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Original poster

To want to know why people dont take to me?

40 replies

Rumbletumbleinmytummy · 22/07/2020 18:22

I dont understand it, and its upsetting me because everyones getting back to their normal, seeing their friends, and whilst its lovely, I feel quite left out.
No one wants to see me, no ones checked up on me. I've checked up on a lot of people, many haven't bothered to get back to me, or just said I cant talk, I'll text later, and havent heard back.

I post photos of my family, no one likes them or comments.

I've not had friends for so long. I put myself out there, I think I'm quite funny to be around, I think I'm kind. I'm always happy to listen if anyone needs an ear. I very rarely tell people what's going on with me, but even if I do, no one really cares.
I'm due to undergo an operation in around two weeks time, and it's going to be life changing no one seems interested.

It feels like no one cares and it hurts because I always show interest in my friends lives, and try to support them, but I cant help but feel terribly alone.

My friends maybe make time to see me once a year, it's always a nice time. I'm always quite cheerful and chatty, never really about myself.

What can I do to be more liked? I'd really like go have friends but theres something about me people dont take to. I'd just love it if someone was to ever think, ah wouldnt it be nice to invite Rumble along for those drinks, lunch out, bowling, dinner. Or even to ask how I am.

It's just upsetting and makes me feel like shit. I've even started to wonder if it's because I'm fat and people cant bare to look at my face.

Can anyone tell me how to make friends please.

OP posts:
OoohTheStatsDontLie · 22/07/2020 18:39

I guess it's really hard for people to answer this without meeting you in person.
One thing we can say though is that you need to stop making an effort with people who don't make an effort back. It does sound like you are maybe trying too hard, checking in on people who don't do the same, not talking about yourself as you don't want to dominate the conversation. Its normal to talk about yourself some of the time. Maybe do more things that you enjoy and will make you happy and stop worrying what other people will think?

HarryHarry · 22/07/2020 18:49

I’ve noticed that the ones who have lots of friends often aren’t the nicest people.

Have you noticed how thin pretty women tend to gravitate towards each other? Many of the ones I’ve met don’t have much in the way of personality so their popularity with each other is kind of a mystery! Whereas a lot of the more interesting people tend to be loners, or only have one or two friends. Try not to take it to heart if you are not popular. Just keep being yourself and living your life and you will find your people.

Also remember not to judge yourself by how many social media likes you get. Social media is toxic and a waste of time and energy.

Sunny4876 · 22/07/2020 18:49

I'm very introverted and my friends are more outgoing but I had noticed that it was only me making the effort to stay in touch in the first 3 months of lockdown so i've stopped bothering.

VioletGrace · 22/07/2020 18:52

@HarryHarry

I’ve noticed that the ones who have lots of friends often aren’t the nicest people.

Have you noticed how thin pretty women tend to gravitate towards each other? Many of the ones I’ve met don’t have much in the way of personality so their popularity with each other is kind of a mystery! Whereas a lot of the more interesting people tend to be loners, or only have one or two friends. Try not to take it to heart if you are not popular. Just keep being yourself and living your life and you will find your people.

Also remember not to judge yourself by how many social media likes you get. Social media is toxic and a waste of time and energy.

I've noticed that too about thin, pretty women gravitating towards each other, but often in these groups of friends they're all nasty pieces of work. There is a clique in my home town of, strangely, hairdressers and beauty therapists who are all married to builders or men with their own businesses and who therefore think they've done well in life. They're all bitchy as fuck and boring too!
HarryHarry · 22/07/2020 18:52

BTW I agree with the poster above who said you should talk about yourself more. I have a friend who never talks about herself and it’s infuriating! I can have a safe, polite, small-talky type conversation with the cashier in the supermarket, I want to have real, honest, deep conversations with my friends!

Kaiserin · 22/07/2020 19:23

Sounds like you may need better friends. Some which are good at listening.

Good luck with the life changing operation by the way! I hope it goes OK. Best wishes to you and your family Smile

(... it doesn't cost much to be nice. If your "friends" can't even bother with basic niceties, it says more about them than it says about you!)

FTstepmum · 22/07/2020 20:21

Be discerning.

Be patient.

Be no-one but yourself.

Be inquisitive.

Have respect and love for yourself.

Have opinions.

Don't try to fit in or be desperate for friends - it's a turn off.

You'll be fine - trust yourself.

Xxx

fastnfurious · 22/07/2020 20:27

@Sunny4876 I've also stopped as of today... I've noticed I'm the only one reaching out to ask how people are etc.. no more

ConstanceSalinger · 22/07/2020 20:35

Stop wasting energy on people who don't care about you the same way.

I've made friends from the children's school (I don't even do the school run!), My group seems to be the mums who are doing early drop off and late pick up.

I've made friends from work, hobbies, not everyone is a keeper but we enjoy each others company and find common ground.

Do you work or go out to hobbies?

