to start something with a guy 10 years older?

[NorthernGal9]

I'm 24, he's 34.

For the record, I don't feel like it is, I'm a single mum to DS3 and have always felt like a bit of an old soul. But since I told my friends I've started dating this guy (very recent but I really like him) they're all absolutely shocked and say the age gap is huge.

My parents have 18 years between them so maybe I'm used to it but... Maybe it is a lot? It's really messing with my head!

YABU - too big of a gap!
YANBU - 10 years is fine!

I think I'm on the fence. My last ex was 10 years older than me (I'm now 34 but was 26 at the time). Mostly it was fine, although he and his friends were at totally different life stages to me and most of my friends, and he was always bewildered when I missed pop culture references from his childhood 😂

On the whole it was fine, we split for a number of reasons inc me not wanting kids while he did, and he consoled himself with an 18 year old. I did not expect to be replaced with someone ten years younger while still in my twenties, I'll be honest.

That aside, I'm also an old soul and the actual relationship was fine - I'm still friends with a couple of his friends, he never really connected with mine.

Sorry that's probably not actually that helpful is it?!

I wondered this too, I’m 31 and started online dating but put the age range from 31-44 but then I started thinking it was too old. I’ve had the opposite though and people telling me it’s not, but I guess it’s just when you are not use to it! I’ve always dated within my age range usually.

I was in a similar situation, it was fine and we are very happily married now. I had a child and quite a few years of living alone under my belt (left home very young) he on the other hand was a slightly late bloomer as he'd had to delay a few things due to illness in his early 20s. As a result, we were more or less on the same page and met in the middle!

One 24 year old can be living a very different life from another - there's a lot of difference in lifestyle/maturity levels at that age, so it's an individual choice. Some of my friends were probably appalled when I got together with DH, but at the time (due to living at home, saving etc) their lives hadn't changed much since they'd been in sixth form college, except they'd swapped college for the office.

I’m 31 and my only 2 serious relationships have had a 9+ year age gap, the first starting when I was 17 (together 10 years, married 4, one DD) and my current one (together 4 years, getting married next year) I’ve never found anyone my own age attractive and have always been older than my age

You just fit in the divide by 2 and add 7 test! I would say it’s fine as long as there is no power imbalance. I imagine at 24 and with a child, you’re not naive and this should be totally fine.

I've been with my partner since 25. Same age gap. He's definitely slowing down in his 50s but we've been on the same page all the way with age not feeling relevant

I was 23 when I met my husband. He was 32.

Weve now been together 11 years and have kids.

To be fair he behaves like a child most of the time so it works for us.

One thing I always found was that my husband never played games when we were the ages you and your partner are now. He was always clear about what he wanted in life and had his priorities right, unlike guys I'd dated the same age.

Theres a lot to be said for an older man in my eyes

It's fine. DH is 11 years older than me and we've been happily married 30 years.

There's 9 years between my husband and I.
I'd just turned 21 when we met, he was 29. We couldn't be happier

10years between me and DH. Met when I was 19 started dating at 21. Been together 19 years!

I wouldn't bat an eyelid. I'm recently single, 29yo and am sleeping with a 22yo guy whilst my age range for online dating is "31-45". My next door neighbour is 49 and I'd jump at the chance.

16 years between me and my DH. Age really is just a number. If you really really connect then go for it.

Just don't drop into a parent-child way of reacting to each other. Good luck!

Ten years is fine. I always work on the principle: could they in theory be my father? If not, we are good to proceed.

My partner is 12/13 years older than me. I was 20 nearing 21 when we met, him 33. I already had a one year old DS when I met him. Our age gap has never really been an issue. I’m a bit of an old soul. He isn’t immature but doesn’t look much older than me and his siblings are my age so that helped. We’ve been together for several years and have a Dd of our own. If he makes you happy go for it.

Me and oh were definitely at similar a life stage despite being 13 years apart. I already had a child like I said and had my own place. He was back living with his mum after a break up with a woman who didn’t want to settle down whereas he did!

It doesn't matter in terms of falling in love with someone, it might matter if you are at different life stages.
Nowadays 10 years doesn't really put you in different life stages though as people do things at such different times in life.
Good luck!

I love these comments thank you so much!! This has really cheered me up because I honestly haven't felt this way about anyone well... Ever. My friends were really making me panic but I feel so reassured now

He's taking me out tomorrow night and I'm almost bursting with excitement.

My dad is 10 years older than my mum - they've been married 50 years...

If he's lovely and you're excited to see him, that's more important than the age gap!

10 years between me and DH.
It sometimes pisses me off when people assume we are the same age but other than that it is totally fine.
Some men ate slow to grow up!

13 years between my DH and me and I can say honestly it's never been an issue.

10 years is nothing. I know loads of couples with a 10 year (and more) gap. Crack on.

DH is 9 years older than me and most of the time I don't think about it. The real give away is his taste in music - it shows that he grew up a decade before me. Other than that, I try not to think about him going first when we get ancient. Before him I was with a man child 4 tears younger than me and it is so nice to be with a grown man with his own experience of life so go for it. Plus, the gap might seem huge when you're in your twenties - it will shrink in proportion as you get older.

I’m 29 and my bf is 43, we don’t even think about the age gap as it doesn’t change anything or affect us. You have very judgemental friends!

10 years. Met at 18, it did feel a lot when I went to Uni so we split up. Back together at 20, I'd left uni by then and we were in same page. 20 plus years and the only time we ever notice age gap is in a joking way that he was out clubbing to x and I was 9 and dancing with a hair brush in my bedroom, it's the same way we home about him being southern and me northern when we notice a little cultural divide.

You are FINE my fiancé is 25 years older than me and we have a 1 year old 😂 Age is really just a number and we don’t even notice the difference (bar his upset when I haven’t seen a film he deems a classic 🙄)

I think it completely depends on the people. In your case, it's probably not unreasonable - you've described yourself as an old soul and as you're a mum your are probably more mature than a lot of 24 year olds.

I think being in the same stage of life and wanting the same things is more important than an age; people develop at different rates and men are notorious for maturing later than women!

Have fun on your date, ignore your friends and trust your own instincts.