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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mask shamed (disability), complain? (Some TMI)

453 replies

Maskwoes · 26/07/2020 10:18

I've NCed for this thread as I expect the details I share will make the case highly identifiable. MNHQ can confirm I'm a member of some years.

I have several disabilities, physical and psychological. I am unable to wear a face mask because I have PTSD from sexual trauma as a young teen. I'm sorry for TMI but it's relevant to the case - I was raped and penetrated in my mouth too. Due to this nothing can cover my mouth, it's an instant panic attack.

I had to attend a hospital yesterday - minor injuries unit. I approached to book in and was instantly ordered to put on a mask, one was offered, to which I replied I was unable to do so due to a mental health condition. She fetched a nurse who asked why I was refusing to wear one, and that if I did not then I would be removed from the unit. This area is very open and very public, with other patients being seen at the side of me.

I was becoming extremely anxious at this point and explained that I have PTSD. They wanted details. I was essentially railroaded into detailing what happened as a teen. I was told to wait and then taken into a room with a doctor and another nurse. I again had to explain in detail my PTSD. I was then offered a visor type mask which I found very claustrophobic and in all honesty unbearable.

I was then triaged, assessed and treated. In total I explained everything three times, had an hour-long major panic attack in the car afterwards and have been very on edge, upset, and on the edge of more panic attacks. I had two more overnight and haven't slept, am very upset.

I'm extremely pissed off in truth and am wondering whether I should complain, through which channels, how far to push and what the outcome would likely be.

I'm posting this in AIBU as I want the brutally honest views!

Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
Hercwasonaroll · 26/07/2020 15:15

I completely understand the mask being awful for you. Your treatment from the NHS was horrendous in terms of you having to justify everything repeatedly.

What type of visor was it? The plastic ones you wear around your head aren't sweaty at all if you don't have a mask. Even the ones that come right down. There needs to be a bit of compromise from you OP regarding the visors.

Cheeseislife2020 · 26/07/2020 15:16

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PinkSparkleUnicorns · 26/07/2020 15:17

Sorry I'm catching up on the thread and I am appalled at some of the replies!!! OP, please ignore the ignorance and insensitive comments.

You have a very valid reason not to wear a mask. You should not have been treated the way you were.

However, I can see from the NHS side that they need people to wear masks and visors at this time. Staff are putting their lives at risk everyday so I do sort of understand their asking to wear a visor instead.

However, it sounds like either they didn't notice how distressing you found it to wear a visor or they just didn't care. I think you need to make a complaint explaining the full situation. That you understand the need for patients to wear masks but there are exceptions and they need to educate themselves fully on the sunflower scheme.

I wonder if they would have responded differently if you informed them you were autistic?

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 26/07/2020 15:17

@Cheeseislife2020

The point of this thread was for OP to talk things through and find out what he can do about it. He actually had some really good advice and found various options as to how to proceed. He has not made any decisions yet as to what he'll do.

Yes, he's nothing "special" sadly because sadly sexual assault is so so common . Don't try to minimise his experience or trauma by debating numbers.

Well done for trying to win dick of the day on this thread, despite having some serious competition already. You're nothing special either.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 26/07/2020 15:17

The visors really aren't that bad. I think you have to accept a visor to keep everyone safe in this scenario.

I'm not the OP but I have PTSD from rape involving suffocation. I can't wear a visor either because I need it to angled so far from my face that it's pointless as a covid preventor in order to tolerate it. I also don't see how retraumatising someone meets the "keep everyone safe" brief.

Perhaps the NHS should just make a statement saying treatment is currently unavailable to anyone who can't wear a mask then. I mean that's what some people appear to be advocating. Would solve any of us "bolshy" types getting the wrong idea about a universal health service.

Cheeseislife2020 · 26/07/2020 15:19

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myrtleWilson · 26/07/2020 15:20

Where does he say he thinks he is unique? He says that if it weren't for specific aspects of his sexual assault he believes he would be able to wear a mask but he can't. You typed out your words - it is there in black and white, you think his rape is nothing 'special' I'm actually horrified someone who has experienced sexual violence as you say you have would seek to denigrate others in this way.

PinkSparkleUnicorns · 26/07/2020 15:21

@Cheeseislife2020

"I have suffered sexual violence. Obviously op thinks he is unique in his situation. I’m telling him he isn’t."

Can I just tell you that you sound like an utter cunt

Howyiz · 26/07/2020 15:22

@runbummyrun you can ring a hospital at any time and get advice. You could while on the way! You could ring while outside!
Knowing that the OP cannot wear a mask it would seem sensible to have a strategy in place for when she needs to enter any premises that requires a face mask.
I agree she shouldn't have been challenged especially in the manner in which she was challenged but it would be in her own best interests to be prepared.

