Possible ADHD? Behaviour management strategies

[TheNightKing]

Posting on here for traffic.

I strongly suspect DS7 has ADHD - he is very impulsive, struggles with anger and aggression, struggles to organise himself, always losing things as he doesn’t remember what he has done with them, gets easily distracted from tasks at home (eg getting dressed, tidying up his toys). I’ve spoken to the GP and it seems like we will be waiting a while for diagnosis as he needs to be observed at school and he won’t be back until September.

I have a couple of questions - he is well behaved at school and his teacher has no concerns so is ADHD a possibility and if so, will they be able to diagnose it from the school observation? He is very bright and loves learning. When I have been able to spend time one-on-one with him doing home schooling, he loves it and really focuses.

Also, what behaviour strategies can I use to help? My biggest issues is his anger/aggression and his impulsivity.

I could have written this post op, my ds sounds exactly like yours. I flagged it with the HV, preschool and school and all said wait and see but around xmas of ds first year in school his teacher pulled me aside and said there were a few red flags, though not overwhelming. We've always known though. Currently in the assessment process but ut will probably be a long time coming with the covid situation. The teacher said that whatever is diagnosed will be on the milder end of the scale. We're considering having a private assessment done to speed the process up but it's pricey where we live.

There's a book called The Highly Sensitive Child which is good, and also How to Talk So That Kids Will Listen.

Similar situation here - DS6 is impulsive and gets angry a lot. He can’t focus or sit still, but also quite bright. He’s ok one on one but needs LOADS of attention and that’s been practically impossible during lockdown as we’re working from home and have DD3 to think about. He has some challenges socially too. Been following assessment for about 18 months with support from school. Suspect there is a combination of ADHD and high functioning autism.

Calmer Easier Happier parenting is an amazing book that has really helped us - I would really recommended. School also do a think called Back to Green which helps with anger management.

Good luck!

caffeine... it works to calm those with adhd.

Interesting that you say that Susan, I had a friend as a teen who always suspected she had adhd. She showed all the female presentation signs but had never been tested and the one thing I remember about her that always struck me as odd was that when she drank coffee, she always became sleepy.

Is it safe to administer caffeine to a 6/7 yo though? Would an occasional cup of tea be enough?

Our son was assessed for ADHD. The school’s response to the Connors test minimised his symptoms and he wasn’t diagnosed. I believe, in order to be, symptoms have to be present in more than one setting (eg home + school)

(He’s since been diagnosed, after moving schools).

@MasterOfCaffeine same thing happened to me with my ds.

My son has been assessed privately. Medication changed his life.

Op the school need to be on board for a diagnosis. They fill out forms as part of the assessment process and so will you. It can take a very long time to get through camhs but please go to your GP.

Strategy wise, I suggest you finding a local adhd support group on Facebook - they usually share life of interesting articles. Some I use for my son and some I don't. We don't raise voices here and if we need him to do something it's short and clear instructions or he will forget. My son takes medication to manage his symptoms and while he still has extreme reactions to things, it happens less and less.

Does your son have friends? How is he around them?

Lots not life

My ds is exactly the same. It's taken years of constant, solid, repetitive parenting but we're getting there. Exercise, insane amounts of exercise, are key for him. As is making sure we take the time to talk to him, explain what we expect of him, explain consequences, over and over, every time without fail. We have to "exercise him" before school, everyday. He needs to be out every day in the holidays. He's a lot of work, but it's manageable, as long as we make sure he does hard-core amounts of outdoor time.

My DS8 has been diagnosed with ADHD for over 2 years now. Life can be very difficult, so I know how tough you'll be having it.

My only question is that he has no issues at school: for diagnosis the child needs to show symptoms in more than one setting, usually home and school;; also he's very focussed when you home school, which is not what you would expect ( my DS struggled throughout lockdown even one to one and I'm a teacher).

School need to be fully supportive or diagnosis will be impossible. Good luck.

I noticed more flags with my DD aged 10 during lockdown when she struggled with organising school projects. She is very well behaved at school and is doing brilliantly academically but struggles at home with focus, always loses things, bedroom is a mess and gets very angry and upset if she gets something wrong.

I have been in a career where I frequently dealt with children with a variety of needs. I'm paying for a private Educational Psychologist assessment as its DD's last year at junior school so I'd like to know in order to put in some extra support if needed.

My son aged 7 was diagnosed only a couple of months ago during lockdown, so we're in the early stages of trying to find best strategies. We expected a long process but in his case it was so evident from both ours and the school's forms that they didn't require him to be observed and diagnosed him over the phone.

Keeping calm when he does something impulsive and silly, giving clear instructions and consequences when they aren't followed, lots of exercise, and giving cooling off periods before trying to talk to him when he's angry that seem to help here.

@namechange30000 can I ask what meds you're on? Our DC might have ADHD and the psychiatrist we had a zoom call with recently said if so, we will need meds.

We had DD under observation and accessed by a paediatrician when she was 7. But as she was ok-ish in school she was never formally diagnosed but the paediatrician definitely thought she had huge traces and maybe even ASD but too much borderline.

We were encouraged to do a parenting Programm called New Forest especially for ADHD children and it taught behaviour strategies which may work and explain while “normal ones” like reward charts are pointless.

