - minor injuries unit. I approached to book in and was instantly ordered to put on a mask, one was offered, to which I replied I was unable to do so due to a mental health condition. She fetched a nurse who asked why I was refusing to wear one, and that if I did not then I would be removed from the unit. This area is very open and very public, with other patients being seen at the side of me.

I was becoming extremely anxious at this point and explained that I have PTSD. They wanted details. I was essentially railroaded into detailing what happened as a teen. I was told to wait and then taken into a room with a doctor and another nurse. I again had to explain in detail my PTSD. I was then offered a visor type mask which I found very claustrophobic and in all honesty unbearable.

I was then triaged, assessed and treated. In total I explained everything three times, had an hour-long major panic attack in the car afterwards and have been very on edge, upset, and on the edge of more panic attacks. I had two more overnight and haven't slept, am very upset.

I'm extremely pissed off in truth and am wondering whether I should complain, through which channels, how far to push and what the outcome would likely be.

I'm posting this in AIBU as I want the brutally honest views!

Thank you for reading.

Op did you make them aware before your appointment that you couldn’t wear a mask?

If not, I think yabu.

Op did you make them aware before your appointment that you couldn’t wear a mask?

If not, I think yabu.

OP was presenting to A&E with a suspected broken hand

The whole point about A&E is that you turn up in an emergency, you don't make an appointment.

(God, I wish people would at least take the time to read the OP's posts even if they can't be arsed to read the whole thread.)

@Justpassingthroughagain

I've just re-registered with MN to post on this thread.

OP please please get the hell off of this thread now. You've gotten some great advice and the overwhelming majority of posters have understood your situation and support you.

There is however an infinite supply of total idiots who will pop on this thread and say variants of

1. don't you care about others? (WTAF - OP is exempt for very good reasons)
2. why didn't you write ahead? (It was an A&E visit)
3. why didn't you put on a sunflower lanyard? (OP was wearing one)
4. refering to you as female when you aren't (because people can't even use the very simple 'read all OPs posts button)

You will tire yourself out responding to the ignorant and stupid and it will never, ever stop.

Its called 'cancel the cheque' after one of the first threads that provoked the phenomenon of endless twats turning up saying the same stupid comment - but now its basically every single fucking thread on the site.

Take care of your mental health first and hide this thread.

Well said!

@Jellybeansincognito

Op did you make them aware before your appointment that you couldn’t wear a mask?

If not, I think yabu.

Do you phone ahead when you present to A&E with an unexpected accident or emergency? Where can I get this amazing super power of knowing exactly when and how I will injure myself before doing so?

The other factor is that if it was something physical people would be more understanding, but the ignorance around mental health is astounding.

Op did you make them aware before your appointment that you couldn’t wear a mask

Op is under absolutely no obligation to do this whatsoever. All he needs to say is that he's exempt if questioned.

@Staplemaple

The other factor is that if it was something physical people would be more understanding, but the ignorance around mental health is astounding.

Yes. Obviously if your condition is mental you should just get on with it because you aren't special

I've just read a bit more of the thread and it's truly one of the worst I've ever read on here. Makes me sick that people can say some of the stuff that's been leveled at op about rape survivors and mental health and then just change names so you don't know who these horrific people are. Posting on aibu doesn't mean you get to be a cunt to people. Wearing a mask is not more important than the mental health of someone already suffering with significant mental health problems.

Mumsnet is a fucking pit sometimes.

@Maskwoes

Hi OP I have been thinking about you today, how you have been spoken to on here is just appalling and I'm genuinely really upset by the response you've had.

I just want to check if your ok?

You should have got a letter of exemption from your GP. If you couldn't wear a mask then you should have cancelled the appointment or word a mask. They cant keep making exceptions for everybody. A line has to be drawn somewhere.
Fgs there are no letters being handed out by GPS.
It was an.emergency op could hardly predict it!
The guidelines are quite clear: you.are not required to explain.why you cannot wear a mask to anyone.

Absolutely appaling behaviour from 'the caring profession' how dare they force someone to relate trauma in front if strangers.

