Page 2 | To ask if anyone has a partner/husband/wife etc...

Merryoldgoat · 2020-07-25T22:15:28+00:00

... who is happy when they’re happy and actually likes it when they enjoy themselves? Not a TAAT but god, some of these twattish (mostly) men are driving me to tears and I don’t even have to live with one. The idea he’d try to make me miserable and sabotage my enjoyment of life is truly baffling.

EatsShootsAndRuns · 26/07/2020 08:49

I do also wonder if the longer you wait before having children the more likely things are to work out well

I don't think that has anything to do with it. I was married 6 years before my daughter was born and we divorced when she was 10. Basically, once he realised what parenting was about he checked out of the relationship and into gaming.

Tinyhumansurvivalist · 26/07/2020 08:51

My now dp is amazing, if i do well he is over the moon for me. If I have a failure he is supportive and encouraging of how to improve. I adore him.

He is happy if I want to see my friends, will baby sit dd (not his child) or if she is away with my parents and I fancy having a drink he will drive me and collect me later if I needed. He doesn't have a friendship group of his own, they all dissipated when his fiancee and their child were killed followed shortly by his mum succumbing to cancer. I think they didn't know what to say and he didn't know how to be around them after. But he never stops me seeing my friends, though chooses not to spend a large amount of time with them either.

EatsShootsAndRuns · 26/07/2020 08:53

My husband is so supportive of me and will always encourage me. Yes, he can get on his soapbox on certain subjects (Brexit, NHS, education) but I've learned to close my ears to that!

ILiveInSalemsLot · 26/07/2020 09:01

My dh and I have our issues but he’s always been supportive of the things I want to do and is genuinely happy for me.
I work part time and on the days I don’t work, he often asks me what I’d been doing all day. He is always really asking ‘did you go anywhere fun or do anything exciting?’
He is happy if I say I’d taken the kids somewhere where we all had a lovely time.
He knew I was missing family abroad so he bought a return flight for me only so I could have a break and visit them for a few days while he stayed home with the kids and rearranged his work so he could do school runs and stuff for a few days. He Did it as he knew it would make me happy.

Surely, you want the people you love and care about to be happy.
You don’t need people in your life that make you miserable. It’s an awful way to live.

Fatted · 26/07/2020 09:02

I also don't agree that having kids after a long time together is necessarily guarantee of smooth sailing. We got married after 8 years together and decided to have kids after 11 years together. Granted we were in our late teens/early 20s when we met and waited until our 30s to have our kids. Having kids completely changed the dynamics of our relationship and it took a long time to work through our problems in our relationship after having kids.

Sometimes it's harder to adjust when you've been so used to having your own life, you're own money, a good job you enjoy and you don't have to compromise on anything (I'm talking about myself when I write all of this BTW).

Original poster

Merryoldgoat · 26/07/2020 09:23

@Mulhollandmagoo

My husband absolutely loves it when I go out and enjoy myself....he enjoys the peace and the TV to himself 😂😂

In all seriousness, that would be a deal-breaker for me, I couldn't be with someone who was uncomfortable me going out and having fun with my friends, nor could I be with someone who I couldn't have fun and enjoy myself with

I love it when DH says ‘it’s quiz night on X - any reason I can’t go?’ and I’m already planning my shit TV, face mask and crochet.

Obv that’s not happened for a while!!

OP posts:

Original poster

Merryoldgoat · 26/07/2020 09:25

@EatsShootsAndRuns

I do also wonder if the longer you wait before having children the more likely things are to work out well

I don't think that has anything to do with it. I was married 6 years before my daughter was born and we divorced when she was 10. Basically, once he realised what parenting was about he checked out of the relationship and into gaming.

You don’t think that it has ANYTHING to do with it?

I’m not saying it’s a ‘rule’ but surely it stands to reason that the longer you’ve been together and weathered hard times the more likely things are to work out with kids?

OP posts:

Original poster

Merryoldgoat · 26/07/2020 09:27

I also don't agree that having kids after a long time together is necessarily guarantee of smooth sailing. We got married after 8 years together and decided to have kids after 11 years together. Granted we were in our late teens/early 20s when we met and waited until our 30s to have our kids. Having kids completely changed the dynamics of our relationship and it took a long time to work through our problems in our relationship after having kids.

But you were able to work through it?

Having kids is never plain sailing but surely you’re more likely to find a way to cope together with a lot of shared experiences?

OP posts:

Sparklyring · 26/07/2020 09:31

@thenightsky That actually made me well up, how lovely. You obviously make each other very happy. We've only been married a year, together for 7 and he is an incredible man. I feel very blessed.

lynsey91 · 26/07/2020 09:33

We have been married 40 years and are very happy. Of course it makes me happy if DH is happy about something and vice versa. Pretty strange and sad relationship if that is not the case.

We don't go out with each other that often but if we do both want the other to enjoy themselves. I don't drive and DH is happy to drive me to wherever I am going and always, without fail, pick me up so I don't have to worry about buses, taxis etc.

We are best friends as well as husband and wife. I would rather spend time with him than anyone else.

We chose not to have children and I definitely think that has helped us to have such a strong and happy marriage

riotlady · 26/07/2020 09:33

Hahaha I got pregnant after 4 months with my partner! So hopefully that isn’t an indicator of future divorce, we’re very happy.

He is always so supportive and proud of me, has always encouraged me to go and have fun, especially when our daughter was a baby and he could see I needed some alone time.

AngelicInnocent · 26/07/2020 10:15

Been married 25 years this year. Oldest was born after 3 years.

Married young and everyone said it wouldn't work but I got a good one (and hopefully so did he).

Not always plain sailing but we like to make each other happy and always have each others back.

LastInTheQueue · 26/07/2020 10:43

My partner loves it when I have fun! One of his favourite things is seeing me excited and talking about things I’ve seen/done/saw on my own/with others. And I love him having fun too. We enjoy doing things together but are also aware that we are individuals and having fun separately is important for our own self confidence and well being. We are each other’s cheerleaders. Even my exH and I were like that!

However, I know what you mean about some people being the opposite. My first husband was like that - it was as if he saw me as having fun without him equating me taking something away from him. He was an utter twat and sucked the enjoyment out of most things by being like that.