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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that DD didn't get invited to 2 kids parties which were yesturday

52 replies

AliciaMum · 30/09/2007 16:39

Went to pick DD (5) up from school Friday afternoon and all the mums were talking about this childs party which was yesturday. I wasn't in conversation with the mums but was standing next to them and could hear what they were saying.

They were thanking the mum for the invite and most said they would be there.

Then I heard one of the mums saying she was going to the boys party. Apparantly there were two parties the same day so the mum chose the boys (both kids in DD's class).

When my DD came out from the class she looked upset and said that all the kids had been invited to either one or both of the kids parties (how true this is I don't know).

I am so annoyed she wasn't invited to at least one of the parties. I personally hate kids parties and couldn't give a hoot if I ever went to one again - but my DD loves going to parties and getting all dressed up.

AIBU to feel gutted about this? I felt reallu upset about it.

OP posts:
Jacaranda · 30/09/2007 16:41

I think it's only natural to get upset for your daughter about this but I think it's something that happens and unfortuately you have to learn to get on with it as sad as it seems.

gemmiegoatlegs · 30/09/2007 16:41

i have a ds the similar age and he always talks about "everyone" doing things. i doubt this is always the case. i know most parties only have a few kids invited...no parent in their right mind would invite the whole class. don't stress about it - next time it will be your dd who is invited

Desiderata · 30/09/2007 16:42

Ah

Not unreasonable at all, Alicia. I would be as gutted as a wet fish, for you and for your dd.

What's the background here? Are these 'yummy mummies' who (perhaps quite rightly) you don't rub shoulders with, or has dd been experiencing any troubles with her class-mates?

zubb · 30/09/2007 16:43

unless kids invite the whole class some kids will get left out. Often the child chooses the invitees, and pick those they played with that day.
Ds1 (5) hasn't been invited to some parties - it's the way it goes.
Is she close to either of the kids?

Original poster
AliciaMum · 30/09/2007 16:46

I don't think she is particularly friendly with either child as in she only plays with them now and again.

There seems to be quite a clique of mums that all stand together and chat and meet up before the end of the school day. Some speak to me only when it suits. Lets just say I am not part of any clique with mums - I just go and pick up DD and leave, I might say hello or smile, make small talk but that is it.

Can't think of any other reason why TBH.

OP posts:
pointydog · 30/09/2007 16:46

normal reaction is to feel sad and hurt on behalf of your child, so not unreasonable.

But it is not uncommon at all, so best just to show some sympathy to dd but them smile andgloss over it. It's rarely intentional.

Easywriter · 30/09/2007 16:46

I don't think you're being unreasonable but I am aware that I am potentially about to do the same thing as has been done to you.

DD's are at pre-school and I have enough difficulty getting them to admit they even go there let alone tell me who their friends are!!

Consequently, I'm going to have to trust them to remember all their friends when we send out invitations to their birthday in about 3 weeks time. They will be 4, they clearly are not going to remember everyone and I don't know even half of the parents.

Could it be as simple as that in your case too!

glitterchick · 30/09/2007 16:46

I can completely understand how you and your DD feel. It is really hard on you both. Did every other child in the class get invited or just some. After learning a very hard lesson when my DS was starting out in school (we wound up inviting 33 children 2 his 4th b'day - WAAAAAAAAY TOO MANY). For the birthdays that followed we sliced it down to about 5 from his class but party included handful of neighbours & cousins. 15 max go to our parties now. I don't think you're being unreasonable but not every child gets invited to every party or do they in your DDs class? Its hard I know.

Original poster
AliciaMum · 30/09/2007 16:49

glitterchick - no idea who was invited TBH. According to my DD she was the only one that wasn't .

OP posts:
zubb · 30/09/2007 16:50

if they are not close friends then it's very understandable that she wasn't invited.
Have you had a party? Ds1 had one when he turned 5 and I set a limit of 6 friends, so he understands all about not everyone being able to go to every party.

glitterchick · 30/09/2007 16:50

Just thinking....if some children from your DDs class were not being invited I think mother should have been more tactful i.e. (a) discreetly ask teacher to hand out invites or (b) give invites to relevant mothers outside school. That's what I do - no-one gets offended.

Original poster
AliciaMum · 30/09/2007 16:52

glitter - I agree- she should have been more discreet but she was openly talking about it and the other mother (the boys).

OP posts:
zubb · 30/09/2007 16:52

when ds1 doesn't get invited I am always really pleased! No need to go and get a present, and arrange my day around it.

glitterchick · 30/09/2007 16:52

Whan is your DDs b'day?

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 30/09/2007 16:52

DS had his sports day cancelled due to the poor weather in the summer.

Neither DH or I could go to the new date.

He came out of school and laid it on with a trowel that he was the only child in YR1 whose parents were a no show. I offered to go to the HN and apologise, he quickly retracted his statement.

Children do know which buttons to press. IMO.

Original poster
AliciaMum · 30/09/2007 16:53

zubb - yes I did have a joint party for DD with 2 of her classmates and we invited ALL of the class (not all came).

OP posts:
BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 30/09/2007 16:53

HM even.

juuule · 30/09/2007 16:54

You'll get used to it. Not all children can invite all the class so some get left out. You might want to invite the whole class for your dd party or you might not. My children just invite their friends and it's usually their friends who invite them, though not always. Don't make a big deal of it. Your dd will be invited to some parties and not others.

glitterchick · 30/09/2007 16:56

Ok - I'm out of ideas here only to say that mothers of these children are a shower of utter bitches for excluding your child and would be disgusted if I were you. Sniff.

Original poster
AliciaMum · 30/09/2007 16:59

zubb - my DH said the same thing about not getting the invite - he said thank goodness we don't have to buy a present and hang around all day for the party to start .

OP posts:
zubb · 30/09/2007 17:00

Yes, I always look on the positive side!

Desiderata · 30/09/2007 17:10

I agree that not every child can or will be invited to every party.

But bloody rude, all the same, to discuss parties in front of other mum's whose children might not have been invited.

Discretion is the key of life ..

scienceteacher · 30/09/2007 17:11

I would be relieved

zubb · 30/09/2007 17:16

but desiderate - why is it rude to discuss it in front of other mums?
If there is a party in ds1 class the mums often ask each other if their kids have been invited so that they can share lifts - as far as I know no-one gets upset when their kids haven't been.

Original poster
AliciaMum · 30/09/2007 17:18

I personally thinks it rude to openly discuss it knowing one or more of the mums (of the kids not invited) are standing next to them.

OP posts:
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