One major factor for DD was to establish routines. If she knows what is coming she is fine. Surprises or impulsive decisions are a nightmare and school holidays are evil. Luckily her primary school had a SEN class setting and all teachers and TAs were additionally trained and could provide extra help even without the diagnosis.

She is now 13 and we discovered a new set of challenges. Self organisation is a nightmare and we just went on another set of parenting advise but the main thing still is routine and lack of knowledge about what is coming and what to expect. Home schooling was a nightmare for two/three weeks until a new routine was established and I fear that September means another month of meltdowns.

You need to forget traditional parenting strategies, they do not work, it takes a while to find what makes your child click but then It gets better.

Breaking down instructions is good. So not, “go up to your room, put away clean clothes and bring down xyz. They will most likely forgot the last two things and wonder why they went up in the first place. Or got distracted by something on the way up. It is frustrating and DH definitely had to re-learn his behaviour as well and we found out that he may have traces as well as ADHD may have a tendency of being heritable.

DD is now in a position we may think about CBT, they need to be around 12/13 for this, it doesn’t work in younger children but you can explore play therapy for example.

reluctantbrit - it is interesting what you say about the heriditary aspect of ADHD - there is an increased possibility of a child having it if a parent has it. My DH was recently diagnosed with it in his forties.

I have 3 ADHD'ers and a husband who probably has adhd. Mine are combined type. The inattentive type can be often missed at school if not combined with hyperactivity. They appear daydreamers, disorganised and can seem well behaved.

Adhd needs to be seen in 2 environments. They cant control their behaviours. He could perhaps be leaning towards asd spectrum?

I realise others have given book suggestions but mine is smart but Scattered.

Celtic, it is HIGHLY heritable. Chances of children having it when one parent does is about 50%. Chance of one parent having it when a child is diagnosed is 65%.

My DS is fine at school academically but forgets to take in things like notes and homework sometimes. He can also be easily distracted in class although currently he focuses well because he is interested and challenged by the work. You ask him to do colouring though and he becomes a different child.

His teacher was sceptical of the adhd diagnosis but when she filled in a questionnaire she scored him worse than we did! So I think she just didn't have a very good understanding of what adhd is.

I was also fine and well behaved at school but started struggling at 14/15 with the responsibility of organising my own homework, coursework etc.

Hi op. I can tell you now if your son isn't acting up in class, especially when the observer is there, they will discharge you. That's what happened to us.
There is no support for children like ours. I'm sorry I'm so negative but I've been through years of this now and having a particularly tough time since covid.

My son has traits of adhd, asd, pdd, spd, severe anxiety, phobias. Because he doesn't fit into a particularly box there is no help. Noone is interested. Even though our lives are completely ruled by my son and the challenges he faces

My son has full in adhd and is as naughty and impulsive in school as he is at home. I don't think a neurological/psychological issue can be controlled by the child in one area and not in another. He may just have traits that come out more in the home area which is less structured, so maybe look at home structures?

Dh has ADD too fwiw. DS doesn't so much have hyperactivity, or its not a major part of his behaviour.

Thanks for all the comments so far.

@Puffalicious this is my concern that they will say that he is fine at school so I’m the problem. He behaves the same way for my parents who he adores which a bit of a red flag for me. I also think he still has issues at school but not as obvious. For example, every day he comes out of school I have to check he has everything and most of the time he has forgotten/lost something. When I was home schooling him, whilst he was generally focused he would often go off on a bit of a tangent and I’d have to refocus him. I think it helps that at school, he is very active - including playing at lunch/break/PE/sports clubs, he is active for nine hours during the school week. Plus, the teacher has a visual timetable and puts instructions up on the board for each task which I think also helps him.

My ds's school has done parent workshops to show us about Zones of Regulation and I have to say it has really really helped my Ds

It's basically learning which 'zone' they are in. Red-angry/cant control themselves, green-happy, yellow-abit unsettled/fizzy. Blue-sad

So the school and me at home casually talk about how we're feeling. I could feel yellow for example after a long day and is have a cup of tea to make me feel more relaxed. Then we ask what zone Ds is in. It's making it normal and acceptable to have the red/blue/yellow moments and for him to understand it's not just him who feels that way. It's a great tool for emotional development.

It also has specific tasks to help alleviate each zone. my Ds could be given ice cubes to hold, the cold ness and them melting give him more stimulation which in turn relaxes him. It could be suggested he goes on the trampoline/run around the garden/hoover/carry washing...something to use his strength to help him feel better. He could want wrapping up in a sleeping bag or listen to some heavy metal music. He could be given a big cold carrot to crunch on. He could be given play doh or putty to squeeze. All these things and many more for each zone

It helps with emotional development and helps you and your dc to recognise how he's feeling and learn ways to de escalate before they get bad

@namechange30000 the Facebook support group is a good idea, thanks.

He seems to have lots of friends. His teachers also comment that he is “popular amongst his peers”. I know he spends most of the time playing football with his friends at break/lunch. We’ve had a couple of instance of him acting aggressively with his cousin.

People with ADD do work better within quite rigid schedules so maybe school recognise this and put the right measures in place.