Possible ADHD? Behaviour management strategies

[TheNightKing]

Posting on here for traffic.

I strongly suspect DS7 has ADHD - he is very impulsive, struggles with anger and aggression, struggles to organise himself, always losing things as he doesn’t remember what he has done with them, gets easily distracted from tasks at home (eg getting dressed, tidying up his toys). I’ve spoken to the GP and it seems like we will be waiting a while for diagnosis as he needs to be observed at school and he won’t be back until September.

I have a couple of questions - he is well behaved at school and his teacher has no concerns so is ADHD a possibility and if so, will they be able to diagnose it from the school observation? He is very bright and loves learning. When I have been able to spend time one-on-one with him doing home schooling, he loves it and really focuses.

Also, what behaviour strategies can I use to help? My biggest issues is his anger/aggression and his impulsivity.

Thanks for the book recommendations @MasterOfCaffeine and @fridaseyebrows
I actually already have How To Talk So Kids Will Listen so I will dig that out and reread it.

@reluctantbrit thanks for the parenting programme recommendation, I will definitely look into it.

@Waveysnail a friend mentioned the possibility of him being on the ASD spectrum but as he is fine socially it seems unlikely. I could obviously be wrong.

@BertieBotts that sounds similar to DS. Yes, unfortunately teachers don’t get any SEN training (I’m a teacher myself) so what we know is based off an research we have done ourselves and any training the school may have provided. I’ve learnt more about ADHD since looking into for DS than I did in five years teaching.

@puzzledpiece yes, I think rigid structure definitely helps DS. I would like to have more structure at home to help behaviour but it’s difficult to juggle as I have two other children aged 4 and 1.

Kids witness can be perfectly social skills. My middle child is dual diagnosis but definitely his asd is more promenetant however he is super social, makes friends easily and has large friendship group. He also flies off the handle easily and can flit between super organised and complete chaos

researchautism.org/but-shes-too-social-to-be-autistic-wrong/

Add mag is very good online magazine.
www.google.com/amp/s/www.additudemag.com/what-is-executive-function-disorder/amp/

I'd also take a look at executive functioning disorder.

I found the book 'the explosive child'useful

Structure structure and structure.

We have daily routines, always the same routines on a school morning, so it is just ingrained that after breakfast they clean teeth, then come straight back downstairs etc etc.
We have a list of stuff he needs in his school bag on the wall where he leaves his school bag
He sits at the same place at the table every day
He has a place for everything in his room that matters.

I ran the routine for about a year like a military sergeant and now he has it automatically and can do it without me.

It has reduced his stress level enormously and so his anger levels are much lower

If we are having a day that cant run like normal, I tell him the night before at dinner, remind him at breakfast and then it is usually fine if I keep a rough eye on things

He also now knows that he needs routines and patterns to be successful so is starting to set them up himself.

grumpy that sounds brilliant. Is there a name for this theory/ training? We have an appointment on Wed and I'd like to mention this to see if we can access it/ be given training possibly.

I hate the fact that you're feeling that they'll blame it on you OP. Even though we've had a decent experience of CAHMS there's so many stories out there that are anything but. Remember, all children show their difficult side to those they love the most as you are their safe place where they are loved and they can show their real selves. Keep that in your head.

Perhaps once the school complete the Connor's scale questionnaire, like PP have said, the score will be surprising to them as they're perhaps not aware of what exactly ADHD is and how it presents.

Frazzled I feel for you, it's truly shit.

Cutting out all colourings and additives, and a healthy diet helped DS. 7up was the only fizzy drink with no additives, but I’m not sure now. DS actually polices himself now re food. Parenting doesn’t get easier as they get older I’m afraid. More bad influences and an adhd tendency to steer towards them. ☹️

My 17-year-old ds has ADHD and dyslexia, there is a big crossover with organisational skills and time management.
My son has a very chilled personality, so although always moving I have never had any issues with his behaviour. Lots of chatty comments in school, loads and loads of forgotten homework, pencil case, shoes !
We have 10 years at this so whats worked for us is lots of exercise,a trampoline (he has only recently stepped this) An interest,my ds turned out to be very musical so is off to college to study music (he can be hyper focussed on this).
Keeping routines but also not sweating the small stuff. We have written instructions up. I also still direct him a lot to do things; this contradiction between a bright child who couldn't finish folding his clothes without getting distracted can be hard going.
Recognise he does need some extra support and that he has to work harder at certain things. Recognise how bloody fantastic he is and celebrate those things, my son is incredibly distracted, messy, forgetful, in a state of content movement . But he is also creative, kind,sociable and loves me dearly and I wouldnt change him for the world.

