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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to hate family holidays?

74 replies

fishnchips1987 · 23/07/2020 22:25

The stress, the packing, the travelling, someone always gets moody, the passive aggressiveness that comes with said moodiness, the expectations which always turn out to be dissapointments, the strange smells, the homesickness, missing home comforts and my cats. Just me? Everyone I know seems to be excited at the thought of them, whereas I dread them. This quote sums it up perfectly for me:

"Travelling is a brutality. It forces you to trust strangers and to lose sight of all that familiar comfort of home and friends. You are completely off balance" Cesare Pavese

Am I alone??

OP posts:
thebear1 · 24/07/2020 09:16

I think it depends on age of children, temperament and location of holiday. Whilst some lovely memories are made we often experience some moments like you have described. Max we can do is 7 days.

Phineyj · 24/07/2020 09:20

I think my Dad feels like you and he certainly ruined a few family holidays! I don't mind holidaying with extended family as they take DD off me now and again. But it's much better to have your own accommodation.

clarepetal · 24/07/2020 09:23

Totally agreed. We do it every year with the in laws, dp loves it, I hate it.

SwedishK · 24/07/2020 09:25

I would hate staying in a caravan with the IL's too. That doesn't sound nice at all and I'd rather stay at home and do day trips.

I have found that the older the kids has been getting the shorter our holidays have also got. These days we'd rather do 4-5 days in NYC/Dubai/Paris whatever than 2 weeks in a villa in Southern Europe somewhere. Which for me has definitely been enough to feel like I've had a holiday and appreciated being back home again when we land. The kids would get bored now if we were away for too long.

LakieLady · 24/07/2020 09:26

There are very few people that I could spend a week with without them getting on my tits, and I'm not related to any of them!

Possibly one of my SILs and her husband, but they holiday at her ILS's place on the coast or her SIL's in Cyprus, so it's never likely to happen.

Runnerduck34 · 24/07/2020 09:35

The packing and organisation beforehand is stressful, but i generally love it when im there! We all take turns in picking an activity for the day, restaurant to eat at etc
Going with extended family might be stressful but as you say a free holiday is not to be sniffed at, we always have to pay for ours ourselves and it can cause a bit of financial stress tbh.
Try and set time with just your dh and dc then separate shared time with extended family, dont feel you have to do everything together.

Batmanandbobbin · 24/07/2020 09:41

I hates abroad - UK trips. Bliss!!! Less panic about sun cream, I know it’ll probably rain and my ginger son hates the sun so I know he’s less likely to meltdown the more north I go.

WooleyJ123 · 24/07/2020 09:43

Meh I love family holidays, always did big ones as a child with wider family and still do now, there were 21 of us last year for Disney and it was a great experience, my parents and the wider family, next year will be the ILs turn

SantaClaritaDiet · 24/07/2020 09:50

Holidays are my favourite time of the year, and something I would gladly save for all year round.
If your childhood caravan is all you can get, or being stuck with IL, just make the most of it.

Packing doesn't need to be stressful: make a list early, pack a week before and keep list of what you need until the last minute.
You are going to use the same list every year anyway! Packing early means you are up-to-date with laundry and don't have to stress for last minute essentials .

Give yourself more time than you think you need so no one is rushed/grumpy/fighting

What do you need to feel more comfortable there? Pillow, blackout curtains?

Don't have expectations, just a plan that would cover every day in the worst weather. And do what you feel like doing on the day.

You know how your parents or IL work, so you know how to either avoid them most of the day, or put up with their quirks.

It doesn't sound ideal, but you can still have a great time.

CoffeeAndWhisky · 24/07/2020 10:01

With seperate accommodation, it is fine for us. We get on really well with my mum (who tends to bring a friend along for company) and have holidayed with her before. There were some growing pains but now it is great fun (much to my surprise!).

In-laws would be a bit of stretch but if we ever have children, I'd consider it. They are nice enough but we have nothing in common and thus nothing to talk about. However, MIL insists on talking at all times, inevitably bringing up a topic that will end in a massive fight. I guess with children that need to be entertained, we would have a better chance to bridge the silence or play the "oh, little Jaqueline-Amanda-Phoenix needs a nap/play, better pop to the bedroom/beach with her"-card. I mean, there is reason we bring the dogs almost every time we see them, now. Such separation-anxious creatures, you understand...

