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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to start something with a guy 10 years older?

46 replies

NorthernGal9 · 22/07/2020 20:33

I'm 24, he's 34.

For the record, I don't feel like it is, I'm a single mum to DS3 and have always felt like a bit of an old soul. But since I told my friends I've started dating this guy (very recent but I really like him) they're all absolutely shocked and say the age gap is huge.

My parents have 18 years between them so maybe I'm used to it but... Maybe it is a lot? It's really messing with my head!

YABU - too big of a gap!
YANBU - 10 years is fine!

OP posts:

yellowsunset · 22/07/2020 22:05

They'll be something wrong if he has to settle for a young single mother over someone his own age.

PumpkinP · 22/07/2020 22:17

They'll be something wrong if he has to settle for a young single mother over someone his own age.

rude!

DDiva · 22/07/2020 22:21

It totally depends on your dynamic but it can work.

I met my H when he was 31 and I was 21. We've been together 21 years.

To be honest he doesn't look that much older than me we both look in our forties. I had done the going out on the town and we just clicked.

StinkySink · 22/07/2020 22:24

Ex was 10 years older.
It’s alright when you’re in your early twenties but mine got boring fast.

He had to go.

My DH is younger and it works for me.

Different strokes tho.

TheGreatWave · 22/07/2020 22:27

I was 23 and DH 34 when we married almost 18 years ago. It's fine.

DinosApple · 22/07/2020 22:43

I'd go for it, 10 years isn't really that much. Enjoy dating and see where it takes you.

DH & I got together when I was 22 and he was 39. We've been together 15 years now. It's great for music quizzes, we've got everything covered from the 70s onwards 😂.

FrustratedMess · 22/07/2020 22:45

10 years at your age isn't that big at all

Original poster

NorthernGal9 · 23/07/2020 11:00

Thanks all, appreciate all views/comments and feeling so much more relaxed about it now. Well, all comments except the random rude one assuming he'd be 'settling' for me not that I have to explain myself but I've worked bloody hard as a single mum battling mental & physical health issues which I've now overcome, working for two degrees and now have a well-paid amazing job which I love, own my own home and have a beautiful, intelligent DS. So I don't believe he's settling, thanks for your useful input though!

OP posts:

toconclude · 23/07/2020 11:33

Not if you click,15 year age gap here when I married at the same age as you, still married 34 years later.

toconclude · 23/07/2020 11:34

@yellowsunset

They'll be something wrong if he has to settle for a young single mother over someone his own age.

Nonsense and insulting.

Mumtobe193 · 23/07/2020 12:23

I was 20 when I met my other half, he was 29. We’ve been together for 7 years now, due to get married next year, and have 2 beautiful children together. So I think it definitely can work. It just depends on the people I think. We’ve never really noticed the age difference tbh. People often assume we’re around the same age give or take a few years, it doesn’t offend me particularly, I’m 27 and look 27. He could easily pass for 29/30, it’s not just how he looks that makes people assume he’s younger it’s his whole demeanour. I can’t really put my finger on it what it is but he doesn’t strike you as someone in his late 30s, and he’s always came across as younger than his years (in the nicest way possible). When we met although I was only 20 I was very much an ‘adult’, I work with a few people who are 22/23 now who are more like teenagers, have little responsibilities, still live at home and still depend on their parents a lot (not that there’s anything wrong with that). I think if I’d have been like that at age 20 this relationship wouldn’t have worked.

CatRamsey · 23/07/2020 12:32

I'm the same age as you and my ex was 10 years older. He was quite immature which was one of the reasons I broke up with him, as I felt I was much more mature than him despite the age gap.

I really think it depends on the person. Some 34 year olds are really immature and some 24 year olds are really mature. It could be that you meet in the middle. If it feels right then I really don't see an issue.

Poetryinaction · 23/07/2020 12:55

If it lasts you may eventually face him heading into old age before you. I'd be fine with this, but I have known couples with big age gaps for whom this has been hard.
However, you like him. It's hard to meet likeable men. So go for it.

HariboMaroon · 21/02/2022 10:47

It can work but there can be issues further down the line.

My SIL is 40, BIL is 50.

Kids are now older teenagers, and she wants to start going out more but he’s very content staying in with his slippers.

She’s totally bored of him now I can tell.

HariboMaroon · 21/02/2022 10:52

Also women I know with larger than 10 year age gaps have daddy issues. Usually it’s an unconscious thing whereby they seek fathering/dependency.

incognitoforthisone · 21/02/2022 10:58

Ten years is a totally normal age gap between adults! It's fine. DP is nine years older than me and it's literally never occurred to me that it would be an issue! W'e've been together nearly 20 years now.

incognitoforthisone · 21/02/2022 10:59

@HariboMaroon

Also women I know with larger than 10 year age gaps have daddy issues. Usually it’s an unconscious thing whereby they seek fathering/dependency.

This is such bollocks.

LittleGwyneth · 21/02/2022 11:04

10 year would be the top end of my ideal, and I wouldn't want to go much over that if possible. Your situation sounds perfectly reasonable, and if you're really happy then don't let anyone else take the shine off it. Enjoy!

Featuredcreature · 21/02/2022 11:04

Age gaps are fine between adults. My ex was 18 years older and tbh that was probably stretching it. I was very naive, although I think it was just his personality, I reckon he would have been the same whatever age.

CounsellorTroi · 21/02/2022 11:06

Zombie

ShippingNews · 21/02/2022 11:10

I first met DH when I was 17 and he was 28. We're still happy after 40 years . Sure, we're not always at the same stage of life due to the age gap, he is slowing down now. But most importantly, we're always on the same wave-length . I'd say go for it .

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