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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour CAN'T stop her son smoking weed?

36 replies

Shockedshell · 22/07/2020 20:44

Neighbour's 24yr old son likes to smoke weed in his car next to my house and the other night was smoking it in the garden right next to the boundary fence, it makes my house and garden stink.
Neighbour just came round to ask me to stop my 6 yr old grandson knocking on her door. I was actually mortified, it's an open plan front and we were watching him through the window to make sure he didn't leave our shared enclosed car park but I can't see her front door so didn't know he'd done that!
I apologised and brought him straight in but said whilst your here could I ask you to ask your son not to smoke weed at the side of my house because the smell is awful and makes my house and garden stink.
"Ive told him" she said "but he doesn't listen try asking him yourself". I was pretty shocked and pissed off, she has a 2 Yr old child and she knows he's doing this, she agrees it stinks but can't make him stop!
I have adult children, they don't live with me but no way would I tolerate any of them smoking weed in or near my house especially if I knew it was causing a problem for the neighbours.
AIBU to think the son should have more respect for his mother and little sister?
AIBU to think inflicting this awful smell on us is not acceptable?
Would you class this as ASB? As it is against our tenancy agreement to cause or to allow a visitor to cause ASB.

OP posts:
Bitchinkitchen · 22/07/2020 20:47

He's an adult, if you have an issue with him, speak to him about it. It is absolutely not on for you to be bitching to his mum about it rather than addressing it with him, like a grown up.

Arnoldthecat · 22/07/2020 20:49

Burn some rubber tyres in your garden and give them some shit back..

Original poster
Shockedshell · 22/07/2020 20:49

But she's the tenant with an obligation to ensure that members of her household or her visitors do not cause ASB.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shockedshell · 22/07/2020 20:51

Arnoldthecat if I wasn't asthmatic I'd give it a go Smile

OP posts:
Bitchinkitchen · 22/07/2020 20:51

@Shockedshell so complain to her landlord. But tbh if your kid is bugging the shit out of her to the extent that she comes round to get you to make him stop, you're unlikely to have a leg to stand on.

I repeat, if you have an issue with an adult, speak to that adult directly.

Nicknacky · 22/07/2020 20:52

Speak to the son, she can’t stop him unless she kicks him out and that’s entirely her call.

And keep an eye on your grandson!

Jojobar · 22/07/2020 20:52

My neighbours in a HA property are dealing as well as smoking weed. Police and HA couldn't give a shit. So don't expect anyone to do anything if you report this. You can speak to him and ask him to refrain but he may well ignore you.

Original poster
Shockedshell · 22/07/2020 20:56

@Bitchinkitchen a 6 Yr old child knocking on your front door is hardly the same as someone smoking illegal substances in the garden.

OP posts:
jimmyhill · 22/07/2020 20:59

If he's smoking weed while in charge of a motor vehicle call the police, they'll come and drug wipe him and, if you're lucky, cage him for a night.

Bitchinkitchen · 22/07/2020 20:59

@Shockedshell it annoyed her enough to come and speak to you about it.

Why haven't you spoken to her son!? Next time he lights up, stick your head out the window and say "would you mind smoking further away from our house, the smell is getting inside."

You know, like an adult rather than "telling" on him to his mum as if you're all 9 years old.

Original poster
Shockedshell · 22/07/2020 21:04

@Bitchinkitchen I have not said anything up until now because I didn't wish to cause any upset but whilst she was on my doorstep I thought I would politely mention it. The tenancy agreement clearly states it is her responsibility to control her family and visitors not mine.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 22/07/2020 21:06

Oh well, not much you can do then if you won’t speak to him apart from to report them to the housing association.

Which will make for great neighbour relations.

Bitchinkitchen · 22/07/2020 21:09

@Shockedshell and it's your responsibility to control yours, yet your grandson was still annoying her today.

I still don't get why you haven't asked him nicely to stop if it's bothering you! A polite request isn't going to "cause an upset" but telling on him to his mother certainly will.

Allthebestusernameshavegone · 22/07/2020 21:11

Squirt a water pistol out the window at his joint everytime he does it 😂

Original poster
Shockedshell · 22/07/2020 21:13

@Nicknacky not sure where I said I wouldn't speak to him? Would you like to share that with me?
I took the opportunity to raise the issue with her as she was on my doorstep.
I haven't said I won't speak to him I'm just expressing my shock she has no authority over him in her own home.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 22/07/2020 21:15

You said you didn’t see why you had to. Problem solved then, just ask him to move further away from the house the next time you see him.

And keep an eye on your 6 year old grandson, especially if you lose sight of him when he’s out the front.

Original poster
Shockedshell · 22/07/2020 21:16

@Bitchinkitchen it was the first time my grandson has done this, he was immediately brought inside and I will ensure he never does it again. On the other hand it would seem the issue I have raised will continue regardless because if he doesn't have enough respect to stop for his mum what chance do I have? But mark my words I will be speaking to him about - at no point have I said I won't be.

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 22/07/2020 21:21

Country Joe and the Fish had the perfect song for this. Play it out the window the next time you see him.

LemonadeAndDaisyChains · 22/07/2020 21:22

Er..... 24?! I'm with you on that'd really piss me off too, but he's an adult?
Speak to him, not his mum.

Original poster
Shockedshell · 22/07/2020 21:28

Well I guess my standards are different than everybody else's in expecting my child, no matter what age, to respect my authority in my own home Confused
I will speak to him, I might also speak to the landlord who will in turn speak to his mother as she is the tenancy holder.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 22/07/2020 21:30

But that’s your standards in your home and that’s entirely up to you.

Just like it’s up to her what she expects in her home.

Just speak to him first and try resolve it rather than cause a big issue about it.

Original poster
Shockedshell · 22/07/2020 21:35

@Nicknacky I certainly will speak to him next time I smell it but I honestly am shocked that she has no authority to say what is acceptable in her own home/garden.

OP posts:
Doingtheboxerbeat · 22/07/2020 22:04

I don't understand why the Op would have to address the individual of the household either? When your neighbours are playing loud music, you complain to whoever you see first, surely?
Also, sadly neither the police or the HA will do anything about the weed smoking - they just pass the buck back and forth.

MoistMolly · 22/07/2020 22:36

Also, sadly neither the police or the HA will do anything about the weed smoking - they just pass the buck back and forth.

The police are quite hot on it at the moment, if it involves a vehicle. They're treating drug driving like drink driving.

Jojobar · 22/07/2020 23:19

Maybe in certain areas the police are interested, the Met certainly aren't round here. Streets are full of people smoking or doing balloons while driving. Nothing gets done.

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