To ask perspective on DH drinking

[VoldemortsMaid]

I need perspective on this. I'll keep it short and sweet.

DH is an amazing husband and dad, easily
10/10. Does a lot of housework and we're very much a team etc.

Every Friday without fail we'll sit at the TV and watch stuff, chill out etc and he'll make his way through 7, sometimes maybe 8 beers. All around 5-6% IPA type beers.

He's never drunk, but I can tell he's tipsy. AIBU to be a bit at it? I'm not teetotal and I do drink just very rarely. I haven't said anything and I feel like a bit of a twat for thinking it but more recently I find myself judging him for it... I'm not really sure why. Am I an asshat?

Just once a week, or does he drink alcohol at other times?

It’s not a healthy habit, for sure!

Seems fine to me, if he's doing nothing wrong and it's just once a week why do you think you should raise it?

Nothing wrong with a few drinks on a weekend to unwind. If he’s pulling his weight with the chores etc and isn’t getting blind drunk every night then I can’t see any issue really. I think you’re overthinking this.

@Dozer it's usually just a weekend thing. He'll rarely almost never have anything Monday-Friday.

E.g this weekend - he'll drink a good 6/7 beers tonight, and then tomorrow we have plans with friends to walk to a pub for lunch which will involve some drinking.

I've chosen not to drink tonight because of tomorrow... I think I'm judging him for not choosing to do the same? But that makes me seem like a twat!

That's quite a lot of booze! But he only does this one night a week? How isn't he shitfaced?? He can't be that hardened a drinker if he only drinks once a week..?

My DH does this; its his only vice and before we had DC I used to do something similar. I don’t like it from a health perspective but it is what he chooses to do; it doesn’t make him behave negatively and he’s not hungover in the morning so I don’t really see what I can say against it.

Yeah I think I am just being a miserable so and so.

He really does pull his weight and does more than me around the house easily so like you say a few drinks at the weekend to wind down isn't a big deal.

I wish I could unpack why I get so judgy about it, I've no idea!

This equals a beer a day.. I don't see the issue.

@ClaraTheClownfish he's definitely not shitfaced when we go up to bed but I can see haziness in his eyes... I think that's what annoys me the most about it? I can tell he's a bit tipsy and it just annoys me... I have no idea why!!!

It's a fair binge but if it's once a week and it's not affecting the next day or the way he treats you and the kids then it probably won't hurt.

Liver might be taking a hit but hey, I'm no angel.

Same here @user1493413286

I can see logically there's no issue with it, it's once a week and it's not like he tans them quickly it's over the span of about 5/6 hours of watching TV

It just totally irrationally annoys me!

Can he still get up with the kids in the morning?

My DH doesn't drink in the week because he's a driver. He never drinks the night before working, but he likes a drink on the weekends. I don't mind as long as he can get up in the morning and carry on with a normal family day without moaning about having a bad head.

I tend not to drink much these days BTW. That's just my choice. I have one the odd time I feel like it.

I don’t think it’s too bad tbh.

I’ve found that some people simply enjoy the ‘if I can, then I will’. I’m not one of those but DH can be at times. It does annoy me on occasion but it’s not a regular thing. Some of my resentment is because I see it as a lack of self discipline but, for him, it’s a freedom he doesn’t want to rein in.

If it’s affecting your relationship I would address it but not as a confrontation with accusations but “can you help me understand why” type conversation.

If it’s really is only once a week, he’s tipsy but not legless, and he’ll be up as normal tomorrow and pulling his weight with the house/kids then you should try to let it go. From a health perspective binging isn’t ideal but it’s his choice if that’s how he wants to relax after a tough week and if it’s not affecting the household then I don’t think it’s fair to judge, although I know that’s easier said than done.

I guess it isn't too much different to someone having two a day, four nights a week, in terms of weekly units...ish.

I just know that if DH or I drank that much in one sitting, we wouldn't remember anything after about drink 4. And dh would vomit, almost guaranteed. If not on the night, then the morning after.

The 'I've had many drinks' glazed look every weekend, I think might irritate me a little actually...

Yeah it doesn't affect him in the morning and he gets up as normal and gets on with the day totally normally.

@ClaraTheClownfish I think you've hit the nail on the head. It's the glazed look when we go up to bed that says he's had a few drinks and it's every Friday it's just a bit... yeah, irritating.

It’s not “judgy” to be concerned about a binge drinking habit.

He could well be consuming over the recommended no of units, and all in one go, which will be a health risk.

My DH is same OP.

It bugs me a bit.

Not sure why.

I don’t think he has an alcohol so much as a priorities problem.

No matter how much he protests that he’s “fine” the next day, he gets a lie in for the beer, and he is quiet and lazy the next day. So not dying in bed with a hangover all day, just sub par.

And to me, that’s a bit... shit.

Because it means every weekend we get a sub par him.

It also means I make a point of not drinking so that I can compensate for his 75% attendance the next day if that makes sense. Ie I know I’ll need to get up first with the kids, make the plans, pack the bags etc etc.

@TheMurk if DH was like that I'd be having a definite conversation with him.

I was just honest with him there and told him what I'm asking on Mumsnet and he hasn't taken it badly at all, at least I don't think so.

If he was subpar in the morning I'd absolutely be having words but it's the fact he just gets up and gets on with it!

It bugs you because you have to compromise for his behaviour.

You have a reason to be pissed off.

That's a fair old amount for one sitting, which wouldn't bother me if it was on the odd occasional but every Friday I'd start worrying it was taking it's toll on his health.

I do kind of see what you mean - it's a fair amount of alcohol in one sitting and probably does count as binge drinking.

Does his personality change at all? Do you have to do things like deal with DC or anything because of his drinking?