Considering he can behave at school but not at home, you should not be looking into labelling your kid ADHD but just look into what you should do to help him and what to improve yourself on ...

It's very easy to yell ' I think my kid has ADHD '. But much better for your kid to look into where it is going wrong. Is it something you do, something you lack, something he is not getting /getting too much off at home vs school. Food intake , sleep habits, routines . And to look into what is just his personality vs a mental disorder

I don't think it's unusual for DC to show more symptoms at home than school. At home you're observing them one to one. At school they may be in a class of 30 and there may be other kids with more obvious issues. I taught a teenager with inattentive ADHD for a couple of years and she was very quiet. I didn't always notice when she'd drifted off, unless I looked at her laptop screen and saw that she'd produced little work. I had 26 other students distracting me, some rather loud.

@Puffalicious hope this link works... www.zonesofregulation.com/learn-more-about-the-zones.html# there is an app apparently too but I've not downloaded it so I can't comment on how it is.

The workshop I went to was run by an OT who work/worked for the nhs but is paid via the school for her time in school. I have to say I've not come across this via the nhs but it may be possible?

My Ds has autism and adhd and is now in a special school. I can't recommend this zor enough. Where he would lash out for prolonged periods each day at school (sometimes very violently) he can now recognise when he's in the yellow and blue zone and he asks the staff for support then to prevent him going in the red zone and get him back in the green. It's very rare he has to be restrained now and he's much more confident and happy. He feels safe and in control

@Yeahnahmum judgemental much? You think I’ve just suddenly decided that he possibly has ADHD and that I’ve not bothered to try every parenting tip out there? I have had concerns for 2+ years and I’ve read parenting books, looked up different ways of reward/discipline. He behaves exactly the same for DH as he does for me, despite quite different parenting styles. He also behaves like this for my parents who he adores, give him plenty of one-on-one attention and do nice things with him. But of course, I must be lacking something and/or feeding him e-numbers & sugar galore and/or not providing a decent sleep routine etc

Thanks for the links @Waveysnail and @GrumpyInTheMornin I will read through these later tonight.

@Frazzled193736 I’m so sorry you’ve been through this.

@Puffalicious yes, I hope that the school will be surprised when they fill out the scale.

@feelingdizzy thanks for the tips. Yes, I’m trying hard to focus (and mention to him) the positives as it does seem to help his behaviour and helps me feel a little less at my wits end.

@Phineyj yes, when you have a class of 30 it’s difficult to pick up the smaller symptoms.

Also, not sure how relevant this is but when I’ve asked him why he has behaved badly he says that it’s like he has a thing inside him that makes him “naughty” (his word, not mine) and he can’t stop it.

That's very similar to what my Ds said when he had particularly bad episodes. He described it as 'a meteor crashing in his head'

What I found particularly difficult was the guilt and shame he very obviously felt afterwards. He was only 5/6 when he was at his worst and those feelings are god awful feelings to have. He's a very resilient little fella, he's my absolute world

Once in an episode I truly believe they can't control them selves tbh, my ds's eyes and face completely change. But like I said previously the zones of regulation have really helped

And one last thing...mine resorted to self harming to 'get the bad out of him'. It was horrendous. I think it's incredibly important to discuss what's acceptable and unacceptable behaviour but don't tell him he's naughty or bad. It's acceptable to have bad moods, adults have them too. It's the behaviour/emotional development that needs work imo

Good grief some of this really rings a bell with me (for one of my dc)

@Yeahnahmum - wow, I think you insulted just every parent with a ADHD child.

Don't you think we all have tried everything under the sun first? Don't you think we like having a child where "normal" behaviour solutions don't work and you tear your hair out trying to find one which may work? Don't you think we like hearing that our child - again - has done xyz instead of following instructions or playing nicely?

Believe me, it would have been great if I could have just put DD in time out or start a behaviour chart when she had such a meltdown that after 2 hours we were all exhausted, physically and mentally. I am sure we all love that our life is more structured and we can't just spontaniously decide to do something as it will result in mayhem.

reluctantbrit very well said. yeah You go live in the OPs shoes for a week and see what you say then.

grumpy thanks for the link, I'll look that.

@Literallynoidea sorry I've j.ust seen this. He is on xaggitin xl and a booster dose of mediknet later on in the day as he doesn't get the full time on his first tablet.