AIBU - partner has forgotten to lock the back door a few times despite being remindsd

[Voltan123]

I live alone in a house that I recently bought. I’ve asked DP when he is visiting to please lock the back door before going to bed because of safety concerns for both my stuff and myself (I’m end terrace). He has forgotten once, remembered when he came up and still didn’t go back down to do it.

Another time recently, I reminded him 5 mins before going to sleep to do so and yet he still forgot (he was semi drunk which is why I reminded him). He gets defensive about being ‘told off’ about it when I mention it the next day.

It’s a uPVC door so can’t exactly put a night latch where it would automatically lock which is a shame. I think it’s a needless risk, particularly because it might be well known around that I’m a female living alone.

I would happily take on the chore of checking the back door but issue is he will read and drink and smoke/vape outside until very late (1 or 2 am) by which time I will have gone to bed. I don’t think it’s fair for me to have to stay up until he decides he’s done being outside for the simple task of locking a door nor do I want to accept he’ll just forget to lock it 40% of the time.

AIBU?

& Any tips to solve this issue?

Thanks

Lock the door with him on the outside.

He's selfish.
How hard is it to remember to lock a door and the fact that it's your door, not his, makes it worse. He's risking you and your stuff but doesn't care enough to change.

I don't know about your insurance but if i left my door unlocked it would also invalidate my home insurance.

He didn't care enough to go back and lock it when he DID remember FFS

I'd be telling him straight that he either goes back to his own place when you go to bed or he ALWAYS remembers to lock the door.

TBH, I'm really of the opinion that if he doesn't care enough to respond to your concerns when asked (as he hasn't), then I'd be telling him it's over and moving on

Wait until he is asleep , go down, lock doors and remove/hide the vape , his mobile, wallet etc .

When he can't find them , ask if he's locked the door ?

What is the point of being in a relationship with someone who cares so little about you?

For UPVC doors you can get a pad handle so a normal handle inside but a knob on the outside

She's already got one of those.

It's a bit rubbish he is annoyed at being told off rather than apologetic. Saying that, maybe if you approach it more 'what can we do so you remember next time' rather than 'I'm pissed off you did this and you need to stop doing it' maybe he will feel less like being told off and more open to trying to change. Either that or his his vaping stuff so he doesnt have to go out

I couldn’t be with someone who vaped full stop it’s a disgusting habit

@EatsShootsAndRuns

For UPVC doors you can get a pad handle so a normal handle inside but a knob on the outside

She's already got one of those.

My hubby has done this twice now over the last couple of years, and once left a downstairs front window open.
It really annoys me but he thinks I’m overreacting.
When I go to bed I want to know that all the downstairs windows are shut and the doors are locked, so that me, my children and my stuff is safe.

@BubblyBarbara

I couldn’t be with someone who vaped full stop it’s a disgusting habit

This and smoking.

No staying over. Simple.

@pinksupervisor ugh you poor thing. That smacks of male privilege.

Not cool. I hate not having the house secured . I would be really annoyed if I’d ask dp to do it and he didn’t .

Similar situation.
Getting no sleep due to having to lie awake upstairs until he's had his last cigarette ( 1-2am) so I can check the door really has me at my wits' end ( I'm also worried he'll burn the house down as by 1am he's had far too much to drink too!)

Take the key with you to bed.

He isn’t responsible enough to stay in your house then and needs to go home to his own house when you go to bed.

@tara66

Lock the door when you go to bed yourself. If he is outside - he can return to his own house. Simple.

Brilliant

@BumbleBeee69

He doesn't care enough to remember OP... think about that

True

Mine does this too OP, it drives me bananas. Mine got a lot better when someone did break in. Lucky for us it was harmless: next door’s teenage DS came home drunk, but it shocked him enough into realising it’s important.

I keep both my doors locked at all times. You should too, then if you go to bed first you know your home and property is secure.

Lock your doors! You can keep the key in the lick so there’s no fear of being trapped if there’s a fire, but you’re also safe from intruders. It’s nit only at night that robberies etc happen.

maybe if you approach it more 'what can we do so you remember next time'

No ... That's what you'd do with a child.

I'm waiting to hear that the OP's "partner" rents a room in a house share. There is (obviously) nothing wrong with renting or house sharing - but it's surprising how many single, female house owners find themselves attached to a single man very keen to move in and take over. Often with children he sees part time without a suitable home to take them to.

There's a reason men behave disrespectfully. They don't believe women should have anything of their own.

I'm waiting to hear that the OP's "partner" rents a room in a house share.

Or still lives at home with his mummy!?

He's disrespectful of your home and safety. And this is early in your relationship.

What about dumping him?

Why do so many women put up with such a lack of respect, and stay with these men?

OP, dump him. He doesn't respect you, and this will show in plenty of other ways further down the line.