AIBU to hate family holidays?

[fishnchips1987]

The stress, the packing, the travelling, someone always gets moody, the passive aggressiveness that comes with said moodiness, the expectations which always turn out to be dissapointments, the strange smells, the homesickness, missing home comforts and my cats. Just me? Everyone I know seems to be excited at the thought of them, whereas I dread them. This quote sums it up perfectly for me:

"Travelling is a brutality. It forces you to trust strangers and to lose sight of all that familiar comfort of home and friends. You are completely off balance" Cesare Pavese

Am I alone??

Going away with your in-laws or parents to a caravan is not a holiday.

It could be described as an experience.

You are doing this for your DC. You are taking one for the team. Do not expect it to be at all pleasurable; view it as something you need to do.

I really hope one day you have disposable income and can have a holiday. An actual holiday is a thing of beauty and wonder.

I am going easy tomorrow. I am stressed beyond belief. My teens are lounging around with friends eating pizza while I get everything sorted and DH is working from home, shouting into the phone and being beyond stressed.

I may be about to start on the gin

What you describe op is not a holiday.

I find packing for the UK difficult, because you don't know what the weather is going to be like. Abroad is much easier. I think because you aren't paying for it, ypu feel that you've got to be the navigator. We make it clear what we each want out of the holiday and what our expectations are. If we can't accommodate each other, then we don't go.

I have quietly managed to dissuade my husband from holidays like this, thank goodness.

As much as my in laws are lovely people, it just wouldn't be relaxing at all I want to fit around our own schedules, not be up at 7 because that's brother in law's timetable. I want to be able to slob around minus makeup in pjs at 11am some days if I want without feeling judged for being lazy or worrying about holding others up, or make an impulse decision to eat out rather than be back for dinner at a set time. Equally, I want to be able to parent without worrying about how I am viewed, or decide what to watch on tv at night without negotiations. Selfish, but we can only get away for one holiday a year so it has to be a good one.

For me, those things trump potential babysitters anytime.

Holidays visiting family - lovely! Holidays away with family - recipe for stress and resentment.

go to Orlando as something

The OP has already said she has zero disposable income and so needs to either accept this free holiday or not go, so suggesting a £10k trip instead is hardly helpful!

10 years ago I made the mistake of going on a weekend away with my PIL and MIL. It was H's aunt (mother's side) 60th birthday. I had been ill with a bad cold for the week before - usually I would have told H to go on his own, but his uncle had paid for our plane tickets and the villa we would be staying at with about 10 members of the family, so H told me I'd have to go...

The first night, after 12 hours of travelling, H and a few members of the family (not all of them, which is important) stayed up all night drinking...in the room that was directly below our bedroom. I got zero sleep, H finally came to bed at 9am. At 10am, FIL expected us to go for a day out...with the uncle, who had been up all night drinking and hadn't gone to bed at all, driving. Not being an idiot, I refused. H was unconscious in bed, I actually couldn't wake him up. I was seriously worried that he had alcohol poisoning, that's how drunk he was. He didn't wake up until 3pm, didn't get out of bed until 7pm that night. We weren't the only ones in the party who hadn't gone on the day trip.

10 years later FIL still hasn't 'forgiven' me for 'my bad behaviour' on that trip, and because I refused to apologise...to him. I was 41 at the time.

I will never ever go on a trip with extended family again.

Oh and I actually ended up in hospital the following week with double pneumonia. FIL didn't care.

I changed my vote to YANBU, when I saw it was a caravan with the in laws.
If you are still going you have to bombproof the experience as much as possible.
Insist in advance to your DH that you will carve out chunks of alone time. Walks with just your DH and kids. A meal or two with just them. or let the in-laws watch the kids. Plan what you'd like to do nearby as much as you can, get up early and go. There will still be time for the inlaws and having an escape will take the pressure off. Make sure DH is onboard.
Packing. Lists are your friends. Get the invidual bags laid out weeks before... work out what everyone needs and wash it, pack it or get them to pack it almost a week in advance. Much less stressful, they can wear old yuk clothes up to departure. Have a shared bag to for all the other junk, and pack that well before too. Make some travel packs for the kids with a few treats, an audio book you'd all like to listen to. Best of luck.

same shit, different roof...

when the kids were at the bickering stage - 2-10 in our case, holidays were not "non-stop fun" shall we say.