@ShesMadeATwatOfMePam

I've just read a bit more of the thread and it's truly one of the worst I've ever read on here. Makes me sick that people can say some of the stuff that's been leveled at op about rape survivors and mental health and then just change names so you don't know who these horrific people are. Posting on aibu doesn't mean you get to be a cunt to people. Wearing a mask is not more important than the mental health of someone already suffering with significant mental health problems.

Mumsnet is a fucking pit sometimes.

It's sad that I posted this thread expecting vile levels of vitriol and outright cess pit abuse, thankfully there's been many amazing posts. I mean I'm more than happy for people to disagree, that's life.

[quote PinkSparkleUnicorns]@Maskwoes

Hi OP I have been thinking about you today, how you have been spoken to on here is just appalling and I'm genuinely really upset by the response you've had.

I just want to check if your ok?[/quote]
Oh bless you. I'm fine. My entire childhood was a clusterfuck, the sexual assault is like 10% of it so I'm pretty resilient underneath, just cannot deal with real life confrontation, just go to pieces if that makes sense? And bless you, again.

‘ DianasLasso

Op did you make them aware before your appointment that you couldn’t wear a mask?

If not, I think yabu.

OP was presenting to A&E with a suspected broken hand

The whole point about A&E is that you turn up in an emergency, you don't make an appointment.

(God, I wish people would at least take the time to read the OP's posts even if they can't be arsed to read the whole thread.)’

That’s funny @DianasLasso because when you look at the OP it says minor injuries. Some of these units require you to make an appointment first, also... as someone has stated previously, you can’t just turn up to hospital atm without a mask. It doesn’t really matter the reasons why, it is not something allowed atm.

Yes, this thread really is representative of MN’s nasty side. The worst part is, unlike many AIBUs, the OP objectively did nothing wrong. So many people seem to think that if those with PTSD/other MH conditions put masks on all that will happen is they’ll feel a bit sad or angry or stressed, hence thinking they can just ‘choose’ to do it. The reality is being unable to breathe, flashbacks, panic attacks etc. It’s a very physical response. And there are a load of twats on the thread trying so desperately to justify their positions, likely due to their own prejudice against survivors and/or those suffering from MH conditions. “Oh, well, they have to ask why you aren’t wearing it!” “Oh, you should have worn a lanyard!” “Oh, you should have called ahead!” All answered many times already and not all that relevant or accurate to begin with.

OP, I’m very sorry this happened to you. Please do complain about how you were treated if you feel able. From one CSA survivor to another

as someone has stated previously, you can’t just turn up to hospital atm without a mask. It doesn’t really matter the reasons why, it is not something allowed atm.

For Christ’s sake.
Yes, you can, if you are exempt, which the OP is. There is nothing in government or hospital/NHS guidelines stating that those who are exempt will actually be questioned repeatedly and then forced to wear a face covering anyway - it should not have happened. Do you think they should have just refused to treat the OP? Jesus.

Fucking hell OP, how to respond to this thread?!?

You have been treated in such a manner I dont think I have the vocabulary for it! Absolutely shocking, disgusting behaviour from the hospital and the sick people on here. What makes people be vile to something that has lived through such a traumatic experience. I really do hope you're ok. I know this is off topic and sorry if this is upsetting, when I was at uni, my BF was raped and one of the reasons she didn't report it was because she didn't want to be treated differently throughout her life. She has PTSD, still no-one in her life knows and for the same reasons (except me and 1 other person know). It upsets me so much that in some terribly sad way she was right.

Please do leave this thread and if you feel you are able to take action. I think you should go via the legal route if you feel you are able to. Hopefully you concentrate on the support you have recieved on this thread and not the vile, disgusting posters.

