To ask perspective on DH drinking

[VoldemortsMaid]

I need perspective on this. I'll keep it short and sweet.

DH is an amazing husband and dad, easily
10/10. Does a lot of housework and we're very much a team etc.

Every Friday without fail we'll sit at the TV and watch stuff, chill out etc and he'll make his way through 7, sometimes maybe 8 beers. All around 5-6% IPA type beers.

He's never drunk, but I can tell he's tipsy. AIBU to be a bit at it? I'm not teetotal and I do drink just very rarely. I haven't said anything and I feel like a bit of a twat for thinking it but more recently I find myself judging him for it... I'm not really sure why. Am I an asshat?

@vanillandhoney No personality change at all, he doesn't get soppy or angry or anything at all. If I'm being specific his eyes just get a little bit droopy and hazy, he's a tiny bit more talkative than usual but that's it.

I've been talking to him about it since I started this thread and he's a bit upset by what I've said & I've tried to express to him that I'm not entirely sure why it bothers me, just that it does. We've not really come to any conclusion of sorts, just trying to unpack it.

That’s the thing, I just don’t believe you can drink 8 beers and be fine the next day.

I suspect part of it is because you're not really drinking and he is. It can be a bit weird to be the sober one.

@TheMurk you're maybe right tbf! He might just hide it incredibly well and actually be feeling rough but you'd never know the next morning.

I know my DH will insist all day that he’s fine and maybe from his perspective he is fine, but my observation is that he’s quiet all day, isn’t motivated to go out and do stuff, is focused on getting food... it’s subtle but he’s definitely different and not in a better way.

It just annoys me.

Maybe I’m jealous.

Good grief! You'd hate me OP. I love me a glass or six of wine.

To be honest, I think you are BU. Let's look at the bigger picture

• he's a great husband and father
• the drinking has literally no impact on his actions, the following day or your evening
• he doesn't shirk his responsibility the following day

So the only thing that bothers you are his eyes?! Disregarding whether it's healthy (because unless you eat organic, fat and sugar free vegan diet then you're likely doing something bad for you) then why begrudge him something he enjoys? You can't change how you feel about things but you certainly can change your response to it. If you sit there every Friday getting upset about it you'll likely make it bigger than it needs to be. Why not change things up a bit instead? Make plans, move away from the sofa or even crack open a beer for you too?

The people we live with are in their safe, comfortable place too. You've said he does no harm so allow the adult male in his home to have his own freedom.

If they’re half pint cans, once a week, that’s below the recommended units per week for a man. All at once isn't ideal though, maybe spread it over the weekend? I wouldn’t be concerned at all if he was able to switch to that.

No: massive asterisk fail there. I was using * as a bullet point! Didn't seem to work so well! 😂

Or if they are 330ml bottles it’s even less - that would be a bit more than 4 pints. In my 20s and 30s I could drink that and feel absolutely fine the next day. These days, less so! People obviously have different tolerances.

I like a drink and DH isn't a big drinker at all. Slightly different to your situation in that I can happily go a few weeks without an alcoholic drink. But when I do drink I do tend to have a good few ( bottle of prosecco or wine over an evening or a few diluted spirits). My personality and behaviour doesn't change and I don't get hangovers (big capacity for booze, pretty sure it's genetic!). DH doesn't like it but can't articulate why either. We've essentially agreed that, as an adult, I'm entitled to drink what I like. Should it start to impact on our leisure time, or my behaviour is unacceptable then that's completely different.

It's good that you're trying to understand why you feel as you do. I would possibly feel that DH was being resentful/controlling if he tried to tell me what I could or couldn't do (Not suggesting you'd do this btw just giving my 'drinkers' perspective).

I agree that it is definitely binge drinking which isnt great for his health but really if it doesnt affect his mood and he is able to function fine without a hangover then it's his choice.

Thanks everyone - I'd never in a million years ask him not to drink like PP said he's an adult in his own home he can drink as much as he likes especially as the amount he does drink has absolutely no impact on us the next day.

I think I am just a miserable sod! He appreciated me telling him though and asked if it was a big enough issue that he needs to stop drinking as he would have, so I think that says a lot. I'd never ask him to though.

Making this thread helped and hearing others opinion etc and knowing I'm not the only one really helped! So thanks to everyone for commenting

Eh most "IPA" type beers come in 330ml coke can sized bottles/cans 7-8 of those is 4-4.5 pints barely fuck all once a week.