Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to be annoyed that DD didn't get invited to 2 kids parties which were yesturday

52 replies

AliciaMum · 30/09/2007 16:39

Went to pick DD (5) up from school Friday afternoon and all the mums were talking about this childs party which was yesturday. I wasn't in conversation with the mums but was standing next to them and could hear what they were saying.

They were thanking the mum for the invite and most said they would be there.

Then I heard one of the mums saying she was going to the boys party. Apparantly there were two parties the same day so the mum chose the boys (both kids in DD's class).

When my DD came out from the class she looked upset and said that all the kids had been invited to either one or both of the kids parties (how true this is I don't know).

I am so annoyed she wasn't invited to at least one of the parties. I personally hate kids parties and couldn't give a hoot if I ever went to one again - but my DD loves going to parties and getting all dressed up.

AIBU to feel gutted about this? I felt reallu upset about it.

OP posts:

zubb · 30/09/2007 17:21

I suppose I just don't get why this is something to be upset about.

juuule · 30/09/2007 17:23

Me neither. Some children are invited to a party. This time it's not Aliciamum's dd. Next time it might be. Nothing to get upset about there as far as I can see.

themildmanneredjanitor · 30/09/2007 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LIZS · 30/09/2007 17:34

I agree it's not polite to talk in front of the uninvited but kids do unfortunately vene when their mums are more discreet. Your dd and you will get used to sometimes being included , sometimes not, it is very unlikely to be just her no matter what she says. You just have to try not to take it personally for sake.

LIZS · 30/09/2007 17:34

for her sake

morningpaper · 30/09/2007 17:35

I don't think it is rude at all

It's just PRACTICAL

People put FAR too much emphasis on children's parties

5 year old's don't care that much and if they do, you need to put them right, otherwise they are going to get upset about every party forever

Not being invited to a party isn't a personal snub - it's just practical!

They are 5! Don't take it personally!

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 30/09/2007 17:38

TMJ

Cracking post.

WanderingTrolley · 30/09/2007 17:42

Agree with tmmj.

Earlier in the thread you said "I just go and pick up DD and leave, I might say hello or smile, make small talk but that is it."

There is a chance you may be coming across as unfriendly and aloof.

I'm not saying I think you are unfriendly - just that you may come across that way to the other mums.

FWIW I chat to anyone in the playground, whether they like it or not.

Original poster

AliciaMum · 30/09/2007 17:53

Regardless about the friendly or not issue it is not about me though is it? its about a 5 year old that is upset she is (so she says) is the only one that hasn't been invited. Whether or not the Mums in question Like me or not is not the point.

I will say hello or smile to/at anyone -however I am more often than not usually late in picking up DD so just turn up and go - whereas some of the other mums meet up about 3pm for a chat.

OP posts:

andiem · 30/09/2007 17:56

also agree with tmmj fab post

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 30/09/2007 17:58

This would be a good opportunity to give your DD a life lesson, not everything will go your way in life.

Original poster

AliciaMum · 30/09/2007 17:59

tmmj - I have made an effort to talk to the other mums and they do smile at me and say hello etc but they just carry on chatting in their own little clique - I have tried to join in their conversations but it is bloody hard work - like pulling teeth.

OP posts:

themildmanneredjanitor · 30/09/2007 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cluelessnchaos · 30/09/2007 18:10

YANBU, but not much you can do about it, when we had just moved dd2 had been at a playgroup for only a few weeks when everyone else in the room was handed an invite(there were only 7 at the playgroup inc birthday girl and dd2) I was furios, on the other hand the first day dd1 started at the new school there was an invite in her tray cos the class had known she was going to start and the mum thought it a great opportunity to get to know everyone.

One of these women I still speak to and socialise with.

kookaburra · 30/09/2007 18:13

Aliciamum - I do feel for you. A similar happened to DS1 when he was probably about 5. (I was very upset on his behalf, but did not show it.) My way of handling it was to tell him that was a good thing, because tomorrow we were going to somewhere (can't remember where - just decided there & then), and after a while he had fogotten about the party, luckily at 5 they forget easily. It did not seem the right time to talk to him about taking it philosophically. Later after the event, we did talk about reasons why people could not be alays invited to parties, and he seemed fine about it.

erniesmama · 30/09/2007 18:39

I really know how you feel on this one AliciaMum, but I think you have to develop a thick skin as kid's parties can be hideously political (often unintentionally). The mums probably haven't got a clue that they are upsetting you / your daughter, but just are a bit wrapped up in themselves. I remember one time when DS1 was the only one left out of a party invite and I felt rotten, and to be fair the mum realised. But she didn't help matters by bellowing "I didn't even know he existed!!" across the playground ...

unknownrebelbang · 30/09/2007 19:28

Do you think both of the mums got together and planned who they were going to invite between the two of them, and purposely left your DD out?

