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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Gardener still sending me messages

65 replies

PumpkinP · 23/07/2020 11:11

I posted a little while back about having a gardener come to my house who kept sending me messages. I found him on Facebook after advertising on a local page for a gardener (after I found out he actually travelled almost 10 miles by public transport so hardly local!)

anyway when I first spoke to him he was sending a lot of messages. All garden related but I remember thinking from then he came across as abit full on. I badly needed the garden done so I just decided to let him come to do it. He came and did the garden and at some point couldn’t finish cutting the hedge due to heavy rain. Which I told him was totally fine and I didn’t mind, it was only a really small bit at the side of the house, there was also some other overgrown areas but I told him I could manage those myself, as I had only wanted the hedge cut.
When he told me how far he had travelled I was abit surprised as it didn’t seem worth it for the amount paid as he would have needed to pay for the train, and he also came with a friend that helped him (not sure if he paid him.)

After he left he kept sending me a lot of messages again, apologising for not completing it saying he would come back to do the rest. I told him that it was fine and there was no need. But he has began messaging me repeatedly asking if he can come back and do it! I’ve already told him that it’s been done but it hasn’t stopped the constant messages. He even had the cheek to say he can come back to finish it for £15?! So trying to charge me for something he didn’t finish. I’ve been ignoring his messages as I thought that was the best thing, however on Sunday he messaged me at 10 o’clock at night asking me if I’m a single mum?! (My children were here when he came) I did not respond to this. But yesterday he messaged me on Facebook asking AGAIN if he come back and finish it, (bare in mind I’ve already told him it’s been done) again I don’t respond but woke up to another message today telling me he can come round and do it he’s seriously creeping me out now and I’m scared to block him incase he just shows up! Aibu to just continue to ignore him?

OP posts:

Cupoftchaiagain · 23/07/2020 12:07

He’s harassing you and those messages are overly personal and intrusive. One message to say stop contacting me or I will report to police for harrassment. Then follow through if he contacts again. Very creepy and worrying.

1moremum · 23/07/2020 12:09

@PumpkinP

I don’t know if this is relevant and don’t mean to sound rude or offensive (I have a daughter with autism) but I got the impression that he perhaps has some kind of learning disability, I thought that when he came and when I spoke to him in person, I got that impression, which is one of the reasons I’m finding it difficult to be rude . I’m going to have to be blunt though as it can’t continue.

I have to tell people to be quite blunt with my son. He does not understand social niceties and euphemisms and subtlety. He likely never will. This gardener sounds way beyond my sons level of learning disability, so I understand you don't want to be mean. But that doesn't do anyone any good. Tell him there is no more work, you don't want to hear from him, he has no reason to contact you in any way. Be blunt, screen shot that it was received, then block. if he comes round, tell him you are going to call the police, and follow through if that doesn't run him off.

ItsNotNormalLove · 23/07/2020 12:10

This sounds exactly like someone who used to have an allotment next to ours a couple of years ago. He used to take the train from a different place to get to it, and had learning disabilities. His name began with O. Would be interested to know if it could be the same person (unlikely I'm sure!)

Bluntness100 · 23/07/2020 12:10

Op text back and say thank you no, I do not wish it competed and we have concluded our contract,

And leave it there.

I had a similar problem years ago, I used to travel to a main land EU city for work and was picked up by a taxi driver, on talking he asked if I came over often and I said yes, he gave me his card and said to call him if I needed a taxi which was very helpful and avoided queueing.

I used him about three times and on the third time, he was taking me from the airport to my hotel and he started saying he was my personal driver. I just kind of laughed but thought it was weird so didn’t plan to use him again.

The next morning I booked my taxi with the hotel to go to the office , and I got a call as I was getting ready from the hotel manager, who asked me if I had a personal driver coming to get me, I said no I’d booked with the hotel but I was a bit worried about a driver who picked me up yesterday who I’d used a couple of times.

He then said, well there is a man here claiming to be your personal driver and demanding we get you, security is dealing with him, can I ask you not to come down until we confirm it’s safe, the police are on their way and we will remove him from the premises. I was completely and utterly stunned. He’d obviously turned up so early to make sure I was still there.

I didn’t go down until they called me back and I never saw him again, but it was totally weird as fuck and Really quite disturbing.

MinnieJackson · 23/07/2020 12:14

On God, I can't believe he's still messaging you! I would send one final message saying 'I no longer require any gardening work done, and have no intention of having any in the future, I won't be responding to further messages'
Didn't he ask to go to your mum's house when you said you were going there?

Sharkerr · 23/07/2020 12:16

Is there a chance he fancies you?

Is there a chance the pope is catholic?

OP you have GOT to be assertive here.

Send one final message from another phone saying ‘this is OP’s husband: we no longer require your gardening services so please stop messaging her, thanks.’

IntermittentParps · 23/07/2020 12:17

You don't need to be rude, OP, just firm and clear (they're not the same thing!)
I like a pp's message: 'I will not be employing you further. Your questions are inappropriate. Do not contact me again. Any further communication from you would be harassment and I will report it as such.'
Although actually now I look at it I'd leave out 'Your questions are inappropriate.'

Trika · 23/07/2020 12:19

Be firm, send him a message not to contact you again, block him, if he turns up at your house call the police.

fflelp · 23/07/2020 12:20

Just say "I do not require any more gardening services from you. Please do not contact me again".
Then block him on everything. Blocking is a powerful tool. Block on phone. Block on WhatsApp. Block on facebook. Job done.

Ginkypig · 23/07/2020 12:40

@fflelp

Just say "I do not require any more gardening services from you. Please do not contact me again". Then block him on everything. Blocking is a powerful tool. Block on phone. Block on WhatsApp. Block on facebook. Job done.

I remember your last thread and you were told the same thing then as you are being now. He either doesn't understand because of something like autism (of course we can't know that) in which case he needs it told to him clearly and simply so he understands my sdd is similar and that's not you being horrible. Or he is deliberately ignoring you because he is dodgy as fuck in which case he needs a simple clear message he can't ignore without showing he is a dodgy fucker.

You must send him a clear short simple message that can not be argued with or give him the opportunity to claim he misunderstood.

Just like the above quote.
I personally wouldn't block him on my phone (would on everything else)
But only so I could see what contact he is making.

I would then if it doesn't stop or if he try's to turn up go to the police.

CucumberTree · 23/07/2020 12:40

I think replying “my partner has taken over the garden now, I don’t need any further services” is a good safe cop out, not that you should have to do that!

Iloveyoutothefridgeandback · 23/07/2020 12:42

Send another message and say

"DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN"

If you receive anymore messages after this then contact the police

Toilenstripes · 23/07/2020 12:42

cuntryclub
As if that makes a difference

Don’t be ridiculous. I wasn’t implying it did, just speculating on the reasons for his lack of boundaries.

cuntryclub · 23/07/2020 12:46

@Toilenstripes

cuntryclub As if that makes a difference

Don’t be ridiculous. I wasn’t implying it did, just speculating on the reasons for his lack of boundaries.

You said 'maybe he gets drunk and sends text messages' with no indication of what you meant yet you are calling me ridiculous for not knowing what exactly you meant?

Ok. Perfect sense there.

Ginkypig · 23/07/2020 12:47

@IntermittentParps

You don't need to be rude, OP, just firm and clear (they're not the same thing!) I like a pp's message: 'I will not be employing you further. Your questions are inappropriate. Do not contact me again. Any further communication from you would be harassment and I will report it as such.' Although actually now I look at it I'd leave out 'Your questions are inappropriate.'

This is another version of a clear message. Plus parps is right being firm and clear are not the same as being rude and it is a valuable lesson for anyone to learn but especially women who are quite often the ones who are pressured (by inappropriate people or situations) and through social conditioning have been made to feel them asking for their needs are being rude!

You could take a mix of them or similar messages on here to come up with something you feel ok to send.

JinglingHellsBells · 23/07/2020 12:49

Is his name Mellors

Idontbelieveit12 · 23/07/2020 12:50

I would tell him to stop messaging you. Then if he carries on phone the police and hopefully they will go and speak to him.

oakleaffy · 23/07/2020 12:52

@PumpkinP
My goodness...He does sound way too full on.
A TRAIN???
Asking you if you are a Single parent?

Just no.

I'd reply saying ''My Husband is cutting the hedge, thank you.''

I have invented ''Partners'' in the past, and it really helped.

oakleaffy · 23/07/2020 12:54

Is his name Mellors grin

Oh gawd!

pennysea · 23/07/2020 12:59

Could you even ask a friend to text from their number and pretend to be your partner? They could say they are unhappy with the messages he's been sending to you and ask him to back off.

Purplepie78 · 23/07/2020 13:05

What @atalune said. Tell him it’s all sorted and then block him on everything.

GeorgiaWeLoveYou · 23/07/2020 13:09

As pps have said:

Send a clear final text: 'I do not require any more gardening services from you. Please do not contact me again'.
Block him and his business on everything.
Call the police if he turns up at your house and do not engage with him.

Lottapianos · 23/07/2020 13:16

Those messages are really unprofessional and just plain gross actually. I agree with others - one final message to say you do not need his services, and he shouldn't contact you again, then block him

Yellowc · 23/07/2020 13:18

Yeah you're going to need to spell it out very clearly "I don't need anymore gardening services, please don't contact me again"

formerbabe · 23/07/2020 13:20

If I was you, I'd get a man you know to call him from your phone saying he's your husband and thanks for the offer but you don't need his services anymore.

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