LEELULUMPKIN · 24/07/2020 10:06

YABVVU

"The World is a book and those who do not travel read only one page"
St Augustine.

Jakey056 · 24/07/2020 10:08

Don't go! Do day trips and hang out with pizza. Sounds hellish. Of course they are awful. I'd hate to go off with my in laws. You have the choice to be happy and not go! :-)

AnnaSW1 · 24/07/2020 11:16

Oh god I take it back. A holiday with the in laws would be horrible. I wouldn't be able to do that.

SantaClaritaDiet · 24/07/2020 12:10

if you use the caravan as a base to do day trips in a different part of the country, what's not to like

dayslikethese1 · 24/07/2020 13:37

Are you staying in the caravan with your ILs? I like my ILs but I wouldn't like that. How long is the holiday for?

AllesAusLiebe · 24/07/2020 13:43

Playing devil's advocate here. . . DH, DS(1 at the time) and my parents went on holiday last year. It was awful. We didn't stay in a caravan, we stayed in a reasonably priced hotel with lots of family friendly facilities.

I spent the whole two weeks thinking of all the other things I could have spent the money on that maybe would have brought me at least a few moments of happiness! Wink

YANBU, OP. i love(d) holidays with DH, but the moment you add kids and relatives into the mix, it's a whole different story.

corythatwas · 24/07/2020 15:13

Leelulumpkin

a) that really, really doesn't sound like St Augustine

b) does anyone say you have to read the book whilst confined in a small space with your parents and ILs?

I have loved travelling with children, I had some enjoyable trips with parents though I wouldn't want to make a habit of it as an adult, I loved my ILs- but a holiday with them and my parents is the worst stuff of nightmares. Too many people pulling in different directions.

zafferana · 24/07/2020 15:45

In a caravan with your DC and your DPs or ILs? YANBU - that sounds like hell! I'd rather stay at home too.

SoundsLikeAPyramidScheme · 24/07/2020 15:47

I must admit, whilst I enjoy holidaying with the kids, I have had some of my best times away with just DH. It's much less stressful and more relaxing imo.

I like both though and wouldn't ever not go with the kids.

vanillandhoney · 24/07/2020 15:48

Why are you going away with your in-laws? That would be my idea of hell - and I really get along with mine!

I imagine a holiday just with DH and DC would be far more enjoyable.

AlwaysCheddar · 24/07/2020 15:51

You’re going in holiday to a caravan. That’s your first problem!

You’re going to a confined space with you in laws. OMG, just no!

lazylinguist · 24/07/2020 15:53

YABU! I love family holidays, including ones with my parents or PIL. I like researching and booking them, I like travelling to them, I don't even mind packing for them! We always self-cater and sometimes ho with my parents and dsis and her family- it's fab and not at all stressful.

I'm 48 and the only holiday I ever remember not liking was one a couple of years ago on a small, cramped canal boat in Lancashire with my PIL and our large dog, in damp, chilly, muddy October. Never again.

SuePerb · 24/07/2020 16:00

I love holidays, but one of my children always gets massively homesick and just wants to be at home!

I do think it's possible to build up the expectations of a family holiday, plus the huge expense, and in that case it could be a let down. Generally you've just moved the family with all its issues and interrelationships to a different location.

Lipz · 24/07/2020 16:06

Going to a caravan with inlaws and parents is not a holiday.

I loooove holidays, go to Orlando as something for everyone, always something different to do. I love packing to go, all the lovely new clothes and shoes and new everything. I love doing a list and checking it off.

Getting to airport early and getting rid of bags and having a lovely breakfast and then looking around duty free. Love getting to my destination, kicking off my travelling clothes and getting into shorts and flip flops and heading out. Love doing different things each day, be it active or take it easy, great shopping, great restaurants, every food you can think of. Great supermarkets to pick up bits and pieces. Love the great weather, never too hot and if it is, into a shop or restaurant to cool off in the lovely air con that is everywhere.

I never miss home, all my kids still come with us and the oldest is just 20. We've been doing it since they were very young and never once did we have a bad holiday.

Maybe you need to go on a holiday that suits your needs and leave the inlaws and parents behind, I can't imagine sitting in a caravan with them is much fun.

Hatethesephrases · 24/07/2020 16:08

It depends on your family and / or in-laws. But YANBU. Generally, big, extended family holidays are often just stressful IME.