I think you'll find once you bin off the rubbish friends you'll have more time for fun new ones.

forrestgreen · 22/07/2020 20:38

A met a new friend last year but had to unfriendly her this year as she was very draining and my mental health was suffering.
Tbh it's prob very hard to clarify why.
Too many texts. What are you doing, what are you having for tea, was it nice etc. All felt very clingy in the end.
But she'd be right to say she's a lovely, kind and caring person, she is. But she's not the right friend for me.

longtimecomin · 22/07/2020 20:43

It's not your size or the way you look. Tell yourself every single morning and every single night that you love yourself, whether you mean it or not. Maybe you're putting anxious vibes out there. Most people are just too preoccupied with their own shit to see that they aren't being decent to their mates. Honestly, don't worry about it.

nanbread · 22/07/2020 20:44

Which of your friends - or people you've met who aren't friends yet - do you actively, truly enjoy spending time with? Which ones make you feel good about yourself, make you laugh, interest and inspire you?

I would focus on them and forget the others.

I've got a fair amount of friends and probably seem fairly popular on the surface but I still feel awkward about most of my friendships. I have to put a lot of effort and organisation into arranging to see people otherwise it doesn't happen.

PablosHoney · 22/07/2020 20:46

Tell me what your operation is and I’ll be your friend 😉

Yorkiee · 22/07/2020 20:59

@Sunny4876 same here. I've checked up on a few, always me making the effort but no reply so I have stopped.

ParcelFarce · 22/07/2020 21:27

It sounds like you're hanging out with the wrong people, OP! Agree with pp that you need to stop making an effort with people who never give anything back - they're simply not worth the effort. I've been through similar in my 20s/30s (not to mention school!) and for me things started to feel a lot better once I stopped fixating on my inability to make friends and turned my attention to a couple of new activities - a hobby group and volunteering. I ended up meeting several lovely people who I can meet for coffee etc and they're nice, laid back, chatty company. There are even one or two I could rely on for help/advice if needed. I spent years agonising over why people didn't seem to like me (it's not your weight/appearance - I'm slim/attractive but that never seemed to help me!) but I think the combination of forcing myself to try new things and getting a bit older and therefore giving much less of a fuck what people think in general, was what helped me. Also, DO talk about yourself! It's hard to maintain a friendship that's totally one-sided - I've realised people do want to hear about my life just as I'm interested in hearing about theirs. It's a two-way street. You actually sound like a lovely person, OP - just be yourself and stop caring so much about what people think! Good luck (and I hope the op goes well) Flowers

Alex50 · 22/07/2020 21:49

Do you know people just get busy with their own lives and i’m afraid don’t give you a thought, it’s not worth getting upset about as it doesn’t make any difference to them. The best friends I have are from a group hobby, we are all ages, from every walk of life but when you have something in common, it doesn’t matter.

june2007 · 22/07/2020 21:58

Stop trying to get creditation from others. I don,t comment on all my friends photos, only if I know others in the photo. Be true to your self .
Just carry on with life, those who like you will be there but many won,t. Thats life. I guess i don,t have loads of friends, people i have got close to have moved and my friends are literally spread country wide. ButI don,t currently have much of a social lifeso I am as much to blame.

SunbathingDragon · 22/07/2020 22:02

I hope your operation goes well.

Are there any hobbies or sports you enjoy? If so, maybe you can see if there are any groups or similar to join and try to make friends that way. When we moved, I made friends through a couple of charities that I volunteer for.

Chocoholic12 · 22/07/2020 22:05

OP You sound lovely. Wish I had a friend like you.

DelilahfromDevon · 22/07/2020 22:13

OP, just to say, getting no likes or comments on social media is often a function of Facebook etc's algorithms. I never see most peoples' posts. I actually hate that about social media.

Do you have hobbies? It's easier to make friends when you have similar interests etc. Hope you make some nicer friends soon..

Waiting42021 · 22/07/2020 22:19

@Chocoholic12

OP You sound lovely. Wish I had a friend like you.
Agreed Smile

I hope your operation goes well, OP.

I relate to a lot of your post. I’ve always found it difficult to make friends, and I don’t know why. I don’t really have any advice, but I’ve seen so many of these threads on here. I think it’s more common than it seems!

user1493494961 · 22/07/2020 22:23

I also think you sound lovely, hope your operation goes well.

QueenOfWinterfell · 22/07/2020 22:25

Lots of posts on here over the years from lovely people who struggle to make friends. If only they could all meet up and be friends together Smile. I have to agree that the most popular people often aren’t very nice. Life is strange Sad

crimsonlake · 22/07/2020 22:34

I agree you sound lovely and also agree you should stop making an effort with those who do not make the effort in return.
I understand how you feel left out since everyone has started to go back to the new normal...people meeting up and it is not hppening for you.
I am single and hav felt that those coupled up around me eally do not understand what it has been like to go through this alone.
Equally I think it is good to show an interest in other people when you get to know them. I work with one woman and although I like her I have come to realise all she ever does is talk about herself, her family, what work she is doing on the house, what she has just bought...she never asks me a single question. In real life she would not be a friend of mine.

SantaClaritaDiet · 22/07/2020 22:36

how thin pretty women tend to gravitate towards each other? Many of the ones I’ve met don’t have much in the way of personality

pretty women gravitating towards each other, but often in these groups of friends they're all nasty pieces of work.

wow... just wow...

Anyway, OP, you just need a new group of friends, but one that grows organically - through a shared hobby for example. Your current "friends" are not really your friends are they.

With the right people, you are doing it right - keeping in touch, being there and being fun. Don't be discouraged. You just need to meet new people. What do you actually like to do? How can you use that to meet people?