To find this friend's comments irritating or am I just too sensitive ?

[EvePolastri938]

I don't mind being told if i'm overly sensitive as I can take things personally sometimes.

We were talking about dating, she's married and I hadn't yet met the right person, and she told me, "I don't think you've got any confidence, have you." which isn't true and also a little patronising.
Then however, she went on to say, "I'VE got the confidence to do X Y and Z"

We went running together, she is faster than me so I told her to not worry about waiting for me and to go on ahead. She got annoyed and said, "Well what's the point of running together then ?"
Everybody runs at different paces, and she kept stopping and turning round when I wasn't right behind her, I couldn't keep up, and she hasn't asked me to go since.

She will just refer to my large breasts in front of other people which I find odd and intrusive, as I don't really talk about them myself, and I can't imagine guys doing that about each others' anatomy in front of other people.

She said i'm 'rubbish at planning stuff' and that she is too, even though i'm very frequently trying to organise stuff.
On NYE she had said she was just staying in when I asked if she wanted to go out, I ended up staying in too then ended up seeing pictures of her on Facebook with a friend on a night out, I asked her and she said it had been a 'last minute thing'.

As I have said I take stuff personally, these are just some examples, I find her quite irritating and patronising. She seems to think that because i'm quieter or whatever that it's ok to do that.

She sounds horrible and jealous of you. Not sure I would consider someone like that a friend

Nah! She sounds like a shit friend.

Some people keep a friend around who they like to feel superior too. You’re that friend to her op... ditch her.

I used to be very good at running and would come high positions in races but I haven't done it properly since last year, though I want to get back into it.
Anyway she's now doing very well with hers which is great, she started after me, and i've noticed that if she's running with another friend or whatever she'll write that they ran at a' steady pace' or something, implying that they are slower because of the friend.

She doesn't sound like a very nice person.
Constantly making remarks at you to make herself feel better.
I would be looking for another friend or I would tell her outright that she is a bitch and you aren't going to stand for being spoken to like that anymore.

She's acting like a jealous bitchy teenage girl

Another thing was that I made the effort to go and see her in hospital 20 miles away after she had an operation. When there she made some remark of 'How I know public transport better than anyone' because I don't drive. Not even in terms of asking me to get to a place by transport, but in a sarcy way.

She seems to have the life she wanted, marriage, money, bought a house, good career etc. And i'm pleased for her if that's what she wants, I don't really have those goals. I can't think of why she would be jealous or want something that I have, but who knows, maybe she resents the freedom I have.

Turn it around. If you knew a friend was feeling crap about themselves based on untrue/unfair comments from someone what would you say to them?

Do you think she behaving like you’d expect a friend to be? Would you do those things?

If your answer to any of those is no then she’s not your friend really, is she?

May I ask WHY you are friend with her at all?
I find her quite irritating and patronising it sounds like she is to you, so why bother? You put up with irritating work colleagues because you have to, family members to a point but "friends"?

This relationship is bringing nothing to you, just move on and find friends that you actually spend a good time with. No one is perfect, but this is not working for you.

No, I don't think I would. I can recognise when some friends are lacking in confidence in dating and I try to tell them/encourage them to feel more confident but saying stuff like that,no I doubt it.

She sounds like a dick.

Bin her off. She's one of those people who put others down to get kicks / make themselves feel superior.
Get rid asap. She's not adding anything positive to your life

Why are you even investing in this woman? What's good about this 'friendship'?

Thanks, the hard thing with this situation and others is that there are many times when they can be really nice. I know she is insecure about her looks/being flat-chested, which she's told me, but she seems to be better in herself now.
We are just very different in terms of lifestyles too. She would rather die than be seen in B and M or anything that's not 'fancy' whereas I like bargains plus i'm on a lower income.
Not saying my way is better, we are just different.
She's part of a friendship group, I think I should distance myself and not be afraid to challenge her remarks if she makes any more.

I find I'm often puzzled these days, because quite a few people on mumsnet appear to have friends they don't like or date people they don't like, and who aren't very nice! Her comments are not nice at all, I can't think why you'd want to hang around with someone who makes horrid remarks or says something about your bust.

I see a lot less of her now. Her husband is often very grumpy and moreso than he used to be. If I see him he will barely crack a smile and doesn't make any effort with conversation. Don't know if it's an issue with me or something else but i'm past caring really.
Anyway I will no longer make effort outside the friendship group, I haven't seen her for 2 months as it is.

I have trouble in general with friendships and knowing who my true friends are and understanding boundaries.

If she's in your group, just see her in the group and don't seek any one to one friendship from her, she's just not quite your type of person.

She sounds horrible. Have you posted about her before?

Yeah, I posted late last year I think it was or start of this year with some other things.
I'm having a bit of a friendship crisis but I think it's probably just me being sensitive, I don't think it's possible that I happen to have a couple of friends who aren't real friends and maybe 2/3 real ones so I wonder if it's just me.
I just have boundary issues like I said so maybe i'm allowing people to treat me this way without realising.

To me, she sounds like someone who is very blunt and unafraid of stating her opinions, including on you. Obviously, you're there and I'm not, but on the surface most of these comments would make me roll my eyes or retort back. But then, I'm comfortable doing that and would expect any friend who behaves this way to expect to get as good as they give.

But that doesn't mean it works for you or that you have to be friends with someone who has a different approach to you.

Also, I tend to agree re the running thing - the mistake there was going running when you're at such different levels. I don't exercise with people who are going to want to go much faster/slower/harder etc than me as what's the fun in that?

That's a good point, but at the same time I think why do friends need to talk to each other like that ?

It's true re the running thing, but she knew already before we went that I would be slower, I told her, and so I don't understand why she gets annoyed that I don't match her exact pace. Surely she can understand that people don't need to/are not always able to run side by side at identical paces ?

She sounds like a dick, I wouldn’t bother with her personally

How on earth is she your friend? I have a lifelong enemy that trears me better than that.

*treats

She doesn’t sound like a very good friend, I would see her in the friendship circle but wouldn’t make an effort individually with her.