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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find this friend's comments irritating or am I just too sensitive ?

34 replies

EvePolastri938 · 23/07/2020 09:45

I don't mind being told if i'm overly sensitive as I can take things personally sometimes.

We were talking about dating, she's married and I hadn't yet met the right person, and she told me, "I don't think you've got any confidence, have you." which isn't true and also a little patronising.
Then however, she went on to say, "I'VE got the confidence to do X Y and Z"

We went running together, she is faster than me so I told her to not worry about waiting for me and to go on ahead. She got annoyed and said, "Well what's the point of running together then ?"
Everybody runs at different paces, and she kept stopping and turning round when I wasn't right behind her, I couldn't keep up, and she hasn't asked me to go since.

She will just refer to my large breasts in front of other people which I find odd and intrusive, as I don't really talk about them myself, and I can't imagine guys doing that about each others' anatomy in front of other people.

She said i'm 'rubbish at planning stuff' and that she is too, even though i'm very frequently trying to organise stuff.
On NYE she had said she was just staying in when I asked if she wanted to go out, I ended up staying in too then ended up seeing pictures of her on Facebook with a friend on a night out, I asked her and she said it had been a 'last minute thing'.

As I have said I take stuff personally, these are just some examples, I find her quite irritating and patronising. She seems to think that because i'm quieter or whatever that it's ok to do that.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 23/07/2020 10:49

@EvePolastri938

She seems to have the life she wanted, marriage, money, bought a house, good career etc. And i'm pleased for her if that's what she wants, I don't really have those goals. I can't think of why she would be jealous or want something that I have, but who knows, maybe she resents the freedom I have.
'Jealous' is a lazy reply to lots of things on MN.

I don't think she's jealous but she sounds like she needs to feel superior and you provide that opportunity, by putting up with her behaviour.

Call her out on it or ditch her as a 'friend'.

midsomermurderess · 23/07/2020 11:06

I don't think you like her. It sounds like a retry passive aggressive set up.

Kitchendiscodiva · 23/07/2020 11:11

I think I should distance myself and not be afraid to challenge her remarks if she makes any more. You've nailed it here OP. Move on from this nonsense. Life's too short. X

Scratchyback · 23/07/2020 11:15

Honestly op - if it doesn’t feel good, it isn’t good. Friends should uplift you, not make you feel bad. You don’t have to do anything drastic, just aim to see her as often or as little as you can stomach. If somebody treats you like that and you examine your own behaviour and feel you’ve done nothing to deserve it, it says more about them than you.

MilerVino · 23/07/2020 11:16

Her husband is often very grumpy and moreso than he used to be.

Perhaps marriage doesn't suit him.

AryaStarkWolf · 23/07/2020 11:28

Why didn't you go out with someone else NYE if you wanted to? But yeah she doesn't sound very nice

ddl1 · 23/07/2020 11:29

YANBU at all! The first item that you mentioned could possibly have been a misunderstanding. But the running thing? Either she should only run with people of similar speed to herself, or she should accept that you are slower and not pressurize you about it. And the breasts thing is VERY odd: it's the sort of thing that a horribly sexist male might do, not a female friend.

peanutsandpinenuts · 23/07/2020 11:40

Sounds like you two don't really click, I'd keep it friendly in the wider group but don't bother too much about her one on one.

LindainLockdown · 23/07/2020 11:48

She is not your friend. Perhaps the husband is grumpy because he has to be with her every day, you can choose to bin her off and I would do asap.

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