Cheeseislife2020 · 26/07/2020 15:22

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FlaskMaster · 26/07/2020 15:22

Sorry to hear of your experience op, that's just terrible. Thus thread is honestly such a fucking cess pit though. The "rape apologist" comment was scraping the barrel of shitty things to say, fuck off whoever that was. I don't know the male stats but probably 90 percent of women have been sexually assaulted at some point, most of more than once, and a horrendous number first experienced this in childhood. Don't you fucking dare come on here calling anyone with a different opinion than you "rape apologists". That's fucking disgusting of you.

On the actual topic, there are so many people who can't wear a mask, for loads of different reasons, PTSD, asthma, mental health etc. Why is the advice not "if you can't wear a mask, wear a visor"? And even though this isn't the advice, tbh the advice has been shitty, delayed, contradictory and starches to fit whoever fancies a fucking picnic at Barnard fucking Castle. Why not take the initiative, and if you can't wear a mask, take a visor with you and wear that. You won't get so much shitty comments, looks, and judgements, and with any luck you also won't get covid when some other fucker coughs all over your face.

Cheeseislife2020 · 26/07/2020 15:23

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Original poster
Maskwoes · 26/07/2020 15:23

What type of visor was it? The plastic ones you wear around your head aren't sweaty at all if you don't have a mask. Even the ones that come right down. There needs to be a bit of compromise from you OP regarding the visors.

One of those you mentioned. I was so worked up and sweating at that point the visor likely exacerbated the situation rather than being responsible. The issue I have is that when you have a hulking great bloke on top of your face any replication of heat, restriction, suffocation is an instant problem.

OP posts:
FlaskMaster · 26/07/2020 15:23

*stretches. Stupid autocorrect

myrtleWilson · 26/07/2020 15:24

@Cheeseislife2020 nope to all of your assertions there cheese.

Hercwasonaroll · 26/07/2020 15:26

I also don't see how retraumatising someone meets the "keep everyone safe" brief.

So you think it's acceptable to put the staff at risk?

What do you expect?

I've suffered sexual violence too, I can cope with a mask if I have to. I know I'm lucky to not get ptsd. I just don't see why the NHS staff should have to take such a risk.

FlaskMaster · 26/07/2020 15:26

Jesus Christ op. Those that have experienced similar to you don't need to read any graphic descriptions about it. We have PTSD too. And those who you do have to explain it to just can never understand anyway. You're wasting your breath, and tbh traumatising the wrong people. It's just words until it's happened to you.

runbummyrun · 26/07/2020 15:27

@Howyiz OP is Male

hamandcheesesandwichplease · 26/07/2020 15:27

I can't believe how vile some people are being on this thread to you op Thanks

FlaskMaster · 26/07/2020 15:28

Hercwasonaroll - literally all they had to do was
"Hello sir, you need to wear a mask"
"No I can't, for medical reasons"
"Oh I'm sorry, here's a visor"

There you go. It's not hard!

lunar1 · 26/07/2020 15:29

There really needs to be an official identification card for exemption. Too many people are just buying lanyards and claiming anxiety for not wanting to wear a mask.

I'm so sorry you were put through this.

My husband isn't seeing any patients who aren't in masks as he's clinically vulnerable on three counts. But he'd have gone out of his way to make sure you were comfortable and safe in the hospital.

I hope you complain, nobody should be treated the way you were.

Original poster
Maskwoes · 26/07/2020 15:29

I don't know the male stats

It's very difficult to get male stats as so little is ever reported, sexually assaulted males are widely shunned and a running joke in the broader male community.

OP posts:
Hercwasonaroll · 26/07/2020 15:29

Oh yes I accept the repeated explanations and no privacy is absolutely awful. I don't think the visor was unreasonable however. OP needs to centre their complaint around the explanation and not the visor.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 26/07/2020 15:30

I've suffered sexual violence too, I can cope with a mask if I have to. I know I'm lucky to not get ptsd. I just don't see why the NHS staff should have to take such a risk.

So the OP should have sent home with no treatment? Is that what you're suggesting? I honestly don't know what the answer is but I do know I can't access medical treatment whilst masks are mandatory because regardless of what happens to me, I can't wear one.

Original poster
Maskwoes · 26/07/2020 15:30

@FlaskMaster

Jesus Christ op. Those that have experienced similar to you don't need to read any graphic descriptions about it. We have PTSD too. And those who you do have to explain it to just can never understand anyway. You're wasting your breath, and tbh traumatising the wrong people. It's just words until it's happened to you.
Some people clearly can't read between the lines of vaguer posts.
OP posts: