To ask if anyone has a partner/husband/wife etc...

Merryoldgoat · 2020-07-25T22:15:28+00:00

... who is happy when they’re happy and actually likes it when they enjoy themselves? Not a TAAT but god, some of these twattish (mostly) men are driving me to tears and I don’t even have to live with one. The idea he’d try to make me miserable and sabotage my enjoyment of life is truly baffling.

randomchap · 25/07/2020 23:25

I always enjoyed shared happiness with my late wife. We would celebrate each other's individual achievements together. The one I remember most is when she completed a 5k without walking at all. She was absolutely delighted and I had never been so proud of her.

I can't imagine being such a complete dickhead that I'd never celebrate with a loved one. I know it happens but I just cannot understand it. As I see it, you should work together as a couple, support each other and see each others targets as something to aim for together.

Original poster

Merryoldgoat · 25/07/2020 23:26

@randomchap

I always enjoyed shared happiness with my late wife. We would celebrate each other's individual achievements together. The one I remember most is when she completed a 5k without walking at all. She was absolutely delighted and I had never been so proud of her.

I can't imagine being such a complete dickhead that I'd never celebrate with a loved one. I know it happens but I just cannot understand it. As I see it, you should work together as a couple, support each other and see each others targets as something to aim for together.

I’m sorry you’ve lost your wife - I’d be lost without my husband.

He loves it when I go out and have fun, he loves to have fun with me and there isn’t anyone I’d rather share my life with.

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NoTeaForMe · 25/07/2020 23:27

I read threads on here and thank my lucky stars! My husband and I have been married over a decade and together nearly 2 and he has done nothing but support and encourage me, and me him. We both love and respect each other as part of a marriage and family but also as individual humans too! I was a stay at home mum because we both decided it’s what we wanted for the children. All money went into a joint account and the house is in our names. I never had to ask for money or explain anything financially to him (we’re not particularly well off, he just trusted me) and now I am back at work term time and part time he supported that decision too. I have no idea how some people go through life as part of such horrible so-called partnerships.

TooFrickinHot · 25/07/2020 23:28

🙋 I've got a nice one 🙂

NoTeaForMe · 25/07/2020 23:29

Cross posts! I have friends of my own don’t get me wrong but I love my husband and there is no-one I’d rather spend time with. I don’t understand people seem to marry for lust and a flash of love without actually liking the person. Is that it I wonder. Looking for the romance/fairytale not the friendship?

TheHighestSardine · 25/07/2020 23:33

Remember that people generally only come on to complain about their arsehole DPs, so it's a massive selection bias.

There's usually one shortish thread every month or so about how nice people's partners are, and even they often descend into "well DP was nice this ONE TIME" bitterness.

And yes, we celebrate each other's wins. We wouldn't be together otherwise.

Nonibaloni · 25/07/2020 23:34

My parents were the least romantic people on the planet. But mum says she knew dad was the one when she got an commendation at their joint work place and he was genuinely pleased for her. Later after they dating he basically shoved her into promotion. She had never experienced someone openly and genuinely supportive.
Thankfully they raised me to expect nothing less. It makes my skin crawl when i see someone’s achievements belittled.

DramaAlpaca · 25/07/2020 23:37

I've got an amazing DH. I think he'd say he's got a wonderful wife too he'd better! He's my best friend and we've been together over 30 years now.

thenightsky · 25/07/2020 23:38

Me and DH have our 40th wedding anniversary in Sept.

We've always celebrated each other's achievements. I remember one time many years ago he had to do an after dinner speech thing - talk for 10 mins on the person who has had the most positive influence on your life. He talked about me!

Original poster

Merryoldgoat · 25/07/2020 23:44

Lovely responses - thank you.

And I DO realise people come here to complain but it’s still a LOT, and a lot of responses are ‘yes, I’ve been there’ type threads.

I’d I go out and get passed I get a kids goodbye. The odd text telling me he loves me and then he’s heading to bed and that’s it. Until next morning when he gets up with the kids and does breakfast for everyone:

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Original poster

Merryoldgoat · 25/07/2020 23:44

Typo central (because Prosecco)

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peterpan765 · 25/07/2020 23:45

@thenightsky

Me and DH have our 40th wedding anniversary in Sept.

We've always celebrated each other's achievements. I remember one time many years ago he had to do an after dinner speech thing - talk for 10 mins on the person who has had the most positive influence on your life. He talked about me!

That is so amazing!

My oh and I have been together 22 years. He can be moody and a pain sometimes but 100% supports me and has my back. He probably does more housework as I work out of the house, and he's self employed.

He's an amazing dad, if anything spoils the kids too much.

Finances are shared

And he's my best friend

Original poster

Merryoldgoat · 25/07/2020 23:49

@thenightsky

Me and DH have our 40th wedding anniversary in Sept.

We've always celebrated each other's achievements. I remember one time many years ago he had to do an after dinner speech thing - talk for 10 mins on the person who has had the most positive influence on your life. He talked about me!

This is gorgeous.

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wannabeadored · 25/07/2020 23:49

7 years with my DH and I'd be lost without him, he just has a way of making me smile even when I don't want to.

Original poster

Merryoldgoat · 25/07/2020 23:55

I do also wonder if the longer you wait before having children the more likely things are to work out well.

My DH and married after 6 years and children after 8. We’d lived together 7 years first. Had relationships with each other’s families, been through bereavements, job losses, health issues etc. It all builds a picture before permanent entanglements.

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thenightsky · 26/07/2020 00:19

I do also wonder if the longer you wait before having children the more likely things are to work out well

That's a good point. We were married for 6 years before DD arrived.

BertieBotts · 26/07/2020 07:58

DH is lovely and defo happy when I'm happy.

I has DS1 when we got together so in some ways we didn't wait before having children at all! But it took us another 8 years to have DS2. Yes, I think it does help to have gone through lots of stuff together and essentially be past the honeymoon phase and have a deeper connection. I was also able to kind of "test drive" him as a father figure before we had a child together :o But OTOH when you're in a controlling relationship it's often the man pushing to have children earlier - whether consciously or not, because it's a way to control you. Also, because DS1's dad was so bad it immediately told me what I didn't want yet I was completely oblivious to this before we had DS1. I don't know what I thought would make a good father, I must have been very naive. But I won't be the only one.

I might misrepresent your stats a bit, because DS1's dad was a miserable arse and so I do sometimes post on those threads, but only because I can't believe in retrospect I wasted so much time in that relationship just believing it was normal/OK! And if the person hasn't had DC yet then I want to yell at them "Get ouuuuuuuuuuut!"

Galaxycat · 26/07/2020 08:07

@Merryoldgoat

I do also wonder if the longer you wait before having children the more likely things are to work out well.

My DH and married after 6 years and children after 8. We’d lived together 7 years first. Had relationships with each other’s families, been through bereavements, job losses, health issues etc. It all builds a picture before permanent entanglements.

@Merryoldgoat I’m inclined to agree with this.

My OH and I have been together for 9 years, lives together for most of that - mortgage for 4. Been through immediate heartbreaking family loss, family dramas, illnesses, renting/saving/budgeting, new jobs, amazing times also.
We now have a baby on the way and know each other inside and out. We have never had a major falling out and always address minor issues at the first hurdle. We always talk about what’s acceptable for example we know how we’re going to deal with a newborn/child care etc

I think people put up with a lot of shit for fear of being alone!!!

KeepingPlain · 26/07/2020 08:18

I think people put up with a lot of shit for fear of being alone!!!

Sadly I think this is true and that they don't believe they deserve better or can do better.

SimonJT · 26/07/2020 08:24

🙋🏽‍♂️ Mines amazing, shhh though, if he finds out he might get big headed. He is very kind and thoughtful, we both sometimes do things we aren’t hugely keen on as we know the other will enjoy it. He doesn’t like rugby, he hates it, but he without fail comes to every game to watch me play and he made a point of learning the rules so he knowd whats happening.

Boomclaps · 26/07/2020 08:32

I love it when DP is happy.
He’s currently really into some computer/maths algorithm weird stuff and he loves it. He’s a baker by trade but has always been into this kind of thing, and is currently doing some freelance stuff Making programmes that are used to work out probability and also does stuff for the local college working out Grade percentages, and how the grade boundaries work.

Honestly it’s all right over my head. Like I’m not interested at all usually.

But he’s so happy about it, and his enthusiasm is just bloody infectious. And I find myself asking about it because he just loves talking about it. And he will pop into the kitchen when I’m cooking and he’s so excited about a new formula and I’m just like AW yay, I love you so much I’m so pleased for you.

But if it wasn’t him, and he wasn’t so happy I would not be remotely interested 😂

Maryhadalittlejam · 26/07/2020 08:33

What a lovely thread
Been marriage over 30 years, We laugh everyday which is something we've installed in our children - life should be fun, if you're not happy, walk away

HainaultViaNewburyPark · 26/07/2020 08:33

I do also wonder if the longer you wait before having children the more likely things are to work out well

DH and I had only been together 13 months when DD was born (although we’d known each other for a couple of years before we got together). She’s now 16 and we’re still perfectly happy. If you have common ground and shared values, then I don’t think having children early on in a relationship is an issue.

Mulhollandmagoo · 26/07/2020 08:37

My husband absolutely loves it when I go out and enjoy myself....he enjoys the peace and the TV to himself 😂😂

In all seriousness, that would be a deal-breaker for me, I couldn't be with someone who was uncomfortable me going out and having fun with my friends, nor could I be with someone who I couldn't have fun and enjoy myself with

LemonFanta123 · 26/07/2020 08:44

This thread is giving me hope! I’ve been single for a little while now after a horrible relationship and I can’t wait to have what you all do!!