@whattimeisitrightnow

Yes, this thread really is representative of MN’s nasty side. The worst part is, unlike many AIBUs, the OP objectively did nothing wrong. So many people seem to think that if those with PTSD/other MH conditions put masks on all that will happen is they’ll feel a bit sad or angry or stressed, hence thinking they can just ‘choose’ to do it. The reality is being unable to breathe, flashbacks, panic attacks etc. It’s a very physical response. And there are a load of twats on the thread trying so desperately to justify their positions, likely due to their own prejudice against survivors and/or those suffering from MH conditions. “Oh, well, they have to ask why you aren’t wearing it!” “Oh, you should have worn a lanyard!” “Oh, you should have called ahead!” All answered many times already and not all that relevant or accurate to begin with.

OP, I’m very sorry this happened to you. Please do complain about how you were treated if you feel able. From one CSA survivor to another

Firstly, and most importantly, I'm sorry for your CSA.

I've wrestled with posting the following because I thought it would be levelled at as bullshit, my being accused of sympathy seeking and enhancing the chance of my being even more identifiable, but your detailing of the visceral physical response has swayed me.

Within an hour of arriving home from the MIU, I was being blue-lighted to A&E with a massive panic attack that caused my blood pressure to spike very high and my heart rate to hit a sustained 190 bpm. My oxygen sats dipped to 91% and I required supplemental oxygen. It's inconclusive but a senior cardiology consultant thinks I may have suffered a silent heart attack, I'm due to have more bloods to check my troponin levels on Wednesday.

So yes, it's not "put a mask on and think happy thoughts". More than willing to scan my ECG scan for MNHQ to show I'm not talking bollocks too.

*vile to someone (sorry phone correction)

I don’t much to add, but I just wanted to dilute some of the nasty responses by saying something and making it less overwhelming.
You weren’t treated respectfully and you, regardless of Coronavirus, still have a right to respect and decency and understanding. It sounds like you’ve had a rough ride and coped better than most. It’s shit, unfair but take some pride in how much you’ve held together.
And do feedback, there needs to be progress.

I’m sorry they put you through that. It’s disgusting.

Xpost- OP you do not have to prove anything by sending in ECG scans. Please do not feel you have to prove anything to anyone. I believe you x

I’m sorry for the way you were treated in the hospital but even sorrier for some of the outrageous comments here. A little empathy goes a long way.

@Dillydallyingthrough

Fucking hell OP, how to respond to this thread?!?

You have been treated in such a manner I dont think I have the vocabulary for it! Absolutely shocking, disgusting behaviour from the hospital and the sick people on here. What makes people be vile to something that has lived through such a traumatic experience. I really do hope you're ok. I know this is off topic and sorry if this is upsetting, when I was at uni, my BF was raped and one of the reasons she didn't report it was because she didn't want to be treated differently throughout her life. She has PTSD, still no-one in her life knows and for the same reasons (except me and 1 other person know). It upsets me so much that in some terribly sad way she was right.

Please do leave this thread and if you feel you are able to take action. I think you should go via the legal route if you feel you are able to. Hopefully you concentrate on the support you have recieved on this thread and not the vile, disgusting posters.

I'm so sorry about your BF, her insight was tragically accurate.

I love MN, before I joined this site I was a complete shell of a person, one day merging into another, my lacking the clarity, the understanding and the tools to see my entire childhood of abuse for what it was. I do not exaggerate that without the kindness of people, and their selfless support, I would have committed suicide. It was following this support my diagnoses of PTSD/CPTSD/GAD/Anxiety/Depression all followed in short order. I now try to give back on threads relevant to my own experiences. There are many wonderful people here, and I prefer to focus on them than the bottom-feeders

Sadly there are a few rape apologists on this thread. Not because they have a "different opinion" like a pp said but because they are claiming rape isn't a serious act and is something survivors should just get over.

The visors really aren't that bad. I think you have to accept a visor to keep everyone safe unless that means keeping your own mental health safe apparently!

I've suffered sexual violence too, I can cope with a mask if I have to. I know I'm lucky to not get ptsd. I just don't see why the NHS staff should have to take such a risk. Bully for you that you can cope with a mask! The OP can't. I grew up being raped, have also been raped by exs including being gang raped for hours and hours. I can cope with a mask. That does not mean every rape survivor can.