We found the way round this WAS to take the in-laws with us as they managed to diffuse things a bit and would watch them so we could escape for a few hours. The kids just remember stuff like when grandpa made a sandcastle sooooo big a seagull landed on it and gran fell into the moat when she went to shoo it away.

@zafferana

go to Orlando as something

The OP has already said she has zero disposable income and so needs to either accept this free holiday or not go, so suggesting a £10k trip instead is hardly helpful!

I meant we go to Orlando as something to do for everyone. I wasn't suggesting she went.

I detest the prep and packing and unpacking most of all. Especially for a camping/glamping/self catering break. It's just hideous and takes me a full day, usually while the husband is working and the kids are in front of a screen as their 'help' would just prolong things. Really really hate this part.

Depends where you go, what you do and who with. They can be heaven or hell.

But I agree that traveling is usually horrible and other beds uncomfortable. But it's the only way to see new things and have new cultural experiences. It's also a break from routine that makes you appreciate your home more!

A holiday in a caravan with anybody is my idea of hell. I hate caravans. Give me a tent or a hotel any day!

Your option doesn’t sound ideal but your kids will probably enjoy it so I would just ride it out.

I don’t mind holidays but it’s not something I would every prioritise or hugely look forward to. When you’ve got a wide range of ages for your children it’s never easy finding something they would all want to do, and while we could afford the expense I would much rather spend the money on something else.

Hahaha a lot of your responses are making me laugh! I'm glad I'm not alone in disliking extended family holidays

@AriettyHomily

Your first post - totally disagree, love holidays.

Your update - fuck that for a game of soldiers, free or not that is not a holiday!

This!

And the strange smells. Charcoal smell transports me back to East Africa. Fish sauce and I'm in Thailand. But caravan, IL smells? No ta, I'd be home with the cats too.

Best times of my life. But never ever holidayed with parents or IL's.
My DC are the same gender and close in age so easy to suit everyone.

I hate holidays! I'm such a home body. I find travelling tiring too. Luckily DH is the same. Children all grown up and love travelling.
I very definitely would not have liked a caravan holiday with the inlaws!!

It’s never a holiday for me.

Everyone else relaxes. I just have to cook and clean but in a different place. So we’ve stopped going.

I like to travel. Backpack (yes with the kids, I’ve done it with them on my own, it’s great). But since I met Dh he just wants to sit on his arse in a rented place somewhere and drink for a week while I keep it all tidy and he gets a rest from work. It’s my idea of hell. He can sit and do that at home for free. So it depends on the sort of holiday.

What on earth is stressful about packing? Get a case, chuck stuff in it and lock it, job done. I do think that there are so many people on these pages who find the simplest tasks stressful. Before the pot shots start, I have children, now grown up, and spent a lot of time packing, on occasion with half an hour's notice.

I would never have gone away with my in-laws, ever !!!

Travelling can be stressful, but being organised help. Also, having the right state of mind (unpredictable stuff may happen: c'est la vie)

I have good family holidays with my DH and DCs. Lack of sleep can make things stressful, do we pace ourselves and take it easy.
A bit more tricky with grandparents, but we make it work by not being too ambitious/unrealistic in what we plan. And only doing simple things that everyone (including me, the organiser!) actually enjoys.
I'm a seasoned traveller, and I do enjoy the organising aspect, so that helps.

Could be worse - it could be a tent.

Are you sharing a caravan? Easy way not to be asked again - have noisy sex every night. Or just very van-shaking.

Is no holiday better than a shared one?

@Bluetrews25

Could be worse - it could be a tent.

Are you sharing a caravan? Easy way not to be asked again - have noisy sex every night. Or just very van-shaking.

Is no holiday better than a shared one?

😂😂😂😂

Jesus, a tent with my in-laws though. No thank you. They would say the same thing btw. I love my in-laws.