Do you think all the mums knew who had and who hadn't been invited to each of the parties?

And yes, I remember the first time DS1 came out of school and hadn't been invited to a party - he was devastated and it was heartrending to see him so upset, but that's life.

unknownrebelbang · 30/09/2007 19:31

And I agree with tmmj's post about cliques.

Lorayn · 30/09/2007 19:36

It isnt unreasonable to be upset for her, but people have numbers unfortunately, I am doing a halloween party for DD and have told her she can invite ten friends, I have also suggested she invite all girls as she only likes one boy (her 'boyfriend' of the minute).

In her class she has chosen eight girls to invite and in the other class, 2 girls (that were in her class last year) Some of the children she has invited I coerced her into, because she was invited to their birthdays, it really is a mine field when trying to arrange it, I also would have been happier with more children than 10, but thought at least with ten there will be quite a few people not invited.

I doubt either parent purposely left your daughter out, anymore so than I have done with my DD's.

crayon · 30/09/2007 19:45

It is hard on your daughter, but it is so hard not to leave someone out when you are organising a party. Plus it is so difficult to find out who their friends are. DS1 and DS2 claim to play with 'no-one' at school/nursery, eat 'nothing' for lunch and do 'nothing' all day. So, you can imagine that getting a party list together is like pulling teeth and I expect that your daughter was accidentally missed off the list.

Lorayn · 30/09/2007 19:47

Also, if you actually want to get to know these other mums the easiest way is a playdate, invite one of their children over for tea, they are likely to feel they have to repay the invite, it's much easier to talk to one parent during pickup/drop off after tea than in a 'clique' at the school.

DD started her school after xmas in year 1 (now in yr2), we had just moved towns, these children had been to parent and toddlers, playgroup and reception together before DD came along. There are also quite a few of them with older siblings that go to the same school, I dont see why, if I wasnt really going to make an effort, these parents should, after knowing each other for at least 3 years.

SoMuchToBits · 30/09/2007 19:50

It is probably unintentional that your dd has been left out of both parties - I expect both mums didn't necessarily get together and discuss who was invited to which, etc. However, I can still understand why you (and your dd) might be upset. I think it is quite difficult with playground groups tbh. I have found the best policy is to talk to absolutely everybody if you can. I have always done this, and although a few people really don't want to know, the majority will at least pass the time of day. I have made a particular effort to speak to new parents who don't already know people, and I know that several of them have really appreciated this.

I think the party issue gets easier as they get older, too. When ds was 5 (in reception) we did invite the whole class, because they were all fairly new and hadn't really settled down with particular friends, so it would have been difficult to exclude anyone. In year 1 he had a better idea who his friends were, so we invited fewer, and this year (year2), he has a close bunch of a few friends, so we are only having 8. I don't think anyone will be offended, and most children at this age are having much smaller parties with just a few close friends.

Having said all this, I think the best way to move forwards is to stress to your dd that it doesn't matter too much, as the people whose parties she wasn't invited to aren't her close friends, and she probably will get invitations from the friends she plays with a lot. I suppose this is harder if your child (like mine) has a few close friends rather than being in a huge gang, but she will probably see the point. Anyway, it's still early in the school year, so she may be invited to plenty more parties yet!

Vikkin · 30/09/2007 19:57

This happened to my dd recently. I don't expect her to be invited to every party (especially things like, say, bowling party which costs about £8 per child), but I had expected her to be invited to this particular one.
What was really rich was then some of the other mums were discussing where the venue was and how best to get there - the mum who was holding the party told them, in my earshot "ask vikkin, she knows where it is and where to park" and I found myself advising other mums how to take their kids to a party that my dd wasn't invited to. Have I got MUG stamped on my forehead or something?
For the sake of the children, I shall rise above it. Luckily, I am in a position where I can invite the whole class to my dd's party in a couple of months. Hope no more than 15-18 can come tho!!

cat64 · 30/09/2007 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

islandofsodor · 30/09/2007 22:55

I went for a cuppa with a group of mums last week in between harvest festival and pick up time.

We discussed dd's party, one mum and twins who were invited, the other mums had children who were not invited.

Twins mum then talked about a party to whom her children had been invited, my dd had not been invited.

I don;t think it was rude at all. Dd was able to chose 10 children out of a class 1f 14 girls 5 boys.

We often talk about parties and see who is going to which one in the playground but no-one gets upset. MAny of us can't do the whole class thing and quite frankly, I wouldn;t want to.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread